This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-04-18 19:17:01 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Several Days after the Taxes Had Been Paid

Not a long drive, and yet, more than a jaunt. The sweating men amongst the joists, Eyeing the growing crowd of worn out Levi’s Stretched over too-dimpled derrieres, sat. That the sweat was the year’s first likely passed them by. That they had a floor to nail down before the real boat Season starts was something crawling around on the  Floor of their minds,  I cheered as the Canadian Skip slid a rock down the Scot’s throat. I think they’re in Vancouver.  I hope Arnie is there, wearing his Maple Leaf. New moccasins stretched their arms around my aching feet; Gravity continued pulling for all its worth on all of us.  Amen. The warm glow of summer flew north, a zephyr from Texas. Despite a search for it I found nothing evolving. Even the jeweler had felt it, and said so, fingering her Sapphires and diamonds, warm gold and black pearls, Sighing at the thought of another salesman. Oil and corn, wheat and wood, Nails in a box in the corner, waiting - Quietly, But not patiently, And dreading another villanelle,  We ordered a Marguerita.

Copyright © April 2005 Thomas Edward Wright


This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-05-04 08:32:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.68000
THomas, Sounds as if someone had a good time after tax time! I feel I have traveled the world as I read line after line. You made me laugh with lines: 'Levi's stretched over too-dimpled derrieres, sat.' OR : 'Sighing at the thought of another salesman' ...this reminded me of your other poem, "Several Days After the Death of a Salesman" You have such great imagery and flow, I am propelled to read it again. Bravo! Helen


This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-30 19:50:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.10000
I am envious of your style. 'new moccasins stretched their arms around my aching feet' I absolutely love that line. Your last line delivers a solid ending. Audrey
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-04-20 09:14:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Not a long drive, and yet, more than a jaunt. The sweating men amongst the joists, ....you turn me on when you talk like that - especially the joists part Eyeing the growing crowd of worn out Levi’s Stretched over too-dimpled derrieres, sat. last Sat. or the week before? That the sweat was the year’s first likely passed them by. yeah - well who was paying attention what with all those joists ? That they had a floor to nail down before the real boat Season starts was something crawling around on the Floor of their minds, or at least in the restrooms I cheered as the Canadian Skip slid a rock down the Scot’s throat. me too -- I think they’re in Vancouver. I hope Arnie is there, wearing his Maple Leaf. I have to leave this one alone New moccasins stretched their arms around my aching feet; I love when that happens [this is my favorite line] Gravity continued pulling for all its worth on all of us. Amen. amen -- from your mouth to God's mocassins The warm glow of summer flew north, a zephyr from Texas. must be my guy - Mark Morales Despite a search for it I found nothing evolving. Even the jeweler had felt it, and said so, fingering her Sapphires and diamonds, warm gold and black pearls, Sighing at the thought of another salesman. they come and go but sometimes the smoke is whiter than other times Oil and corn, wheat and wood, Nails in a box in the corner, waiting - Quietly, But not patiently, love this - for all its forboding undercurrent And dreading another villanelle, I guess you have to have eated them when you were young to have acquired a taste sort of like gefilte fish. We ordered a Marguerita. Pass the pitcher I have the lemon and the salt
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-04-19 17:33:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Tom: Ah, boat season! Sailor, do you want to dance? I see several poets (unless I am hallucinating) in the poem, but not myself. That I could recognize. If you'd only put something in there about the birdies in the trees, or maybe ducks walking in pairs. But I couldn't quite wrap my mind around parts of this poem, because as you know, I don't speak Midwest very fluently. I really smiled at the dimpled derrieres, though. And they smiled back. I was only a boat person for a short time, but I recall the exhilaration of that first trip out on Puget Sound in spring. A latté cheer! Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-04-19 16:24:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42105
Hi Tom, When I critique a poem I try to get inside the poets head and think their thoughts..sometimes I can and sometimes not. In reading this piece several times I am almost there and then I'm not but I must comment anyway because many of the word choices and phrases are so original and compelling. The sweating men amongst the joists,( great word choice) eyeing the growing crowd of worn out Levi's (wonderful descriptor for a common sight) stretched over too-dimpled derriers, sat. (I laughed every time I read this..what an image!) ....before the real boat season starts was something crawling around on the floor of their minds, (love this line...especially 'floor of their minds' but I am not sure why it doesn't end with a ?...what is it I am not getting?) I think they are in Vancouver. (who is?) I hope Arnie is there, wearing his Maple leaf...now that is a sight! New moccasins stretched their arms around my aching feet (I have actually had this happen to me...happened at Carlsbad Caverns) Gravity continued pulling for all its worth on all of us. Amen. (why Amen? I can just hear you saying good God woman get a grip!) The warm glow of summer flew north, a zephyr from Texas.( wish I had thought of this line!) I am enthralled with your description of the jeweler...sapphires and diamonds, warm gold and black pearls, sighing at the thought of another salesman. Images of oil and corn, wheat, wood, nails in a box in the corner, waiting ( if I close my eyes I can almost smell this place.) But....I don't know why we are dreading another French poem (villanella) however, I am so glad you ordered a Marguerita! You have my permission to give me a score of 1 or perhaps a score of 2 if you are feeling generous...I posted a poem yesterday and misspelled the title...so what the hell do I know. Glad to have you back.... Peace...mt
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