This Poem was Submitted By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-18 15:23:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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SEDONA

Winter winds covet your face keeping safe in memory the solace in you eyes where in I reside  eternally  bound to a love in which I may never write justice. Your words pierce me still calling me home  to the birth place of our unity unknowingly doomed. We stood in each other’s arms in awe  as the valley of radiant red graciously adopted our love.

Copyright © April 2005 Audrey R Donegan


This Poem was Critiqued By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2005-04-28 05:33:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Audrey - I don't know what I did - it was quite wierd, but I was critiquing your "revised" addition of this poem and when I clicked submit, it said I couldn't critique a poem twice. Hmm.. unless I am in the early stages of ol'timerz disease I have no clue as to why. I can't even pull up the poem, just to see if anything actually did get posted, but nada. I poked around and couldn't find a link to a help page for issues like this so what the heck, I'll just give you the critique here. It may not be in sinc with this one, as I see you've made some great changes! (Good thing I learned to highlight & copy everything I write just in case..) Anyway here is the one that went awry for the revised "Sedona": "Wow Audrey, this deserves a "here's lookin atcha kid". It's apparent this piece is recalling lost love but it actually mimicks the feeling one gets when they first see the sunsetting over the craggy red cliffs surrounding Sedona. You fall in love with the majesty of the western landscape.. the way the sun throws an indian blanket over the mountains weaving some awesome colors to otherwise dry time eroded rock. The line "your words pierce me still" sets the reader up for a soulful and requited ending. The setting you create often doubles up on the senses by conjuring up the spiritual sounds of the Anasazi voices reverberating through time, perhaps predicting the outcome of what they see... The line "awestruck we were", might also reflect the feeling of one's first experience of this georgeous area, but here obviously with a special someone who is now only bound in"gold leaf" gratitude.. a wedding album? The last line "as the valley of radient red graciously adopted our love" is a very touching commemorative of something that the writer will forever hold forever in her heart. My favorite was the first stanza - so much feeling and power - it gives a sense of emotion coupled with remoteness, as it is worded in a very solemn and resolute way. The best I can sum this up with is that his one smolders with subdued passion and ends with a peace that passes all understanding." Cheerz, Terrye


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2005-04-23 08:53:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Audrey, This is as softly beautiful as poetry gets. It whispers in tones that, but for a poet's restraint, would be screamed heavenward. This is the grace of one who knows poetry's voice. Your's is the soul of a poet. I look forward to more. Rick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-22 12:03:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10000
Hi Poet........thanks for allowing me to read this.....good structure, nice word flow and the images created from the flare of your pen bring me to where this began..........the emotions are felt, perhaps the sadness of loss as well as the newness of love.........the beauty of the place itself is brought to life........ Again, thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire Winter winds, keeping safe, where-in I reside.....a love I may never write justice.........enjoyed all of these in the opening stanza and the closing one just adds to the beauty with the valley of radiant red and adopting our love......
This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-20 07:08:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.35000
Audrey, There are a few minor changes I suggest to enhance this piece. In the first line I suggest a coma after the word face; it makes one pause to digest what the winds are doing. The word YOU, I beleive should be YOUR...to be consistant with the rest of the thought. A period after the word EYES; makes the first two lines sound much better as well as making it powerful. In the line 'We stood in each other's'...The word EMBRACED would capture more feeling than WE STOOD. You have a small poem with heavy meaning. Thank you for sharing such an enjoyable read. ~Helen
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-04-19 12:45:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
I was in Sedona once in 2001. Beautiful country so I can attest to "the valley of radiant red." I do not know why you felt doomed...was it the end of a love affair? At least that's what I got out of this. The "birth place of our unity" tells me this is where you fell into love or had your first encounter with... Hard to figure out. It's couched in some hidden meaning for which I do not hazard a guess. Small typo...third line..."you" s/b "your" and where in s/b hyphenated.
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