This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2005-05-31 13:16:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Wet Ink Hues of green glimmer in the waters eye
Sparkling bubbles rise as the boats go by.
Waves come tossing as we all hold on
Magnitudes of suns rays strike beyond.
Trees so majestic stand on mountains high
Birds dance on branches not to deny.
Life’s marvelous chances are all around
Dreams are never to be totally bound.
Many around us will paddle and play
Some in the sun where they choose to lay.
Outer skin tans with sun so fresh
All to find anything warm to the flesh.
All seem to laugh in the summer glee
Some ache inside searching for “their” me.
Lost long ago was a little girl
Can she be found in the water’s swirl?
There is a reflection that stares at me
Who is this person desiring to be free?
Lost so young now knowing why
Still searching for answers as time passes by.
Suddenly a splash sprays over my words
Wet ink smears making it difficult to read.
Life with known mysteries continues on
As the ink soon dries the pain will be gone.
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Copyright © May 2005 Debbie Spicer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-06-04 10:08:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Debbie,
It is such a joy to find you posting again. It has been such a long time.
This was a gripping poem, revolving around a confrontation with the struggles of a turbulent past and a resurfacing of the scars as dark reminders. The poem is based on a rhyme scheme which in a sense symbolises a beating pulse that gradually beats faster, culminating in the smearing of the poet's ink. The honesty in the reflection of feelings and emotions in this piece draws one to the opinion that this was written with tears rather than ink...a testament to the power of poetry.
The setting of the piece is stark as the poet draws into contrast the 'regular' contented and beautiful life around her with that of her troubled past and the depiction of the reflection of the young child in the water is apt and haunting as it represents a re-surfacing of the torments of ere. ('Hues of green glimmer in the waters eye, Sparkling bubbles rise as the boats go by <<<CONTRAST WITH>>> There is a reflection that stares at me ,Who is this person desiring to be free? Lost so young now knowing why, Still searching for answers as time passes by)
The sudden splash of ink in the last verse is especially important in this piece and produces an image of the poet being jerked out of her thoughts of her sad past. Thankfully, the pain is temporary (As the ink soon dries the pain will be gone.' and the poet would eventually pick up the fragments and piece her life together yet again.
This was a powerfully emotionally driven piece, Debbie. Writing and sharing are both therapeutic in nature and I'm sure this opportunity helped reduce the burden that was forced upon your shoulders. This will also give strength to your readers (including myself) and offer consolation through the fact that we are never alone in our times of despair.
Looking forward to reading and hearing from you more often. Well-written.
Take Care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-06-02 11:12:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Wow! this is wonderful in so many ways my friend. It reads so innocently which I am sure you have intended, knowing your skill with the "INK" that spills. I love the images and the little scenes that you have written leading up to your twist in the middle of your poem. This gives the reader a start! and we want to keep on reading to wonder "Lost long ago was a little girl
Can she be found in the water’s swirl?" and can she my friend? I truly hope so! I love your closing on this, one of hope and positivity as well ..."Suddenly a splash sprays over my words
Wet ink smears making it difficult to read.
Life with known mysteries continues on
As the ink soon dries the pain will be gone. The water a metaphor for the passing of memory, perhaps the healing making the memories harder to remember the pain numbed,and then when it all dries, or finally is put to rest, dealt with, the pain will be gone, and life continues on and the process continues to heal the spirit of that adorable innocent little child. Nice to read your words, and know I you are in my heart my friend. ((hugs)) Nancy
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-06-02 09:44:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Debbie:
I am delighted to find this poem by you. Since you began writing here,
I’ve observed a stronger voice emerging with each poem, and it has been
a long time since you’re given us a new one to contemplate. So, a rare
treat it is, and a privilege, to have a chance to comment on this one.
First, I like your title. I bespeaks freshness and addresses life from
a writer’s POV – we are always writing and when the ink is “wet” we
are fresh from the translation of our experience/perceptions to the
written form. We are in the process of birthing ourselves, yet again.
Within the body of the poem, you give us an intensely powerful
view of your journey towards that rebirth.
Hues of green glimmer in the waters eye
Sparkling bubbles rise as the boats go by.
Waves come tossing as we all hold on
Magnitudes of suns rays strike beyond.
The speaker (you) open the work with a stanza that includes an enthralling
image. I so love “the waters eye” as it is in the liquid pool of perception,
the liquid symbol of emotions that we step when entering your poem.
“green glimmer” is lovely, especially to this reader as it is my favorite
color in all of its permutations. The action of the boats in the water
cause bubbles to rise, much as life’s events and interactions cause
our emotional waters to roil. And the waves! As they “coming tossing
by” leave us vulnerable to the effects of life events, crises, upheavals
of all kinds. So disarranged are we by these waves that “we all hold on.”
I especially like this because it applies universally to all of us, at least
certainly to this reader. Sometimes holding on for ‘dear life’ as a
giant wave sweeps me out to sea, and throws me back on the beach
at a later time, to reflect upon what has happened. Then you bring
in the fiery element of the sun, which is often seen in metaphor
as Spirit and often, as a masculine symbol. The enormity of
what happens to us strikes “beyond” our most vivid imaginings.
Trees so majestic stand on mountains high
Birds dance on branches not to deny.
Life’s marvelous chances are all around
Dreams are never to be totally bound.
The trees seem as sentries, guarding the soul of the speaker, observing the messengers
(birds/angels) who continue in life’s dance, regardless of the circumstances – for they
are aware of ‘life’s marvelous chances’ and realize that these chances are “all around”
and that dreams, hopes, aspirations are *never* totally bound, despite the outer
appearances of things.
Many around us will paddle and play
Some in the sun where they choose to lay.
Outer skin tans with sun so fresh
All to find anything warm to the flesh.
Maybe a synonym or other rhyming word or phrase – ‘spend the day’
or other possibility – as ‘lay’ implies set, put down, or places something,
as opposed to ‘lie’ which is to recline or lounge. It’s not a big thing, and
I don’t want to disturb the work in any way (or its writer!).
You show those who suntan as seeking warmth for their flesh, which implies a
coldness or shivering which is felt subjectively. I interpret this as remoteness
from life, from feeling alive and “warm to the flesh” of living life fully.
All seem to laugh in the summer glee
Some ache inside searching for “their” me.
Lost long ago was a little girl
Can she be found in the water’s swirl?
Wonderful concept – those aching inside ---searching for “their” me -- !
Finding the inner core. The warmth of the spirit, the self which has remained
unharmed by life’s outer circumstances, that spark of the divine which we
all carry. You then transition to the ‘lost child’ within, wondering if she
can “be found in the water’s swirl” – and herein is the hope within this
poem. To consider that it may be possible to find ‘your’ Me, your inner
self within the midst of emotional turmoil raises the level of this work
to transformation.
There is a reflection that stares at me
Who is this person desiring to be free?
Lost so young now knowing why
Still searching for answers as time passes by.
The speaker emerges in the midst of unraveling a sequence of events
in which she became lost “so young” but “now knowing why.” My own
heart beats faster with the momentum gained here, with the surety
of her finding her answers “as time passes by.” This is why I love
to read your poetry, Deb. It always leaves me somewhere other
than where I began, as you include your reader in your soul’s
journey to healing.
Suddenly a splash sprays over my words
Wet ink smears making it difficult to read.
Life with known mysteries continues on
As the ink soon dries the pain will be gone.
I love the oxymoron of “known mysteries” as the speaker acknowledges that
it is the very mysterious nature of life, and our awareness of same that makes
it a magical, illuminating process. A more familiar term, such as “unknown
mysteries” would bring this line to the higher level of luminous writing which
it reaches, IMO. “unknown mysteries” is redundant, but “known mysteries”
is exciting and breath-taking. The final line appropriately and powerfully
closes this superb offering with the thought that we are really headed
somewhere, not merely aimlessly passing time. Pain may be re-examined
when the ink is wet again, but will lessen with each writing, drying, and
rereading. The process will not end without the release of pain, and
ultimately, understanding and healing. I should mention your crafting,
which is finely done, as for example “suddenly splash sprays” with its
sibilance, and vivid imagery. The metonymy of “splash” for the startling
event or sudden insight which changes everything.
Outstanding! Brava! A basket of sparkling seashells extended to you.
Peace and joy,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-06-01 21:03:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52632
As you say life's mysteries continue. Glad to see you writing again. Evidently this is a journal
entry. Good for you. Keep it up. Unfortunately as you well know Debbie, some answers will never
be found. Keep working on your stuff...your inner stuff. That helps with the pain. I like the
sparkling bubbles which indicates all good things rise to the top. So take in the majesty of
the mountains and the birds and enjoy life. Isn't that what it's all about? You revealed some
of your inner turmoil here and I commend you for it...that's not easy.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Donna Carter Soles On Date: 2005-06-01 20:51:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Hello Debbie,
I really like the title "Wet Ink" and this brings to mind something that is freshly
written or drawn. From reading this poem, I am also picturing a young girl who never
quite realized her dreams for one reason or another. And then (considering the very
last line), I get the impression of someone who would like for some of this 'wet ink'
to dry and go away. I think our childhood days to be something that we all would like
to learn from in a happy and healthy environment, and should include all of that joyful
play. However, (as sad as it is) we all do not get that.
Your usage of 'green glimmer' sends off a nice image, and makes me think of a sparkle in
someone's eye, especially that of water which seems to play a huge part in this particular
piece. I know that children love to play in water, and perhaps this relates to when you
were a child. Water can also reflect ones own image, and there we have it again. AND you
also made mention of the water 'swirling' which can give off a distorted or confusing
image. This sounds very much like an adult who misses (or somehow missed out on) their
childhood years. It could just simply be the loss of innocence, and knowing this to be a
wild world, and WHY did it all happen?
Debbie, you used some very nice imagery and also that of a nature in this poem. It also
makes the reader remember, but for the sake of getting better, we sometimes need to forget.
Very well put, and please keep on writing, my friend.
Donna
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-06-01 16:17:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Debbie:
Here's a very short look-see....short because my health is not
improving and my printer won't connect this afternoon. "Wet Ink"
is one of your best metaphors and you suggest its use can/will
force us to delve deeper into one's self.
It is intriguing to me that most of your poems examines the past
especially in terms of "fixing" it in order to comprehend where
you went wrong. I think that is one of the most positive purposes
herein but it also means you assume all the fault lies with you
or protagonist or speaker. It takes two to make a RELATIONSHIP
work or not.
"Green glimmer" in water is a beauteous allit and I love the color
green included whether a love poem (yours) or a nature poem. The
water is aglimmer with green. Such a perfect image. I also find
another line so carefully drawing me in: "Some ache inside searching
for their me."
Your ending stanza could not be improved and provides the "aha!" or
epiphany of the poem: "as the ink soon dries, the pain will be gone."
The "wet ink" notion reflects nicely with the title as well.
I don't crit much these days and I rarely get a chance at one of yours.
That's a disappointment for me as I really enjoy your writing, the cathartic
affect it appears to hold for poet, and an ever-increasing growth and insight
palpable in your work. I feel uplifted by your words and look forward to the
next.
Best wishes for you and your original poem,
Mell Morris
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-06-01 07:47:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Debbie,
This takes life and presents it to the reader. There is pain, there is hope, there is warmth to be found in this piece.
I see one sailing within a harbor just on the border of open waters.
I see one reaching the mountain tops where dreams have no boundaries the span is endless.
I see a sense of fanity by others not focused on their lifes direction.
So many have had their dreams dashed yet the question is will the dreams be found once again.
To reflect is truly a gift for it is there we find the answers even if briefly. To seek the answers
is only part of the healing the other is to let go.
Now you complete the picture for this reader for it is only a brief playback of the experience and
life is now back on its journey searching for the warmth of the sun.
This is what I saw yet everyone views words differently. Maybe this is just what I wanted to
see. Nice smooth poem, very well written. I remember the poems written years ago and I do see
healing within this one. For the bright moments can never be taken away nor the dark ones
completely they can only be obscured but for longer periods of time.
Hope all is well with you. Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-01 03:19:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75676
Good morning Poet.......Nice to see your work on my list this morning........good structure, word flow, peaceful images to begin with though once we have seen the beauty of the area you are surrounded in we suddenly feel the anxiety still attached to your heart.........the water which has hit the ink on paper making it smear might also reflect the tears you have shed over the years since that time you were a little girl.......the pain is still intact always ready to surface if and when you allow it......the pain you have not put aside as yet, knowing it is most difficult for you I pray it will someday leave.....I am one who so enjoys the ocean, the water's edge, never been out in a boat larger then daddy's old row boat when I did the rowing, spent many days in the summer sun after mom and dad bought a cottage on a lake......it was in such need of repair but we did it.....I was six when they bought that old place......you have brought back memories my friend, good ones for me for I do not travel the road you travel where the wet ink came into play.......you take good care now, be safe, let your feelings flow and allow them to escape from the prison you are in........God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-05-31 18:15:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a most interesting poem Debbie. I read it, and then I read it backwards. It's just as beautiful reading it in reverse (last stanza first).
I like the way that you have pieced this one together. You begin with what seems refreshing, and then midway the poem you move into something more personal, and by the end, we have it.
We poets, our main reason for writing most times is to figure out who lives inside us. This takes me back to your title, WET INK, and you bring out the reality of wet ink literally and figuratively in the lines.
On a more simplistic level of critiquing, I think that the plural form of words used adds a sparkle to the poem. It actually adds fervor to the fact that this poem is about more than you, its about many different people walking around in different bodies trying to find "their `me'"
That was an awesome phrase.
Thanks for sharing this one. I can't think of one thing to do better. This is more than good. I loved it.
Here you offer an analysis on life, and it's good.
Latorial
www.latorialfaison.com
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