This Poem was Submitted By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2005-04-23 08:43:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Your Best Guess

 I must have asked too much of you  When I asked, “Will you wait?”  And you must have meant yes  When you said, “Yes!”  How could you have possibly known  It was just a guess,  Not knowing then  The depth of how,  Or the length of when?                          To Kristy

Copyright © April 2005 Rick Barnes


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-05-07 07:44:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97297
I must have asked too much of you When I asked, “Will you wait?” ah, the introduction sets us up at once with its foreshadowing And you must have meant yes When you said, “Yes!” a poignant observation How could you have possibly known It was just a guess, good internal rhyme Not knowing then The depth of how, Or the length of when? the "length of when" is an inspired phrase. This is a magnificent poem rick - rich with pathos and understatment.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-05-04 00:27:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.74074
Ok, maybe not envious (if infact it doesn't suit me) but definately inspired by your work. 'the depth of how' - the reader can go a lot of places with that (i'll go more personally in depth off the site) I think the final 3 lines are what truely makes this one so good. talk to you soon (I'm still reading the one's you sent me) Audrey
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-01 15:32:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56667
Hi Ho Rick, What's neat about your writing, not only great wording, is the idea behind it, in it, all through it, it's sometimes 'aha'[something you've thought but not in words......and it's good to know we're all somewhat similiar]and other times 'Oh'[something new-off the wall but good] or 'oh no' [the clever ones that twirl the brain] This one does it all....... we say yes, meaning oh yes! but too long is tooooo long. And how do you know how tooo long, is tooooooo long, till you know! I also like that you don't try to write above others. No unnecessary big vocabulary words to prove your mental genius. Nor too showy of description thats alomst too much. not too cutsy... No pretention..... You Mr. Bear write just right! Always enjoying your work Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2005-04-25 15:59:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
What a blissful piece Rick. A brief and energetic expose of a revelation. In simple lines you express much an air of excitement for the reader. It also demands a reread, as the message deepens in the last lines. Sort of like, "I know that you know, that I know, that you know".. and yada yada. I will say this makes me contemplate a bit.. as to why no one has ever written a poem dedicated to me :/ ? And now, as if you couldn't give "your best guess", I have absolutely zilch to suggest as editing here. Ok, wait, there was one thing, so let's make that a zilch plus - you could write the first line like this instead: "Was I expecting too much when I asked "will you wait?" That way the "asked" in the second line wouldn't be a repeat. Of course that would make it a question instead of a statement and that might screw up what you intended. But that was just off the top of my head, just because I felt guilty about never being up to par as a critiquer. Being a critic might be fun though. Of course I'd have to avoid poets like you or I'd be speechless. Hey, can you do a few lines about Kristy's response to this one?? Enjoyed it Rick, Terrye
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-04-23 18:04:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
HallRickBarnes: I am going to hire you the next time I fall in love. You have the knack. PHone it in, Kristy, phone it in...
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-04-23 14:26:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.13636
How long was it from then to now poet? Did you find a parting of the hearts had to take place and it was then, perhaps due to war/schooling/being too young/whatever the reason you asked her to wait....she said yes.....though it is evident that it became too long and she could wait no more........there is sadness at the loss perhaps but no anger left within your own heart but a feeling of forgiveness perhaps. Thanks for posting, love has no bounds as we all know and time never stands still. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-04-23 12:37:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
Oh Happy Day! Remember that title? Certainly unrelated to the pith of your poem but how I feel when I see a posting from our resident professor. I note the dedication and that speaks loudly to me. Based on prior poems and explanations given for who she is/was. The title fits the poem like a well-tailored suit by an Italian. I like Italian designers although I cannot afford same. I swear I have read this, perhaps in your published book. It is typical of what you have been posting the last few times. The form is perfect; it is spare as my beloved Creeley. Hindsight or Monday morning replay of Sunday's game(s) brings clarity, explanation. In your poem, it appears poet (or protaganist) is guessing what went wrong in the relationship and projects her best guess. To ask a woman to wait for him in his being away, hints that this will be a long "away"...more than business trip. I always think war as that appears to be the president's favorite pasttime for young men. From your inmost soul you ask your girl to wait for your return and she replies in the affirmative. Now looking back, you do not tell the reader that yes indeed, she tied a yellow ribbon on the old oak tree. My take is that she didn't wait and your analysis eases your mind to some extent: "I must have asked too much of you." "And you must have meant yes." "How could you have possibly known." For poet and for her, they are too young/naive to make and keep promises when they are young and hormones are raging. And in true Rickismic form you conclude: "It was just a guess, Not knowing then The depth of HOW, Or the length of WHEN?" Mellita sits back in her chair, exhaling the breath she's been holding so long! All I can say is wonderful! Superb writing, linguistics superlative. I always think "This it, his best" then you outdo yourself. Rick-o, your poems cut close to the bone and your achievement as master of your art is thrilling to see. I can hardly wait to see where "Imposters" will go next and what it may be telling me. My heart smiles! My best always, Mell-O
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-04-23 11:03:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.74074
Rick: A fine spring day it is to come across a poem of yours! The inadequacy of words seems to be the theme. Or, the inability of our words to cover all contingencies, though we are completely sincere. The shades of meaning, the ramifications of time, place and person. Incompleteness of language seems one of the best reasons for poetry as with the addition of shape, movement, voice and nuance, language becomes the fine- tuned tool which conveys meaning in ways that are inconceivable otherwise. Yes, I can imagine you thinking, and spoken language has sound, facial expression, context and the presence of the one to whom we speak. That presence communicates much that is so subtle as to be indefinable. And over time and contemplation, and subsequent events, the meanings of words undergo transformation or alteration, so that what was said originally has an overlay of reverberation -- endless echo, as we replay the words in our minds, responding with different emotions than the ones we felt when the words were first spoken. “Will you wait?” And you must have meant yes When you said, “Yes!” The speaker assumes good will and honest intent, unless his words are ironic. The music in them -- with "must/much" and the rhymes of "then/when" and the soft sounds of 'ch' and 'wh' and 'th' are almost soothing. My favorite lines are the final two -- because they expand on those limitations of language I was speaking of earlier. "The depth of how, Or the length of when." These interrogative pronouns ask finite questions in an arena of infinite variance. I think I hear forgiveness in the poem, for the other's approximation or intent, which turned out to be inaccurate, or her "best guess." Maybe that is all we can give, ever, even under the most stringent of circumstances. A wedding ceremony, for example, in which we promise unending fealty and care, "'til death do us part." With a very high percentage of marriages failing these days, we could assume that those who took these vows were either overly optimistic or perhaps equivocating. My sense is that we are sincere at the time. Events, developments at times beyond our control intervene, so that stepping away from the vows does not seem incongruent. There is a melancholy sense of resignation about the poem, perhaps acceptance of what is, rather than faulting the other for what is not to be. As the poem does end with a question, the possibility occurs to me that the speaker may be open to an answer, some further communication. As a poem it leaves me wondering about what might have been. About what I meant when I gave promises or answers to questions extending into an unknown future. I think of these lines from Bobbie Burn's lines from "To A Mouse" -- "But Mousie, thou art no thy lane In proving foresight may be vain The best-laid schemes o' mice an’ men Gang aft agley An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain For promis'd joy!" As always, a Rick Barnes poem leaves me pondering for hours and days. And longing for more. Sadly, I think our best poetry comes from life's most painful learnings. Bravo! My best always, Joanne
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