This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2005-05-31 15:23:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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BALLET Wispy butterflies
Flutter by, on tinted wings
Tapestry in dance
Lightly flit with blistful ease
Ballerinas in the breeze |
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Copyright © May 2005 Nancy Ann Hemsworth
Additional Notes:
tanka poem, meter beat 5,7,5,7,7
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2005-06-06 08:01:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Nancy,
What a beautiful tanka coming from a very talented poet! You always amaze me in the way you write, how you can fine the exact words that fit to make a poem perfect, and my friend, I will be needing a new book from you as you have written so many more than from my last book you sent me.
The butterflies, so delicate, fly by and we look with amazement. My five year old granddaughter loves them and won't catch them as she said "Grandma Purple, the butterfly is just that, suppose to fly," The flutter in the breeze catches them as the colors of of each reflect joy and beauty. The way you describe them as a tapestry is beautiful. When I view a butterfly, I always wonder how they fly with such ease, and then again I don't have their awesome wings to carry me. They truly are ballerinas in the gardens of life.
Wonderful tanka and one that brings out the beauty of life.
Thank you for sharing this and as usual, I am so impressed!
With Love, my friend,
Debbie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-03 11:53:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The meter, ease of reading was great. Your imagery painted a picture in my mind which was most pleasant and the use of the term "Ballerinas" showed me a new way to look at butterflies. "Tapestry in dance" gives a unique insight to how you pictured the butterflies although in keeping with the "light airy mood" you are weaving, "Tapestry in dance" is a bit heavier than your other nuiances.
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-06-02 19:53:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53846
Well you certainly captured the essence of the butterfly put into a ballerina's dance. So light
on their pointed shoes , and butterflies lightness enmeshed as one. I don't think there's a need
for the comma though. Thanks for posting.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-06-01 07:51:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy,
What you have given this reader is a moment of pleasure. I can see the dance of the butterflies
you have presented in this piece. Wonderful words my favorites: Wispy, tinted wings, Tapestry, blistful ease, and the rhyme of in the breeze to end it. Outstanding Tanka you have give the reader more than just words. Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-06-01 07:06:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
HI Nancy,
This was pure eye-candy. A ballet of butterflies...does it get more beautiful than this? I don't think so.
You have elasticised the metrical limits of tanka and have used every opportunity to do justice to the natural beauty of the theme.
You have used eloquence to illustrate grandeur and have made this a perfect treat for the unwinding reader. The piece is replete with the delicate touches of soft sounds - wispy, flutter, tinted, tapestry, flirt, ballerinas - doing justice to the fraility and sensitivity of the butterfly while glorifying its beauty- (tinted wings, tapestry in dance, blissful..). The use of ballerinas as a means of describing these creatures is apt. I liked the employment of a rhyme scheme which addeds its share of music to this 'Ballet'- butterflies/by; ease/breeze (good use of slant rhyme).
There is a lot of movement here - flutter, dance, lightly flirt - which not only makes this a very photogenic scene but a moving one at that.
I thoroughly enjoyed this one, Nancy. This was very well crafted with a full dose of imagery, flow, form, movement and of course sheer appreciation for these gorgeous creatures.
Take Care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-05-31 18:41:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75676
I do believe you favor butterflies my friend and for a very special reason, they are so beautiful to watch both in flight and while nesting on the flowers in the gardens..........good tanka poem, meter beat is right on, the visuals presented are so intense ....flutter.....tinted wings.....each a different color for sure though lately there have been some pretty yellow ones in the backyard.......ballerinas in the breeze....what a lovely way to end this one.....again, thank you for posting, you certainly are gifted in all forms of poetry......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-05-31 18:19:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The s and l and b sounds illuminate this poem from without and within. It's nice and cute and such a poem. You bring out the best of your title in each line. It's like a long haiku in which you say perfectly the most important things in each line, while also keeping it brief.
You capture the essence of ballet and beauty in this one. The last two lines are my favorites. I'm a fan of alliteration and assonance and the sounds of this poem roll of the tongue so poetically and wonderfully. It's a poem any reader could eat.
Thanks for sharing. I hope to read more.
Latorial
www.latorialfaison.com
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