This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2005-06-14 10:20:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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After years of sadness I have finally found peace Wondering if depression would ever cease. Thrilled beyond anything experienced before Each day before seemed as if chore. Finding a new med which worked so well Good-bye despair, to it farewell. Suddenly the sign, which told me to quit Came upon me so fast I couldn’t admit. I needed to stop and go back to the past Oh now why with happiness unsurpassed. Tell me the rash is something mild Let me be happy to not be riled. I don’t want to stop no matter what But it can be fatal, don’t let the doors shut. I finally found pleasure with life looking good, Do I take the chance and be understood?

Copyright © June 2005 Debbie Spicer

Additional Notes:
I guess I am asking my TPL friends and family if it is worth being happy no matter what the end results are or if I have finally experienced true happiness and keep taking the medication that had changed my life. Thank you for your advise and comments. Thank you for being my family and I trust in your responses. This is huge to me. A simple, real poem only from my heart...

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-07-07 19:51:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Debbie, I'm hurrying to get this in to you. Just wanted to say; medication has it's bad effects. Might I suggest keep taking the meds to balance out.....then find alternative means. [natural] go see a chinese herbalist. It can change your life permanently/no bad affects. or different/think different/be different. my thinking. Good poem, good job. my best to you Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-07-02 12:35:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88636
Debbie: First, I cannot advise you on something as important as this, your medication. It is a double-sided coin. On the one hand, ideally, no one ‘should’ need medication. If we all could hold one another through our travails and sorrows, through our ups and downs, maybe they would not be necessary. As a therapist, many people I saw with depression got better with medication, many also improved without. I couldn’t prescribe anything, only use conversation and sometimes play or art therapy. It all depends on whether the cause is trauma-based, whether there is genetic predisposition, what supports are available to each individual. There have been situations which I observed in which medication seemed to save the life of someone in deep despair. I don’t know if other means would have worked as well. It is possible that the caring attention of those in the individual’s life might have made the difference alone. I don’t have any definite answers on this question. One thing I used to say to people in my care was this: “If you are feeling better, keep doing what you are doing, keep making the changes you are making. And if you feel worse, that may be part of the process of healing, but let’s stop and look at what is really going on.” So this critique becomes not so much a critique as a friend reaching out to friend with her own observations based on experience. But now I will get to the poem: After years of sadness I have finally found peace Wondering if depression would ever cease. Thrilled beyond anything experienced before Each day before seemed as if chore. Finding peace within has to be one of the greatest of life’s experiences. I love how you have rhymed this poem – your crafting has always been outstanding. Finding a new med which worked so well Good-bye despair, to it farewell. Suddenly the sign, which told me to quit Came upon me so fast I couldn’t admit. As someone pointed out to me recently, I look for signs. But not this type, really. This seems a medical sign, and one not to be ignored. Do we know the difference between a signal from heaven or a sign from our own body? How to tell? I do not know. Asking others is a good start – see thy trusted physician! You probably have looked up side effects on the Net. I needed to stop and go back to the past Oh now why with happiness unsurpassed. Tell me the rash is something mild Let me be happy to not be riled. Maybe it can be something that will replace your current medication, and perhaps this will not be a full-blown revisit to the past, but a re-examination based on your growth to this point. These are all very big ‘maybe’ thoughts. I don’t want to stop no matter what But it can be fatal, don’t let the doors shut. I finally found pleasure with life looking good, Do I take the chance and be understood? If it can be fatal, Debbie, friends will not say to you that you must keep taking it, “take that chance” whatever the cost. Again, see your doctor and find out what can be done and what your alternatives are. ASAP! We are here to support you in your poetry and in your health and healing. Feel free to write to me offsite as I am here. You are very definitely in my prayers and meditations, my friend. With love, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-06-28 19:07:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.97368
Hi Debbie, This deeply personal poem raises a very critical question and involves the reader in a very personal way. Representative of the power of poetry to communicate from the heart's deepest core, 'contentment' elevates the reader to the priviledged status of a friend and has him absorbed into finding the answers you seek - 'Do I take the chance and be understood?'. Aptly titled 'contentment' as it has everything to do with finding happiness and the means to achieve it, this poem is very stark as it brings to the fore the power of medicine in all its glory and its fatalities, contrasting the two in an element of indecisiveness. The two extremes literally wrestle. 'Finding a new med which worked so well, Good-bye despair, to it farewell.' CONTRAST WITH 'I don’t want to stop no matter what, But it can be fatal, don’t let the doors shut.' The poem is also representative of the trauma and hardships endured by the poet in her past and the eagerness with which she is seeking a final happiness with no probability of reversals. 'Thrilled beyond anything experienced before, Each day before seemed as if chore','I needed to stop and go back to the past,Oh now why with happiness unsurpassed'. The emotional fervor in this is high. The rhyme comes to an abrupt halt in the last verse's first two lines. Debbie, in my personal opinion, if the medications is doubtful in terms of its side effetcs or fatality, I wouldn't suggest taking it at any cost. Besides, medically induced happiness might not necessarily be 'heart' induced. Debbie, you have endured so much pain in your life. You are a fighter and a warrior and sorrow has had a bitter struggle against bringing you down. I firmly believe that happiness is yours for the taking eventually and it will be born naturally in your heart and believe me, eventhough it might seem like forever but when you experience it in your heart, it will be an amazing experience. I am just concerned that the medication would harm you in other areas and then the happiness it is giving you will be transformed into the worry that the side-effects might bring about. I hope this helps. Do let me know. Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-24 07:16:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Debbie, Medication can be a wonderful thing and can also be the opposite. My theory is if it works for you why upset the balance? If it doesn't, perhaps there's something else out there that can. I presume you're talking about an anti-depressant, or similar drug, and your reference to looking at the past reminds me that it has been the combination of medication and working in therapy on past childhood/young adulthood issues that has helped me through the darker moments into the light of contentment...if i can even say i have felt it. I have found my writing to be an amazing outlet and one which brings me peace, and it seems that writing holds something similar to you. I hope you are able to decide what you want to do, I know this much, whatever you decide will be what is meant to long as you are keeping your own best interests at the forefront, you can't go wrong. I like this poem, it is simple, and from the heart, yet is complex with the possible interpretations. It flows and rhymes well. Good work here. Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-06-22 15:05:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
Dear Debbie, I just critiqued this poem, hit the wrong key and zapped it out...but it is important that I do it again. I have decided to critique from the "view all poetry" list as I know I am missing some very important poems just like this one. First let me say that I can tell that you have written this one from deep inside your soul. Somtimes you skirt around the edges of your pain as if you are afraid to see the words written lest they allow you to recognize them as being real. You have not done that here...bravo! You have endured an overwhelming trauma for many years and it has taken a toll on your being, so much so that it could have happened yesterday. But now you have experienced the happiness that life has to offer without the daily pain that you has hung over you for so long....and you don't want to go back. I know that some anti-depressants can cause a rash if you are exposed to the sun but I don't know enough about them to understand why that could be fatal. I hope and pray that this is a benign rash and you can continue to take the meds because I know they can work miracles and you deserve a miracle! Say goodby to despair and don't go back to the past...but do embrace life, revel in its wonders, and be have earned it. Very well done...I am showering you with roses! Many hugs....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-14 16:40:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Hi Debbie.....straight from your heart to ours and I hope you know you are loved so very much. It is good to hear that you are finally putting the past pain and sorrow behind, even if it took this medication to assist deserve to be happy and I hope you know mention a did not say for certain if this rash is caused by your new medication did say it could be fatal but not why or what part of your body it would affect......I assume it would be your heart for that is the only organ that keeps us going, like those everready batteries.....not getting off track Debbie I would like to share something about my dad.....loved that man so very much and to this day I miss him so......he had heart problems and one of his pills did , according to dad, nothing for him.........he ranted one night after coming in from seeing his doctor, he said he was never going to take that pill again and threw it in the toilet.....I cannot tell you how this affected me, only in my teens then, and so loving dad......Before I knew it I responded to his outburst and said......if that is the way you feel then stop taking them.......Debbie my dad died two days later, I have regretted saying those words and I somehow feel I helped kill him........he died in l963 and was only 54 years old.......mama just passed away at the age of 92 and she never remarried..........true love......I know this has nothing to do with your situation but sometimes we make a decision hastily and if we don't live to regret it others may.........I would not want to see you go back into your world of sadness my friend and I pray you will be able to hold onto the happiness you have found......but I also would not want to see you die taking this medication with so much of life left to live.........I would seek another opinion, unless you already have, a substitute medication of the same caliber...........and prayers.......I shall hold you as I always have in my prayers knowing the Lord did not bring you here to just let you slip down and fall.......your poem is filled with so much emotion, there is the happiness, the sadness of not knowing if you will return to the past life, I still feel the hope you have within your soul.........take the hope and trust in God my friend and run with it...... God Bless, Claire Looking forward to your sequel in which you give us more........
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-14 14:18:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Debbie, So well put, often that which we find as a God-send is not and how do we ever truly know which end is up. This reminded me of such things as Vioxx or Serevent.......did wonders, but then the question came- were they responsible for causing other more servere health problems. One never knows, it is a personal choice, with all medications like most things in life there is always a down side. Then, philosphicaly one could ask, if an added health problem would have come along anyway.... how do we know. The question of quality over quanity often comes in to play with illness, another decission which is very personal that know one person can make for another. For me, quality is more important, I do not want to be muddle-minded, but niether do I want to be stiffled in my physical ability- the angst is to find a middle ground. If you've found happiness, I applaud you and support you for we seldom have little else. OK, so I got off the critiqueing of your poem. All that I have said are all the things that shot across my mind as I read your poem and darnit I just wish I could reach out and hold your hand or give you a hug, to tell you whatever you decide is alright. Your poem is powerful and envokes many questions and introspection. Very well written. Thank you for trusting us to your inner sanctum. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-06-14 13:28:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Dear Debbie, The happiness you are experiencing is contagious. This type of poem takes courage to post and express. I am happy for you, that you are ahead of the depression, that life is enjoyable again, no matter what the reason be. This poem is very inspiring to those with depression, those who may still think they will never find peace will see the light in your poem and have hope. Very nicely done, stay well, Sincerely, DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2005-06-14 13:15:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Debbie, "After years of sadness I have finally found peace Wondering if depression would ever cease. Thrilled beyond anything experienced before Each day before seemed as if chore." [I am glad that you finally found peace and that medication was the source of your discovery. Depression to me seems to be one of the worst things one could face in life; day in and day out, never finding contentment, always finding new things to fill your mind with despair.] "Finding a new med which worked so well Good-bye despair, to it farewell." [I like your use of 'good-bye' and 'farewell' in this line, as it seems to allow the reader to sense how emphatically you have said farewell to your depression. It give this reader a sense of elation over your victory] "Suddenly the sign, which told me to quit Came upon me so fast I couldn?t admit." [I am sorrowed to hear that your are experiencing side affects from this med. I am sure that you tried to ignore the signs of side affects for as long as you could. Sometimes we are faced with trials in life that just don't seem fair...makes your wonder why your body won't tolerate the meds] "I needed to stop and go back to the past Oh now why with happiness unsurpassed." [perhaps it is possible to go back to the past without the meds and see if you can find strength upon which to drawn on from your most recent happiness that you have experienced. I don't know about depression [only mild bouts which can be overcome with a conscious effort...not the debilatating kind of depression that robs your soul, your spirit, your life]. I am so sorry that you are faced with this decision: your mental state of well being or your physical state of health. "Tell me the rash is something mild Let me be happy to not be riled." [Have the doctors confirmed that the rash is of serious concern? If not, I would not jump to any conclusions just yet. Maybe give it time and see if it developes into something more serious? I don't know what meds you are taking and I don't know the risks involved with taking them, but I am sure that you do. I would procede with caution and follow my doctor's advice. Is there another med that your can try, one that you haven't tried before? I know that you have tried many in the past. I pray that there is one that your body will tolerate.] "I don?t want to stop no matter what But it can be fatal, don?t let the doors shut. I finally found pleasure with life looking good, Do I take the chance and be understood? [no, not at the risk of a fatal reaction. I know that it will be hard to stop the meds for fear that the depression will return. But, perhaps it will not return as there a chance of it happening that way? Debbie, your presence in this world is important and I don't feel that it is worth taking the risk. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that you find something that works for you.] All my best, Beck
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