This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-22 18:06:50 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Gripping Dirt A door popping open, led me to step outside.
Before me lay a pathway, beckoning for me to ride.
Hesitating momentarily, scanning my mind’s within.
Fearing the unknown has kept me rooted down.
Skies blue, and witches brew, I know not where I'm bound.
The suns at loss today, the world without is dark.
Searching between the trees and brush entwined
for courage, insight, and purpose to call as mine.
Bending to my knees, at the feet of my life I kneel……
teach me what must be taught, to know of who I am.
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Copyright © May 2005 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-06-04 20:07:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88571
Dellena,
This title is very interesting. I like it. I have read this poem several times over to get a grasp on what it gives to me. I see in this poem someone who has come to a crossroads. It appears the speaker has come to a halt and is in search of self. That's the ultimate journey in life, I think, for everyone, figuring out who we are and what our main purpose in life is.
You have chosen an interesting poetic structure, and it does work well. The poem reads smoothly, and the meaning is illustrated nicely.
I like the last stanza where the speaker mentions "searching between the trees and brush entwined/for courage, insight and purpose to call as mine"
I think those lines summarize what it is the speaker is after. Many, many readers will be able to identify with this and feel the longing in each line. I feel that this poem is honest and sincere.
Most profound and prolific is the very last line. It's an awesome line:
"teach me what must be taughth, to know of who I am"
This last line carries so much weight. It relates to so many sayings and proverbs that exist. For example, one must learn from his/her experience or you can't go forward in life until you know where you've come from.
In this line you speak to the greater power, to nature and to life saying just teach hme what I need to know to know who I am. When we know who we are, when we realize our own power that lies within, the sky really is the limit. It's such a great feeling to realize the purpose of one's life.
I'm 32, married, with kids, a poet, writer, educator and publisher, and some days I still ask the question "What am I here for?"
Gripping Dirt is a great title because it could be symbolic to the dirt from which we've come, if you believe in God's creation. I think it's important to identify with our beginning in order to know where life and God is trying to lead us.
Great poem. Thanks for sharing it. Keep on writing. You've written some great selections this month, and I've enjoyed them.
Latorial
www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-06-01 08:17:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
The depth is what I like in this poem especially. Finding ones purpose, identity, is a difficult and journey onto itself. Questions always arise depending on the direction chosen and each path will have a fork; it is at the end that one has to ponder was it the correct one chosen on the travel of life?
The first stanza prepares the reader where the second leads to the question within. You lead this reader into the last stanza with the puzzle of life.
Well done. Great format, wonderful words, great questions. No suggestions here on a job well done. Thomas.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-05-24 07:17:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84848
Hi Dellena,
Your poems this month have carried very significant philosophical undertones and have rooted themselves in the human persona and psyche. They seem to explore the unexplained of what being human is all about.
The last line of Gripping Dirt is testament to this -'teach me what must be taught, to know of who I am'. The poem represents a spirit stepping out into the world of the self in a quest for her identitiy.
A door popping open, led me to step outside. ------- (the beginning of introspecting the self)
Before me lay a pathway, beckoning for me to ride.
Hesitating momentarily, scanning my mind’s within.-----(the hesitiaion might be out of fear of the unknown)
Fearing the unknown has kept me rooted down.------ (i was right)
Skies blue, and witches brew, I know not where I'm bound--- (skies blue and witches brew: the search could have led anywhere, <like the contrast>)
The suns at loss today, the world without is dark.-----(again, hesitiation, not knowing oneself is being likened to the darkness)
Searching between the trees and brush entwined-----(reference to struggle tied together like the flora of a forest)
for courage, insight, and purpose to call as mine.
Bending to my knees, at the feet of my life I kneel……--(my favorite line, excellent imagery and well said)
teach me what must be taught, to know of who I am.-----(the theme of the piece, knowledge of the self)
This was a very deep and thought evoking piece. Well Done!!
Take Care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-24 06:58:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86000
Interesting read Poet........good structure, word flow, emotions abound.......like the ....Skies blue, and witches brew, I know not where I'm bound.
The suns at loss today, the world without is dark.
There are many days I find lately have been filled with the darkness of no sunshine........real or not........I often question why I am still here......my life seems to empty at times......fear is a controlling factor which only harms my physical health.........I trust in the Lord though.......my faith sustains me.........though I do have a most difficult time letting go and allowing His will to be done......
This ....Bending to my knees, at the feet of my life I kneel.......powerful for this reader to find my friend.....thanks for posting, sharing and I pray if you are still searching that you soon will know who you are for you shine for all the world to see.....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Patricia Gibson-Williams On Date: 2005-05-23 00:43:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Seems like I've been here. Standing on a path that has suddenly grown rough and I can't see what's ahead. I wonder if I should just stay right here, but I know I can't. I pause and pray and hope for the strenght and courage to continue on my way.
Right now (for me) the path often seems too rough and I feel like at any second I'm going to fall down and not be able to get back up. But, so far, so good.
If I'm reading it right I think suns should be sun's.
I liked this especially the last line.
Patti
This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-05-22 20:32:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
I'm not very active this month, but felt I would be remiss if I didn't stop by to tell you that this line is as fine a line as I've read at the TPL.
"Bending to my knees, at the feet of my life I kneel……"
I just love it. It's the kind of line I never forget. I mean that. I have a little memory bank just for things like this that blow me away.
I also like the concept of letting your life teach you or help you figure out what may lie ahead.
Overall, very well written, but that one line is simply amazing.
Thanks for the memory,
Troy
p.s. I hope you are enjoying your flower beds and garden this spring. I worked all day on mine. Sore and dirty as I type this.
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-05-22 18:56:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.30769
Well, I think I know of what you speak for you have told me so...So...you are the teacher...
you are the guru...just look in the mirror...sit and reflect...go deep and you will learn all
the lessons and answers you need to know.
Now, I think I would like to see some corrections.
A door popping open, led me to step outside.
Before me lay a pathway, beckoning for me to ride.
Hesitating momentarily, scanning my mind’s within.
A door popped open and led me to step outside (popping and led must be of the same tense)
Before me lay a pathway(,)beckoning me to ride ....for is superfluous
Hesitating momentarily, scanning my mind within.
Fearing the unknown has kept me rooted down.
Skies blue, and witches brew, I know not where I'm bound.
The suns at loss today, the world without is dark.
Fear of the unknown has kept me rooted down.
Skies blue and witches brew, I know not where I'm bound.
The sun(')s at a loss today, the world without is dark!
Hope that helps. BTW...good title.
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