This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2005-05-25 18:20:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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verse 70 (Candle)

O Shadowmaker Cast your mortal fire once more Guide this dark moment

Copyright © May 2005 Erzahl Leo M. Espino


This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-04-05 15:44:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
I like the thought behind this..just a note..second line has 8 syllables not true to original form but non the matter to me. Just thought you might want to know, if you didn't already..(:


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-06-07 12:58:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ezrahl! Now I feel as if I am really on TPL. Now that I have read one of your Haiku I know I'm in the right place! This is a lovely tribute to the candle, which has been giving us light for centuries. Nice choice of words. "Shadowmaker" gives this a spiritual, old world kind of flavor. Then the use of "mortal fire" adds to this flavor, as does "dark moment". It reminds me of the scripture that says "Shine your light. You do not put your light under a bowl but shjine it for everyone to see or something like that. lol I can't remember the exact wording, but you get the idea. Thanks for making me feel at home. Blessings,' jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-06-05 20:52:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
Hi Erzahl, I had not read much of your work this month. This one is a pleasant surprise. What I find most intriguing about this one is that it could fit either the candle itself or the candle maker or the candle lighter. This is a great haiku. Again, a great haiku makes a lasting impression with the few words and syllables that it is allowed. Your first line is very attractive and it poetically gets the haiku off to a fresh start. Its ounds like poetry. It is poetry. "O shadowmaker" This line cast the mood of something Shakespearean. It took me back to the original poets, and sort of set a lovely mood. The second line "Cast your mortal fire once more" continues that plight. The words "cast" and "mortal" and then "once more" have such a delightful coming together. This is not a modern day haiku, or you are not a modern day man. You think in another more perfect century, and the poetic brilliance shines through in poems like these that you write. Often I read poetry more for the way it sounds than for what it means. But in this case, you score 100% on both scales. This peace sounds poetic and lovely and soothing and insatiable, but the meaning is real, and it's truth. Poetry is about truth. You master so many techniques in this form. Well done. Finally, you end the haiku with the most profound 5 syllables poetry readers could ever deserve: "Guide this dark moment" You bring closure, but you have written something provocative, something that could be applicative to so many different variables in life. You outdid yourself with this haiku. I love it. I love it. I love it. The voting is going to be so hard for me this month. Wow! Haiku is not easy to write. Well, it's often easy to come up with 5,7,5 sequences, but to come up with something that we can call poetry is really hard. You did it again. Congratulations on a great haiku, and thanks for sharing it. Keep on writing. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-06-04 13:59:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Erzahl, I loved the fire guiding the dark moment. But what I wonder about is if Fire is 'mortal' I think of all things upon the earth, that element is to be the most spiritual. Energy/god! Holy Spirit.... I'd cast your Godly fire. That way it could be taken as something good lighting darkness. Whatever, it works either way. Who's the shadowmaker, I'm curious? man/devil/God? You got me going on another one..... Good job again. Keep them coming.... Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-05-29 18:54:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
ee- mortal? I think immortal. te
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-05-27 21:48:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Wonderfully written. Good to see you back at it Master of the Haiku. Lik=ght is a wonderful thing. It would be hard to live in the shadows all the time... so with this light you cast the demons out. Thanks Erzahl.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-05-26 07:45:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86486
Hi Erzahl! In the beginning, this piece struck me as a Haiku. I'm not an expert in poetic forms but I believe that a Haiku syllable count would read as 5-7-5. Your second line has 8 syllables if you count 2 in fire. On the other hand, this might not have been written to read as a Haiku anyways so I'll rise above the restrictions of form and pattern and comment on the substance that makes 'verse 70 (Candle), a very well-written and thought-evoking piece. It also tells us about the mental disposition of the poet and could symbolically represent a person seeking a way out from strife, struggle (darkness)----'Guide this dark moment'. A reference to the fire as 'mortal' carries with it a depth of thought. The poet seems to realise that any guidance he gets through the darkness(strife, struggle, depression), is temporary and that he will have to make it on his own in due course. It's amazing how the smallest of poems reveal a whole world of emotion, thought and philosophy and this poem is one of them. Well-written!! Hope to read and comment on more of your work in the future. Take Care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-05-26 07:44:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl, Always enjoy reading your Haiku. You have given me a picture of a candle and the depth of life itself. Love the words used Shadow maker(not sure if intentional without space in your Haiku), mortal, and Guide. These amplify the need for light within the darkest moments. Well done as always. Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-05-25 20:10:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl: You excel so much with this, that you have exceeded even yourself! I am swept away with the mysticism in this, the subtlety. Truly, it would not be excessive praise for me to say that this is your masterpiece. Incredible. I'm sorry this critique is a little brief, but I wanted to let you know how this haiku has affected me. It is clear that you have been continuing to write poetry even though you have been away from TPL for awhile. Your poetic vision in this simply takes my breath away. I think that, to loosely quote someone, poetry is how you write life. Much appreciation coming from this admirer. My best always, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-25 19:22:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Poet, you pulled the plug on lights with this one my friend.........plunging the reader in the middle of the night as if hit by a lightening storm.......knowing where the candles are I am able to light one thus having the mortal fire once more to guide this dark moment......amazing the images you created and the memories you brought back to life with this Haiku written so very well in such good structure and form....... Here in Tully one December afternoon we loss power as did the entire Eastern coast........we had no electricity for five long days during which time I burnt many a candle, oil lamp and a cord of wood trying to keep the lines from freezing.....loss three freezers filled with food ....cooked what I could but being alone here with my mother in law at the time we did not do justice to the food we tried to save.......Honestly without candles it would have been so hard at night when darkness over took the area.........the shadows one does create with the flicker of the flame and we watched many dance across the ceiling and walls during that time......thanks for posting, enjoyed the memories and the knowledge that we do have electricity to light our nights but when it fails bless those shadowmakers.......... God Bless, Claire
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