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This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2005-05-28 05:16:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Soul Axis

You wonder does everyone have a core? Does everyone have a center where their soul resides? It just seems that so many are filled with asteroids No Sun Nothing orbiting Just drifting I’m thankful After my Big Bang I’ve coalesced

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-06-06 16:03:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ken! I really enjoy this one! The title arouses the reader's curiosity and then the questions are great! And the verbiage is wonderfully fresh and actually very appropriate. I've known some "asteroids" and I wonder if they realize they are just flying through space headed to destruction. What an ingenous word usage! Love it! Only question I have is should you really have "After" on line 14 capped? That was the only confusion for me. You give us a glimpse of your quick wit and a good chuckle as well. Your "Big Bang" is a creative way to say your beginning or birth and I love "coalesced" here, meaning "growing together" as one. Great job! Bravo! Thanks for sharing this one.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2005-06-01 10:34:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Kenneth, you touch an interesting chord, but perhaps answer your own question. The soul just may be "the center" and the core, ergo "yes" to your first questions. Don't know about who or what "so many" pertains to, but if it is other beings with "No Sun Nothing orbiting Just drifting" your observation is a personal one. The metaphor using the "Big Bang" is well done, and the ending "I've coalesced" deserves this minimalist's applause. Nice work as usual. Peace, Paul

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-30 20:14:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84375
Hi Poet....thanks for posting this for me to find on my list..........good structure, word flow, filled with many thoughts, emotions, perhaps hopes and dreams and not just a negative side of life.......do we all have a core and a center where our soul resides? Good questions, I wonder what people think about when they do stop and consider having a soul......I for one am a true, firm believer in my own soul, I love the friendship it has with my Lord, I often wonder what would it be life without one.......and that is a frightening thought...........I bet there would only be sickness, pain, sorrow, disaster after disaster as one would have no emotions associated otherwise.....no conscious either.....but then its just my own thought on the subject.........we all need the sun to bring light into our otherwise dark world. Again, thank you for sharing with us.......God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-05-30 15:44:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is an astrologically adorable poem Kenneth. I particularly enjoy how you have brought the terminology to life surrounding life. So often when people think of the stars, they think of how human life is also connected to them and orbits and suns and moons. I love the title "Soul Axis," because without a doubt, there is something that keeps our souls in tune. There is something around which we revolve or for something around which we do. You pose a question in your poem that I think everyone ponders on at some point in life. Why are we here? What are we made of? What are we to do here? It's all about the soul, and it's all about the "core" that you mention or wonder if we have in the poem. You write about an old, old philosophy that still puzzles millions of minds in today's new world of knowledge and findings. We know the physics and the biology, the astrology and the mind, but what do we really, really know? How connected are we to the brilliance of science. This is what leaps out when I read your words. Are we filled with asteroids, pieces of gaseous matter that really don't matter (smile)? This stanza and the next "No Sun/No orbiting . . . " they make me think of what many atheists believe about life, that we just are . . . for no apparent reason and because of no one's doing. We're just here. Your poem took a turn here for me. The wondering seemed not to be as deep, but lessened to a smaller degree of chance, and I think it's great to present two sides of a coin in the poem. I don't know if it was your intent, but it works well. "Just drifting" as so many of us do in life. You bring the poem to a close with sort of a reassurance of your own beliefes. The Big Bang metaphor/analogy was great, and "coalesced" is such a great word to end the last thought. Magnificent poem. All around, I love the title, the word play, and the meaning behind the words. Great job. Latorial www.latorialfaison.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-05-28 14:23:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91429
Hi Kenneth, Yes, you 'know' everyone has a core, center,soul, although it seems not. I understand the dilemma when there is such badness and drifting lost people. One thing that always come to mind is the fact: to balance you must have both good and bad. We can't have good without bad. light/dark So I like to think of how much good we must have and not even know about! Tons! Also, at one time, ten years ago, I thought I'd learned enough, I could die. And today, I'm amazed at my ignorance. If I lived 100more years, I'm still at loss. What it seems from this poem, you are doing very well in your quest. When it all comes together for you, your at the top of the game. good poem/good job/good questions. Best wishes, Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: hello haveaniceday On Date: 2005-05-28 13:33:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Hi Kenneth, This deceptively simple poem is thought provoking. You have put a huge question out there as a snack and then just stated your own satisfaction. You know they say that the universe is still expanding as a result of that Big Bang, and many recently are saying there was no such event. It doesn't matter except that you are talking about huge and boundaryless things. Personally I imagine my soul above me under the protection of some ruffian guardians who laugh at me but keep "my core" safe. Thanks so much for these words. Barb

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-05-28 08:37:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ken: I am sitting here smiling. You write here with such voice, a subtlety (always a hallmark of your work), and a poem that could have been written for me or by me if circumstances were different. I have to say I feel that this poem of yours is like a gift. A recognition of so much that is internal for this reader. You've given life to a marvel here, Ken. I'm not going to hold back my appreciation of any of it. Of course anything astronomical/mystical is food and drink to me, the very personal way in which you have expressed this makes it an inner soul song. Let my detractors shake their heads, "There she goes, being effusive again." Damn right! I am!! I absolutely love the poem, did I mention that? You wonder does everyone have a core? You lead into the work with a spiritual/philosophical question, but more than that, a personal statement, a question you ask yourself, and are now asking us as readers. Poetics are not neglected, with the soft 'r' sounds in L1-3. And your slow pacing, like a walk. Time enough to consider the question. Does everyone have a center where their soul resides? In one of my poems here recently, I spoke to a similar issue. My answer to you if we were talking would be something like, "Of course they do, Ken. That's what we are." But thinking again, some seem to have forgotten about that center or are cut off from it. In a sense, this is one of the ineffable mysteries -- we do not know. Though I love to think I know. (I really know nothing, whatsoever.) It just seems that so many are filled with asteroids As I read this quickly the first time, this is where I laughed -- with happiness and recognition. And of course the term, those little fragmented rock bodies hurling around in loops -- what a visual image! And their names!! Persephone, Ceres, Vesta, Pallas, Juno. Hygeia. A wealth of mythology. Some people seem to be spinning stony fragments. At times I feel like this - but they are not stones for me but meteorites, combusting when they reach earth's atmosphere. Asteroids do not connect, seem impervious, shed no light. No Sun Nothing orbiting Just drifting You have said it better than I ever could. Your sustained metaphor works extremely well. I’m thankful After my Big Bang (Spiritual experience? And the thankfulness, I hear that!) I’ve coalesced Last line is out of this world. The fruits of this coalescence are seen in your poem, Ken. The center of it is present in your words. Shedding light. Marvelously done. A great gift with which to start my poetic day. Bravo!! Best always, Joanne

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