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This Poem was Submitted By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-04-27 17:02:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Revolution

I have seen for some time now the torrid manipulations of truth spewed loosely by the ungrateful. They rant and ravish ignorant crowds desperate for a cause atop creaky bleachers that will one day topple – brought down to their knees by youthful disbelievers serving the democratic right. I know now that day will come. The hypocrisy hound will howl teeth snarled, fear-struck while the youth unite uniformed with patriotism positioned with poise ready in the wings.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Helen C DOWNEY On Date: 2005-05-02 17:10:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.68182
Audrey, An ageless poem of truths. You have written strongly of what is going on today in our world, but the scenes could have happened thousands of years ago. There is an ageless air about this poem in which I am sure this poem will be enjoyed for many years to come. In the second stanza..'atop creaky bleachers that will one day topple', this reminds me of the Romans in their time. The last stanza has good use of imagery, with each line getting stronger. This stanza reminds me of the riots of the Vietnam war on the late 60's and early 70's. There is good structure and conformity here. A very good write indeed! Helen

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-05-01 22:17:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Audrey, I couldn't agree with you more. The hypocrisy in this country has come to "torrid manipulations of truth spewed loosely by the ungrateful." Without a doubt it is becoming harder and harder to go out into the world each day and keep a smile on your face. It starts with the news coming over the alarm clock, then the TV, then you get the visual pollution of all the billboards etc...and pretty soon your teeth start grinding. This war being sold as "patriotic" is total crap that is killing thousands of innocent people and that is lining the pockets of the "three piece suit soldiers" and leaving the wounded of both sides to look forward to their under funded VA hospitals. I better stop soap boxing. They rant and ravish ignorant crowds desperate for a cause atop creaky bleachers that will one day topple – brought down to their knees by youthful disbelievers serving the democratic right. This is such a great stanza. When will this happen? I'm so waiting for the democratic party to get back some continuity and start representing and protecting the people of this country again. You put these "ignorant crowds" in the "creaky bleachers", what an image. The youthful "disbelievers". I like the word "disbelievers" here, poetically speaking, because so often we hear about the "believers". A great way to freshen the line. I know now that day will come. Separating this line out gives it even more confidence. The hypocrisy hound will howl teeth snarled, fear-struck while the youth unite uniformed with patriotism positioned with poise ready in the wings. Great alliteration here and a great visual image. I love it. In terms of writing with political content, I think you pull it off very well. The strength of this poem and its title make it stand out and beg to be read. It should be scribbled on every wall in the country like graffiti. Best, Always, Troy

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-04-28 12:16:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.72222
Oh yes this could be me back then as an anti Vietnam war protester (and I wasn't that young. You talk about the "torrid manipulations of truth" and I ask you -- whose truth? Yours? Mine? theirs? There are too many variations.The youth positioned with poise --depends on what side of the fence one is on doesn't it. There is an old saying, " The more things change the more they remain the same". I like the title because it falls right into the poem. An easy read. Thanks for posting.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2005-04-28 01:37:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.09091
A. It all goes 'round and 'round doesn't it? Some circles small, Some circles wide And there are circles that hide the fact that we're going around again, but here we are going around again. ...and we'll end up back where we started the only questions when... and after you and I have parted we'll go around again. R.

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