This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2005-04-15 09:03:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © April 2005 Kenneth R. Patton
He’s there each time I turn
in the office window
He changes frequently
often by the minute
Today he looks lost
and hunched over
Old and exhausted
But look closer
There he is, the boy
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-04-21 08:19:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.87500
had to read this a few times but i think i got it. those work-a-day boredom blues. seems to me like you're staring out your work window, maybe it's a beautiful day, mybe not, but you're worn down from the work week and daydreaming about the weekend. maybe a hot date, maybe life is good, or maybe you're just full of yourself, but you're thinking about anything but your job. you're trying to hold on til quitting time, but your inner child is dying to turn loose. you're looking at your reflection and thinking of a zillion things you could be doing but aren't. is that the 24 hour bug i feel coming on? do i need to leave early? im probably way off, but if this isnt about longing for days of old, when youth and reckless abandon were your partners, well it ought to be! nice one.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-04-21 06:14:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
"He’s there each time I turn
in the office window" I know this feeling and have done this many times before, stood or sat and stared at the"me" staring back into my eyes, and sometimes I find it hard to accept the vision that I see. "
Today he looks lost
and hunched over
Old and exhausted " this is a great metaphor on life itself, struggles, aging, bent from life's strain of the day to day things that weigh us all down, but then you present this last image in your poem, that of the inner chile beconing to come out."But look closer
There he is, the boy" and this made me smile! for I am glad that "the boy" is there for you and that youth remain in your heart like it does in mine. This was a short and powerful little piece, very insightful, and made this reader and all its readers stop and take notice..perhaps the next time we will really take a good look in that glass and who is looking back at us. thanks for sharing!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-04-20 13:14:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
If we are honest...as you seem to be...
the boy indeed is not too distant from the
Its too bad the man's reflection "The work You"
looks so tired and worn....
we all need to awaken the boy...for it is not
the work you will remembber...sand that is probably
because it is not worth remembering....
to the all elusive boy....that being who overflowed with energy
and knew in his young heart what was right, but was to
meek in the ways of the world to be assertive..among
the large flesh statues, the intractable immovable lethargic
Thanks for this thoughtful look at your insides...
I'm always ready to play....ollie ollie umphrey
I really liked this piece...
This Poem was Critiqued By: hello haveaniceday On Date: 2005-04-16 16:34:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Oh yes Kenneth, the mirrored image is cruel and less and less the real reflection of me... or you even. Here in Baltimore the "word" c'mon has a particular inflection and pronunciation. I'm not a native and so I am sensitive and unusually fond of the term... "ca-muaaawn" is more like it, and it says so much. Thank you, Barb
This Poem was Critiqued By: John Dean On Date: 2005-04-16 02:38:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.75000
Hi Kenneth.......I really like this kind of poem......short little insights, a moment in time. A little nostalgia, a little humour, an enticing title, an immediate image in my mind. Thanks, nicely written......John.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-04-15 20:42:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45455
I can easily relate to this poem...I retired from my job in 2004 and eleven months later they called me
back as the lady I trained said the job was just too hard. So I worked for another four months and retired
again...after training another. Well it is a long story but I can remember days when I felt 'hunched over,
old and exhausted.' I would wonder how did this happen in such a short time (40 years in health care that
went by in a flash) all of a sudden that little perky girl inside me has given up and run away. However, as
you show us here that youngster is still inside...we just have to look deeper. "but look closer...no,
closer..there he is, the boy...."C'mon son" I love the ending of this terse and well written piece. We
must continue to seek our inner self...it is there...it hasn't run away or given up...we just get too
busy to pay attention. So just take the best that every day has to offer and before you know it you will
be ready to retire and wonder how you got there is such a short time.
p.s. I no longer feel old and exhausted!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-15 13:34:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Enjoyed the read poet.....the structure, word flow and images of today perhaps and days gone by......indeed we change daily and it is often nice to find that inner child still there.......
You have created the illusion and have brought it to life. Thanks for sharing. God Bless, Claire
I enjoy playing with my shadow..........take your camera out on a nice sunny day and wave to yourself.....sounds strange but caught on film its the best.......
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