This Poem was Submitted By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-25 22:06:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Scarlet Embers

There is beauty  in my  self-inflicted  daily death. I drag inward steady in my pace and exhale into this or any other LA night Watching  in awe as renegade winds  set free the fluorescent  bright burning scarlet embers Carrying them upward  beyond our time to flicker come to peace and extinguish into smog.   

Copyright © April 2005 Audrey R Donegan


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-04 06:24:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.32075
Scarlet Embers, again a most befitting title for this one.......good structure, strong word flow, emotions are allowing the reader to take this piece and run with it as they say for it might have many avenues to follow.....each one different for each reader perhaps.......the color bright red keeps jumping out at me in the form of Scarlet Embers........and I like the way you closed it too..... Carrying them upward beyond our time to flicker come to peace and extinguish into smog. Thank you again for sharing and posting......God Bless, Claire


This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-05-03 22:47:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Audrey, This is a dynamite poem. The format and structure are just right, and I'd have a hard time believing that you sat and planned them (the structure) because the words seem to just fall perfectlly where they may. ' Enticing, to begin with, is the very title of the poem "Scarlet Embers." It's a fiery, hot, bold beginning that leaves the readers only guessing what could come next. We get the feeling that it will be different, but also very pleasing. What follows is something so serene, poetic and profound. The very first stanza of the poem teases me into just whipping out my own thoughts on paper. There is beauty / in my / self-inflicted / daily death. We poets love to mix beauty and sadness, and great moments with death. This line is so alive, yet so telling of a dark place or perhaps a very dark, but exciting place. I could relate so much to this, and when I write lines like this, people who know me are sometimes afraid, but they just don't know poetty, how it works, and what penning a phrase like this truly means. The words are much more than skin deep, and I think that you do an awesome job to begin the poem with such lines. Excellent. In the second stanza, you offer a backdrop for the drama (nighttime and LA). These two sugggestions are enough to make readers think for a long time. Watching in awe as renegade winds set free the fluorescent bright burning scarlet embers This stanza brings out even more of the nightlife in LA. The flourescent lights as scarlet embers. What metaphors you bring for all of the sex, drugs and more sex and the trouble that comes with it. There's a whole lot of sinning going on in LA, too much in a minute, and you delicately play with the reality of the reality of what is really there. It's not just a word on a page. You have inscribed in time, in such a picturesque and pleasing literary way, the essence of the place. I think that the title is very appropriate. You maintain the subject thoughout, and you even leave us thinking where the author fits into the scheme of things. We could, or I could, make a lot of suggestions about where one might fit in, but somehow, I don't feel as though you are the real reason that you wrote this poem. I think you're making a social commentary that crosses many boundaries. This is a great write. The words are delicately present, but they cast a strong impression on the reader. Thanks for sharing a great piece this month. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com Carrying them upward beyond our time to flicker come to peace and extinguish into smog.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-04-30 15:57:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.67500
Hello Audrey, Having been to LA I can viaualize the nights. A lot goes on at this time and I feel that you have captured the flare of the night until the smog of the morning. The Title fits perfectly with what you are trying to convey to the reader. The structure is free flowing , well done and each stanza is concrete, making one stop to think about just what is being said in that particular sstanza. There is one way I can tella great poem is that if you read it back wards and it makes sense, then it is solid. Great work! Helen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-04-26 22:52:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Audrey, You possess a fine, delicate lyricism and exhibit a unique turn of phrase. Qualities that enrich any environs where poetry is the issue. Welcome. I look forward to me of your work. Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2005-04-26 04:09:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.66667
Audrey, It is almost embarrassing how I am drawn to your work. This is not an apology, more of a confession I suppose. There is such an incredible sense of life in this openoing passage. It is not poetic rhetoric. It is a grasping of the relationship between an almost involuntary live force that propels us and the daily self inflicted wounds that remind us that we are alive in the first place. There are images in this work that can only be understood by one who has lived in L.A. I have. I hate the fucking place. It is a seasonless world to me. That said, I alawys return. Something draws me like a confused moth to a flouescent bulb. Perhaps it is the fact that L.A. never stops pumping it scarlet neon blood at that goddamned annoying pace. It jogs on and on and on. Inhaling the life of everyone there and exhaling smog. One has to die a little every day to live in L.A. Perhaps that is why I return. L.A. is a self inflicted wound. I sincerely hope you take no offense to this characterization of what is probably your home. My love/hate relationship with the city is something that has always confounded me. Oh yeah, I love your work. Rick
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