This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-14 18:01:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Poison Rising

The sun bears witness To all the darkness the poison welled within The rain it falls as tears are shattered by lightening bolts from hell A thundering roar deaf silent screams of rage and anger deep A poison rising from love poured out  into an innocent being This poison feels a thousand daggers coursing through tiny veins It boils inside and scars the mind the youngest burns in pain The poison rising from its pits of hell to seep through skin so soft Through blood and sweat the poison flows but rising up aloft It overwhelms  intense the rage within the anger holds secrets so long hidden from view the poison rises still in pieces come poison’s ravage as fear begins to prey on such a mind  as poison creates and leaves its mark to stay Poison rising to the surface leaks through every pore Drowns out the voices screams and cries of desperate little ones Who hold the story and hold the key to a life of misery

Copyright © June 2005 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-22 16:25:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.48837
Mandie, It just me, re-reading this again. I am not sure of your intent, your words lead one on a journey, one for me that I kept trying not to take, your words ever so discritive. This is well structure and flows well, I apologize for not being able to give you more. The feelings I walked away with will take a bit for me to wash from my heart for I wanted to scream and reil at the injustices of the powers that be, but then I do not make the rules and can only hope that a higher power of authority will adjust all in accordance with that which is sewn. Bless you. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-18 19:23:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92683
Hi Poet... Having read this more then once I am deeply troubled by the fact I feel a child has been molested over and over again, the scars will be carried though life, forever there...poison welled, tears shattered, silent screams, rage and anger, innocent being, daggers, youngest burns in pain, pits of hell, hiddne, ravage, screams and cries of desperate little ones,...strong words which leave a mark on the minds of all who reads them. I am not certain if you speak of personal experiences within this one poet and I pray whoever has been harmed in this way knows the Lord's healing power...... Hurting a child is unthinkable......Well written poem, good structure, word flow, filled with emotions and images created from the flare of your pen and the debth of your soul. Poison Rising is a good title for this one poet..... I found the use of the word poison often did the presentation that you intended it to. Thanks for posting and sharing with us.......I hope this has helped you as I am certain it will touch many.... God Bless, Claire I must say poet I find it sad for a child to have to go through something like this and even sadder when a child reaches out for help from a parent, sister, friend, only to be told to be quiet.....happens all the time, very sad indeed.....just had to add that....
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-06-18 08:30:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Hi Mandie, I have read through this piece several times and each time I get a gut wrenching feeling that a child has been abused and will carry the scars forever...poison welled, tears shattered, silent screams, rage and anger, innocent being, daggers, youngest burns in pain, pits of hell, hiddne, ravage, screams and cries of desperate little ones,...these words are strong and leave an imprint on the minds of all who reads them. I don't know if you are speaking about yourself or perhaps a famous child molester, but either way I am impacted by the words. To hurt or injure a child, in any way, is incomprehensible to me. This is a well written piece and you used a form that is easy to read, moves long quickly, with good flow, and occasionl rhyme that is effective but not forced. Poison rising is an apt title and the word poison is refered to several times in the piece and each time it is more stunning than before. 'Posion rising to the surface leaks through every pore' is an intense statement which builds up to the last stanza...'who hold the story, (and) hold the key, to a life of misery'....very strong ending to a well written poem about a difficult subject. Kudos for this one! Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2005-06-15 11:54:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Poison Rising, The title is most interesting, and that's usually what makes me read a poem on my list, its title. This one is so intriguing because you give us a clue of something bad rising, poison surfacing perhaps in the life or lives of others. It's really ironic that it's posted now, in lieu of the Jackson verdict. YOu may or may not have been writing about that issue, but as I read each line about little ones or young ones being wronged and secrets and the revelation of it, and how it makes one feel, all I could think was "What if Jackson did do it?" And if he did, I can imagine that the words of this poem are what he keeps saying and feeling over and over and over. You have done this is the most piercing way, written about the abuse of a child or children as a poison. You write eloquently of how it becomes a poison within them that perhaps takes over the body and paralyzes it in some ways. The first stanza is breath taking and so well spun with just the right words. Sometimes you can lose a reader after the first stanza, but this stanza just made me want to read on, for I knew that it would get deeper and steeper and more prolific. The sun bears witness To all the darkness the poison welled within This stanza was a strong precursor of what could and what did follow in the rest of the poem. This is talent, not just a poem thrown together. You have taken something so physical and made it metaphysical poet. Great job. You provoked my thoughts and these lines will linger for a long time. Great job. Latorial
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