This Poem was Submitted By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-05-03 15:32:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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For Ashley

Hold tight the reigns  Through the rain  Ranting  Ravenous And raging. Pass the dismal and pollute Pestering   And festering In their blight Through pale placid sight. Give flight to wings  That whisper wanting For wonder’s haunting And the sky’s luring cries Beyond sound   At heights unbound. Hold tight the reigns  Through the rain Ranting Ravenous And raging. Rise to meet that right bright light Out of mind and out of sight.

Copyright © May 2005 Audrey R Donegan


This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-06-04 08:02:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84211
Oh this reads so well because of your well placed words and rhyme scheme that sparadically pops in this piece. So much wonderful use of alliteration, and nothing feels forced. This poem sings and sings strongly. I liked the way you repeated the first stanza and brought attention back to your main intent. I also felt ending with a couplet very effective as well..singling it out to get importance to the ending and good closure to the piece. I thought each one of yours stanzas to be excellent, but this is the one that I really loved the feel of on my tongue when reading outloud. "Give flight to wings That whisper wanting For wonder’s haunting And the sky’s luring cries Beyond sound At heights unbound." beautiful use of the english language and I love how you have shown us your skills..well written, but you know already don't you? (0: I am going to keep this one in my collection of great writes. take care, have a great weekend, and keep on a penning..lol Nancy


This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-06-01 02:40:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You end this poem so gracefully. The last two lines are amazing. Underneath the sound, the rhythm and the rhyme there is still a very real message. But what intrigues me most about this poem is your use of words that rhyme and the ight words. Awesome. Out of mind and out of sight leaves me thinking on many things. I think that the format of this poem works well for it. I like how you have written some lines shorter than others, and I'm sure it was the result of letting poetic words sort of fall where ever they may. I think you let them naturally fall and settle in all of the right places with this poem. It reads so well. Thanks for sharing. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-05-25 07:41:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Audrey, I see the cry of a mother in this piece telling her cherished child to reach beyond for there is light above. It will be reached one day even through the torment of life. This is my interpretation of what I read. I like how you take stanza one and emphasize it in four once again, this focus the reader on the challenges of life. The ending gives the child hope even if it can not be seen. The format is well presented and my only suggestion is in the third stanza to make it uniform to the first, second, and fourth stanza's. Well done and thanks for sharing. Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-17 04:44:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
Good Morning Poet.......I am not sure if you are speaking of Ashley as a male or female within the lines but I do sense he or she is very important to you and you are reaching out .........it seems that your friend is going through a storm of life........and you are telling him or her to hang on....do not let go, hold tight through the storm no matter how full force it may become...... Good structure, word flow, rhyme as well.....one can actually see and feel the impact of this rain storm with all its furry...... Give flight to wings That whisper wanting For wonder’s haunting And the sky’s luring cries Beyond sound At heights unbound. Enjoyed the above stanza and all it gave me......flight to wings, whisper wanting..... wonder's hainting and the sky's luring cries.........well done poet..... In closing I think it was good that you repeated the opening stanza.........thanks for posting and sharing with us......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-05-14 08:00:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Audrey, This seems to be a poem for a loved one, encouraging him to fight through the struggles and difficulties that have befallen him. The imagery is vivid and stark and heightens the sense of determination you'd like this gentleman to have in his life. Written in 5 smooth flowing verses you have captured the struggles of his world 'rain, dismal, pollute, pestering, festering', and the courage and impetus of fighting (hold tight the reins, give flight to wings, rise to meet that right bright light). I'm sure this touched Ashley and inspired him. Take Care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2005-05-11 22:51:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Dear Audrey, This poem, because I could not comprehend it, sent me to bed in a twitch. I'm taking a stab at it anyway. Because Ashley is not named in the poem, I was unsure whether male or female. It seems this person is dying or has died and you are giving directions to that "bright light-Out of mind and out of site." It is the journey there that was a problem for me. You caution, "Hold tight the reins." I find this to be emotional, sad, fraught with a desparate need to guide someone (perhaps even you) into the heavenly light of freedom, even safety. Anyway, dear Audrey, you must look at this for changes, allowing us, as readers, to know more about the person suffering through the rain, the ranting and the raging. Please don't be hurt. I say this because I see the quality of your thoughts in your work. Writing will help bring healing to that pain you carry, that and lots of prayers. Best wishes for peace and joy. Wanda
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-05-09 09:55:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I am not quite sure of what you're driving at here Audrey. Your repetition of the first verse into the second to last makes me believe this was an important event for Ashlee. The repetitious "R" sounds give a harsh reality to what you are writing about. You also cleverly reversed the "out of sight out of mind" verse that we all know to fit your right bright light. Again, I'm baffled. As I've said before, only you can know what it's all about and I was wondering if you couldn't give us, the reader, some insight in the additional notes column. Boy you have been busy writing as the top 4 poems on my list belong to you.
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