This Poem was Submitted By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-05-12 21:23:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Between Duties and Demons

No one asks you  if you want to you're just pushed  foward without recourse,  remorse or the option of  divorce for twelve months kids hollering      asking,       seeking,       begging,  treading on thin ice Mommy, mommy, MOMMY! They configure fifty million  ways to annoy the other you Somewhere between duties and  demons the line appears, while  we stand observing the pulse of humanity praying not for heartbeats  but for an ushering in of life.

Copyright © May 2005 Latorial D. Faison

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-06-06 11:06:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Latorial, I feel the helplessness is these words. Sounds like you're left holding down the fort (sorry probably poor choice of words) My heart goes out to military families. It has to be hard to raise children by yourself(esentually). And it's not like the military gives a choice of where you can go. The title makes us want to read it and doesn't give away the whole point. The flow works well and we easily feel your pain, worry and frustration. The emphasis of the capitalization of MOMMY also shows that the children are frustrated too, without their Daddy. The last stanza is the most powerful. Thank you for sharing this. I don't know anyone who is in this position and I guess I never thought about how much this situation can effect a family. I've always prayed for the soldiers, but because of this poem, will start praying for their families as well. Thanks and God Bless, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-06-03 18:34:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65217
Wow Latorial! I think this one is my favorite of yours thus far. The final sanza is just phenominal, truely fantastic. It just grabs you and begs to be reread over and over. The title I think is very fitting and this piece just seemed to flow with incredible ease and paused in all the right spots. Again, wonderful work Audrey
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-05-28 10:47:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Latorial: I've long appreciated your poetic voice. These personal poems, of marriage and children, of keeping everything in place until your husband returns, touch me most deeply of anything that you have written recently. These evoke strong emotion, and greater understanding for all those who must endure similar "duties and demons." No one asks you if you want to you're just pushed (great enjambment here) (forward) without recourse, remorse or the option of divorce The 'force' of "forward/recourse/remorse/divorce" is compelling and energetic. I get the sense of effort and a falling into a situation from which there is no possible retreat. Involuntary, unacknowledged. for twelve months It feels like twelve years or twelve decades, the way you single out the line for emphasis. Longer than it takes to have a baby. kids hollering asking, seeking, begging, treading on thin ice Mommy, mommy, MOMMY! This is the stanza which really got to me! The entreaty, constancy of demans, needing of and no feeding of the mother who gives beyond her endurance to do so. The 'last nerve' ready to snap. Having to be two parents in one, when she misses her husband and life companion in a way that is as sharp as fresh grief. Balancing on thin ice, without slipping and falling, the children riding on your shoulders. That's what you show me here, Latorial. They configure fifty million ways to annoy the "other you" -- WONDERFUL! "the other you" -- brilliant way of showing that the 'real you' is the loving, always adoring of her children, woman - but for a time, she seems recessive, in retreat from the overwhelming responsibilities before her. Somewhere between duties and demons the line appears, while we stand observing the pulse of humanity praying not for heartbeats but for an ushering in of life. Here you turn, facing the reader(s), to point out that this is more than a personal struggle, that our hearts beat together, that we are all, all of once substance. I hear this last line as the strongest in the poem. You unite us with more than the observation of "the pulse of humanity" -- you bring it to use, we feel it. It beats. Magnificent poetry, once more. Your strong voice, true and real, and very much appreciated. Brava! My best to you, always Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-05-20 22:22:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi Latorial, This was a deep one. And though this is written from the perspective of a woman, there are many who are confronted with choices (or the lack of them) and the many facets to their identitites, conflicting wants and desires, etc. The poem 'Duties and Demons' brings about this reality through the poet's own personal experience and reflects a kind of freezing between a 'forced' life (duties, domestic compulsions) and 'the other you' (who would prefer to liberate and breathe in the 'ushering in of life'. But for the attainment of harmony and peace of mind it's all about drawing a fine line 'Between Duties and Demons'. Another fine piece Latorial...with all the right words at the right times. The poem had a very good flow and was aptly titled (it was catchy!!) Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-05-19 14:51:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Okay...but have you ever heard of "choice?" I wouldn't want to be a mother either...(but I was a father!) So, you said it well in a few short lines. ...and then where would you be without your kids? PPD? Choices? Thanks...for baring your soul. Arnie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-14 06:41:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88235
Hi Poet......Read this over and over and I am feeling that the mother within the lines is a bit tired, weary and feeling mostly all alone in her duties, per say , of raising these little ones......who are constanstly at each other with their squabbles......annoying the other you........sometimes we forget who we are, what we are and what we might stand for.......reminds me of a situation where the husband might be sent off to war.....did anyone ask if he wanted to go, or if the wife wanted to remain behind with the children, alone for those twelve months? No, we cannot ask or seek a divorce, we did not actually put ourselves where we are, we are once more victims of the world around us.......Of course I am way off base here but this is what I felt.....good structure, word flow and emotions that are so deeply set out....thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire It could be about a marriage gone wrong but I don't feel it to be that way.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-13 17:57:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Latorial, In this, I believe divorice, it feels like all of life as you know it is unraveling. And it is. It's like you lost who you were. In marriage you become 'his'. Like a piece of property. to do with as he may. When you love someone, you shouldn't lose who you are. But thats what happens. But know you know! Once you gain back your life, yourself, you will be perfectly fine. It's all the fears of the unknown that scare us soooooo. And it takes much courage to live. The secret is to stay busy........take those children for a walk, force yourself to read a book, go do be and thee will return to live again. better... Good poem, showing suffering. treading on thin ice ways to annoy the other you praying not for heartbeats but for an ushering in of life. remorse or[and] the option of divorce My best wishes for joy ahead[hang on for the ride] Dellena
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