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This Poem was Submitted By: Medard Louis Lefevre Jr. On Date: 2005-05-25 10:01:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Lost Years

Lost years cigarettes and alcohol self-loathing boredom and anxiety depression, agoraphobia self-absorption relationships eroded financial corruption Lost years forever became never separated from God my choice blessings remain my choice to refuse them self-righteous denial Lost years minutes to days fulfillment wasted a life pissed away occupying a space more deserved by others who welcome a rich pageant Lost years pride destroyed all coveted selfishness a wall well built no one enters and no one leaves I am here alone here I will stay

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-05 09:57:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Your poem left me with a sadness, while we make our own cages and may resign ourselves to just that it is still sad to see one confine themself so totaly. Thank you so much for sharing your insights, many of us have done the same as your poem states but yet have not come to the self-awareness of self imposed confinement. Tecnhniquely I felt that you had a good flow/meter.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-06-03 18:28:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65217
Hi, this is the fist in a while that I have critiued of yours. First off, a very fitting title for this piece. There are a lot of powerful emotions jumping off the page: sorrow, regret/shame even, self-tourment and isolation. The short line breaks I think really allow the poem to poccess its naturally strong prescence The only suggestions I would make would be to take out the 'and' inbetween depression and anxiety, possibly adding a comma or making another line. Only for the purpose on the flow of the piece. Either way, nicely done. Thanks for posting, Audrey

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-05-29 15:13:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41935
I take it that this is about yourself...well do I have a lot to say to you, but is this the place? As a retired Psychiatric Nurse I can tell you this much...you have a lot of inner soul work to do. Reflection and meditation, and stop feeling sorry for yourself! Get going. Get into something. Break down those walls you've built. You have said it so well - "Lost Years." Is this your own doing or is there some history of depression in your genes? Self righteous denial need not be part of your frame-work. You need counselling, group therapy, etc. Get into it! You have said it all so well...your feelings and thoughts and it's never too late. Okay? No need to be alone forever. All it takes is one phone call~AA or any other group. Get going...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Donna Carter Soles On Date: 2005-05-26 22:11:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Hello Medard: This poem is very sad and also very realistic. It happens to so many people, and I hope this is not the case with yourself. You used some very nice imagery in this piece when you spoke of your 'own space' and the 'invisible wall' that you had built around yourself. This is a certain sign of someone trapped in their own self-made 'prison'. I also noticed that you were very light with the punctuation in this poem, but it looks very nice as it stands. What stands out the most is the subject matter and you have done well with your descriptions and delivery. A 'life pissed away' (as you said) is certainly not a glamourous statement, but one that clearly descibes the nitty-gritty of such a lifestyle. I could just feel all of the pain pent up inside as well as the self-pity. A person can lose so much by keeping their first 'love' (which in this case is an addition) before everyone else. The best I could say is that someone like this should seek help and hope to find a real friend around them, and this would need to be a strong person since the one with the addition is not. Thank you for sharing this emotionally-filled piece of what many people have battled with in their lives. Keep on writing, Donna

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-05-26 08:18:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Medard, I see despair within this piece. I like the frankness of the words and each line making the reader ponder upon them. The main thought that is seen for me is how one looks inward ignoring all that is surrounding one. Building a wall we have all done this, some are able to chip away, others have someone they least except to scale it and enter their world. Yes the years are lost when we have secluded ourselves yet the world can be bright and full even for a moment for it enters the inner self. I really like this piece you place emphasis on being alone preventing others from reaching one. The hidden message I see is fear and I get that from your first stanza by your words depression, agoraphobia, and relationships eroded. I like the presentation and format especially you not using punctuation at the end of each line for it should be assumed. Well done and thank you for sharing. Thomas

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-05-25 21:59:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Medard, I think what lies within this poem is one of the main reasons God created poetry. I first chose to critique this poem because of your title. I was wanting to write about LOST YEARS in my life, and I needed something to push me on, and I found your poem filled with reality. From beginning to end, I sense and honesty about you and the choices that you have made. I see a lot of redemption here. I'm not so sure the speaker is content with the present state of things; however, he/she does seem willing to let things remain. You bring out some very good images throughout the poem. I think I particularly loved most the image of the wall being built up around the self letting no one in or out. Secondly, I thought it was very clever to use self-analysis as your basis here. I'm sure you could have blamed many things on many other people in your life, but you do not do that. This is a sure sign of someone who has crossed over in life. I think we spend the first half of our lives sometimes criticizing others or blaming others, and in the second half we see things and people for what and who they really are. Your poem can serve in many ways. In some ways it's a testimonial encouraging others to take advantage of every moment and every meaningful thing in life, not to take it for granted. You paint a very good picture poetically of what the end can be like when we take some things for granted. I like the free flow of this poem. You don't force the reader to stick to any kind of rhyme scheme. It's free verse, and that's so fitting as the words that appear in each line seem to flow freely in meaning, but you make such a profound statement with this poem about life. You show us that sometimes we can't easily redeem the years lost to other chaos. This is a priority poem. Thanks for pointing to a few of the things in life that should not effect us and also those that should. Keep on sharing life in your work. It's great. I enjoyed this poem, and I look forward to reading others. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-25 10:09:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87273
Wow Poet....powerful indeed, and I am sure it will touch the hearts of many that also have been there, done that and lived to regret it all......good structure, word flow and images packed with emotions abound.......We have all felt these Lost Years at times but you have stated it so very well....thank you for sharing, I am sure this was not easy to write but it must have helped your soul to release it and share it.....I know it has helped and touched me.......God Bless, Claire

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