This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-22 18:56:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Feed Me

My blood sugar is dropping My stomach is gnawing Please let’s go I need to eat  I don’t care if you’re weary Or whether you’re dreary My belly has had it “Enough!” it protests It’s been several hours I’ve taken a shower How much longer? I can’t wait - I want food To pacify this beast that’s demanding a feast and screaming out loud FOOD NOW!

Copyright © June 2005 Mandie J Overocker

Additional Notes:
Okay, so i was really hungry...and my friend was taking way too long! :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-07-05 19:50:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54167
Dear Mandie, It seems like you've had fun with this piece, and that's a good thing. Low blood sugar, something I live with daily as I am hypoglycemic - seems simple can can create a lot of trouble for someone. I think anyone who has felt hunger, can relate to this. That empty feeling, and waiting is not one of my favorite past times, so the writer here is loosing patience; which tends to happen in moments like these. Then the ending, shouted out in caps.... exactly what you want that you've waited for for hours, food now. All in all this was an enlightening poem - simple and easy to comprehend. Hope the meal you had at the end of this wait, was worth every bite. Sincerely, DeniMari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-25 05:06:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
An enjoyeable read that we can all associate with at is usually my own cry every time I am off on a trip/Sunday drive with hubby who stops to eat when he alone is hungry......hehehe....good structure, word flow, feelings and emotions associated with hunger...........I can hear your stomach growling and roaring to be plenished............good whyme as well.....thanks for posting and sharing and bringing a smile to my face......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-06-24 08:19:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96429
Hi Mandie, Isn't it amazing that as writers we are equipped with one of the most powerful tools in the history of creation? The power to express. Expression elasticises the mind, relaxes the nerves and creates tangible pictures of our imagination and thoughts. The piece on offer is an example of the elasticity of a poet's imagination. No theme seems untouchable. I enjoyed the humor in this one and commend you on the rhyme scheme employed. Co-incidentally rhyme has always been my favored form of poetry and as you might have already noticed, I use it in almost all my poems. When rhyming, it is a priority to ensure that the rhyme is never forced and you have done well in this regard. It carries the poem comfortably and draws it to it's 'hungry' conclusion. "FEED ME" - such is the desire and agony hunger drills into a person when he/she craves for food and to add to the drama in this one, there is a tantalisig delay (in this case, a friend, who is taking his/her own sweet time)-"It’s been several hours, I’ve taken a shower, How much longer? I can’t wait - I want food". Poems ought to be well-packaged in their appeal to vision, other senses such as 'smell' and 'audio', and sense of feel. You have catered to your reader in each of these categories, allowing him to and drawing him into feeling the pangs of hunger - 'My blood sugar is dropping, My stomach is gnawing, I don’t care if you’re weary, Or whether you’re dreary, To pacify this beast,that’s demanding a feast'. There is often nothing worse than an empty stomach that is bursting in its hollowness. “Enough!” it protests, I can’t wait - I want food, and screaming out loud, FOOD NOW!"---- these lines do a great deal to enhance the feeling of impatience tingling down your spine and adds an interesting and humorous audio dimension to the piece. I realise that you use minimum punctuation in your pieces and leave the sentences open. I too prefer it this way as punctuation often imposes a burden on the expression of the piece itself. The title is apt - FEED ME. And if you actually just have the title with the last line you get FEED ME FOOD NOW!! That's interesting. I enjoyed critiquing this piece, Mandie. It was an absorbing one. I am sure you flew out of the house in the direction of the nearest restaurant when your friend was done with his/her delay. Take care, Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-23 15:49:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46809
Oh Mandie, I can relate. Until I read your note I was going to say you either have hypoglycemia or very young children......haha. This is well structured, reads well and even if it didn't, I would have chuckled all the way through it......Now "SOMEBODY" please take her and feed her. Thanks for the delightful break in a busy afternoon. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-06-23 12:43:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84211
Hi Mandie, This lighthearted piece is like a breath of fresh air! We poets do tend to be very serious and to write a fun and humorus poem demonstrates that we do have a lighter side. I know my blood sugar drops when I am just famished so I can relate to your plea for food. Clever and this read! Blessings...Marilyn
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