This Poem was Submitted By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2005-05-16 21:10:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Every Other Night, At The Paradise Cafe

Every other night, At the Paradise Cafe She would come around Selling her flowers. Without saying a word She would extend a rose In your direction, And there were those Who took the flower But refused to pay, And she would simply walk away And offer another bloom To whomever would catch her eye.   So, it seemed only natural that I  Would make up a life for her. I simply could not let  The small, non-dissolved pieces Slip trough the mesh  And embrace only the fragments. She had to come from, And return to…somewhere. The flowers didn’t just magically appear. She wasn’t just a paragraph Or a phrase On the occasional page Of the reams of days That play themselves out In this little corner bar. She was a novel unto herself. But why must I write it? Why can’t I let her  Pedestrian through my life Like so many other people On any other San Francisco night? Sidney’s brother, that goddamned drunkard, said he had seen her hanging with ‘Joe The Toe’. “She’s a fuckin’ whore man”, he explodes in six perfect shots, while laughing, then reloads and fires, “She’s a junkie whore man!” And then he leans back, So self-self satisfied, In his chair And awaits my reaction. I must have let it slip In some fraction Of a conversation  Or given it away With one of those looks. Either way, The truth is, I would await her arrival Every other night At her appointed hour. But I was a drunk  Much too shy To so much as even buy A single flower.

Copyright © May 2005 Rick Barnes


This Poem was Critiqued By: Moira Grace Hamel-Smith On Date: 2005-08-07 00:27:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
There's a stillness,a distance between the subject and the author,that seems to close in as herself is revealed.She does not interact,she is apart.That is what compells you to"make up a life for her." She clearly does not belong to this world.Re "But why must I write it?" Like you have a choice! “She’s a fuckin’ whore man” Sometimes I wish I was a guy,the urge to punch the hater pig,was palpable. “She’s a junkie whore man!” And then he leans back, So self-self satisfied, In his chair She seems even more delicate more pure in this light. And he knows a lot of junkie whores? You silly love sick boy,next time some asshole doesnot pay go over to her say I'll get that,a gentleman is never rejected. I love love love this.The range of emotions it evoked,the gentle cadence so sweet and shy. No wonder she holds herself apart.Soft in sound but very sharp images.I always SEE your poems so clearly. Romance defined. Moira


This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-06-04 08:31:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87879
Rick, I love this poem. It seems honest and pure and bold to write. So many things are left unsaid in life, and I think that poetry helps us make up for lost time and lost words. The title is great. I can never come up with great titles, but this one is a jewel for what you bring to the readers in each line here. You paint a picture of a life that is often overlooked in real life. People do have their importances, and it's funny how they nonchalantly find themselves taking places in our lives. My favorite lines from this piece were: She wasn’t just a paragraph Or a phrase On the occasional page (She wasn't just some person we see in passing each day who comes to have no meaning for us because of what people think she is or where she comes from. Everyone is someone to somebody, and it's so intriguing that she would find a place in your hearts. It's almost natural that you'd write a page for her. It's what writers do. They pay attention to what and who others overlook in life) She was a novel unto herself. (Dynamite line here! She was. She is. We all are. But who will pick us up and read us, that is the question? It's like any other novel. We aren't all interested in Danielle Steele's writing, but so many people out there are, and I can only imagine that so many people will be attracted to the genuine nature of this poem. I love it. You make great comparisons to writing with this woman and very deservingly so. If nothing more, you'll make readers think about women who resemble her, and you'll make us think about people that we see from day to day, or every "other" day in our lives differently. That's the point, and that's an important point to make. We get so caught up in our little lives that we forget that everybody else is someone else too. It's great that you are drawn to her). But why must I write it? Why can’t I let her Pedestrian through my life Like so many other people On any other San Francisco night? (Because this is your destiny. She was part of your destiny, and this poem will do somebody somewhere some good in life). Thanks for sharing it. I think that it is a wonderful poem. I wasn't sure if "self-self satisfied" was a typo or intentional. I think it could work they way you've written it though. Great poem Rick. I'm glad I had the chance to read it this month. Keep on writing. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-05-31 08:09:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah, the humanity.....wonderful poem Rick - filled with pathos and an empathic understanding of the human condition in all its manifestations r Pedestrian through my life a little too formal a verb here Much too shy To so much as even buy A single flower. lovely ending to a rich and sensitive poem best Roni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-21 15:01:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
Hi Rick olous! Risk taker, earth shaker, rule maker........ You know how you are reading something long and you must have a moment to breath? You ran it so all together [your purpose] but I would love a break.... she was a novel unto herself ........next stanza. Small complaint/whatever... I much enjoyed the equalness you treated her even though her profession not the best. Nor the worst. The double standards a hoot! And being enamored was so sweetly neat. I loved your simple rhyming words scattered throught....I like rhyme/shoot me! pay/away buy/shy fraction was good too You must bake FRESH bread/poems daily. Fresh is best! I'll take a slice or two...... Perfecto! Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-05-17 17:07:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rick: This is right down to glass splinters in the (writer's)nail beds. The way I want to write -- to the bone, pared. And I would like to have seen 'one of those looks' as I well can imagine it. ;) But you don't spare yourself here, nor the reader, but you respect the woman "who was a novel unto herself." That kind of respect is part of what makes life worth living, for me. This is Rick Barnes "no bullshit" and I love it. It's like a challenge to me, to offer up something of such clarity. You always inspire me -- for this, and for the poem, my thanks. You honor the woman of whom it was said “She’s a junkie whore man!” I've know women with this description who did tell me their stories a few years ago. You honor all of our humanity with yours. Honored, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-05-17 08:36:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
RickBarnes: novel use of "pedestrian" ( v. intr.) powerfully and well told "story" I too would have been iterating and interpolating to fill the gaps in her life. She wasn't a co-ed with an anaconda in her bed? tew
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-17 01:07:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Rick whether this woman is real or fictional you have painted quite an image of her in your mind's eye......nicely structured poem, very easy to read, enjoyed the word flow and the images created.....good rhyme as well...... Every other night, At the Paradise Cafe She would come around Selling her flowers. ....did she have a name poet .....if you or someone else talked to her did they call her by name? Just wondered, she is real to me from the beginning with or without a name......She would come around selling her flowers.......the way she made a living no doubt, the source of her supplies begin with the beauty she extended to others.......I wonder too was she young or older.......I hate the thought of old when one should be in the comfort of their home, with their children or grandchildren, telling stories that would be passed on for generations to come.....though I must admit this lady had many stories to tell....... She would extend a rose In your direction, And there were those Who took the flower But refused to pay, And she would simply walk away And offer another bloom To whomever would catch her eye. She sounds like a trusting woman to just extend a rose, allow others to take it and when they refuse just walk away, not causing problems for anyone......that is sad to think though that someone would take advantage of her even now...... The way you create her in writing is good........even the images your 'friend' paints are food for thought though it seems she is much more then what he has represented........seems to me poet you were facinated by this woman who appeared every other night at this cafe.........and its too sad to think of you as being too shy to talk with her, let alone buy her a cup of coffee, tea and a rose...... Life is all we make of it is it not poet? For some the road is harder to travel......this lady had her share of problems it is obvious.....but it still seems she held onto some of her dignity as she did not beg for things but rather offered in exchange for.......seems to me without saying a word to her you did befriend her in some 'special' way. Thanks for posting and sharing with us.....again, I did so enjoy the read and it is on list of favorites for this month......God Bless, Claire
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