This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-18 13:18:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Souls Running Free Hands stretch overhead
Reaching for eternity
Embracing light
Taking flight
Of fancy free reality
Super stellar traveling
Racing planet to planet
Catching the stars
Landing on Mars
Wrapped in a black starry blanket
As water down rivers flow
And wind through the trees
Just moments of light
Connecting each night
Souls running free
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Copyright © June 2005 Mandie J Overocker
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-07-07 20:24:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58537
Souls Running Free........most appropriate title for this one poet.........your words rhyme ever so well and they actually sing to you as you read on......you have created the images with each stanza of perhaps how those free souls just run with the winds.......enjoyed it very much and I thank you for posting. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-06-27 16:08:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79167
Hi Mandie,
The first time I read this piece I got an image of a child...a wonderful, curious, imaginative, child, and I smiled and thought of my own children and how I was always amazed at their imaginations. But then I decided that it is just what the title says it is...souls running free. The images are good and somewhat magical, the rhyme scheme is different and flows easily from one line to the other. I think "wrapped in a black starry blanket" may be my favorite line and I find myself wishing I had thought of it! This is a wonderful poem...it has mystery, lovely images, good sound and cadence, and a lightheartedness (now that is a long word!) that compells me to read it again and again. If a poet writes a piece that keeps the reader going back to enjoy it several times then the poet that done their job....and you have!
Blessings....marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2005-06-22 15:21:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
5,7,4,3,8=27
7,7,4,4,8=30
7,5,5,5,4=26
these numbers indicate #of syll. in each line, and total # per stanza. cant remember if you were the one who said they dont care for syll. counts, but with such a nice poem, one so close to a perfect structure, you owe it to your own talent to experiment some. since u have 5 line stanzas, maybe 30 syll (maybe even 6 syll per line) might be fun. there is much beauty,thought, and vivid life inthese lines, help us, the readers, discover your total message.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-21 16:27:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Mandie,
Nice structure and flow. Your poem is like taking a magic carpet ride.... those wee moments in the night when the world lies asleep, when ugliness is cloaked by darkness, even if one is sitting in the middle of it one still can escape; not just to the secret safe haven but to the cosmos. Even as tears flow and our own will pushed aside, stil our spirits, our very souls can run free and escape those things we can not bare to see or even just as a brief interlude to life's daily servings. Your imagery is aptly discriptive, your thoughts lead your reader from one moment to the next.... thank you.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-06-20 07:48:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mandie,
There's much to like about this piece.
Your words evoke unbridled sensation with a dreamlike effect.
I like the repetition of the tile and last line.
The first stanza gives the reader a sense of more than just freedom.
It gives a feeling of unity and oneness of all life reaching
toward our Creator, (embracing the light) not just the sun,
but the Creator of the sun.
The poetics of stanza one are pleasingly euphonic: embracing/taking, light/flight, fancy-free
The 2nd stanza brings this floating free feeling into focus and for this reader is a delight.
I love looking at the stars and to be able to fly around the universe, unfettered would be
especially exciting and fantastical. Again your poetics shine on: "super stellar" --nice alliteration,
and rhyme stars/mars, I love the image "wrapped in a black starry blanket" gives.
Your whispery "W"s in the last stanza continue the dream-like euphoria and the ending pulls all
creation together. I like the way you connect the movement of all creation together...water, wind....
There is one small change I would possibly make. I know river[s] flow, but water
down river flow[s]. That is the only place that caught me up in an otherwise flawless flight.
Thanks for a really nice read.
My Best,
Jennifer
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