This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-26 05:52:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Dream the weeping willows
weep for me no more
i have left them behind
far in the depths of mind
around the pond we
walked two souls
connected my family
my friend you became
because we share the name
and the weeping willows
weep for us no more |
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Copyright © June 2005 Mandie J Overocker
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-07-01 12:12:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello again!
This is a more cryptic piece than the one I just read. The "two souls/connected" could well allude to a pair of newlyweds, but it's not obvious. This "friend you became" might also be a family member whose friendship is a recent thing, and much welcomed. But then again, in the dream worlds, everything is possible and pure logic doesn't always operate. I like the fact that you don't specifically identify the nature of the relationship, or even the identities of the parties involved. It leaves more room for speculation.
"Because we share the name" could even be a reference to a spiritual guide, someone who was once part of this family group but who has now moved onward. In dreams, we are said to be able to contact the departed, and meet with them in that odd borderland where time and substance mean nothing. I have also been told that often, our spiritual guides are those who have known and loved us while living.
I note the shift from "weep for me" in L2 to "weep for us" in L11. The other half of the pair is clearly no longer in the mortal realm, and is reachable only in spirit, not flesh. I sense this dream is a turning point, the moment at which grief begins to subside and the speaker is able to start healing.
The willow itself makes an appropriate symbol for this process. With the cessation of tears, the mourning period itself is over.
Another metaphysical piece - different in length and style but no less appealing. Perhaps you are also exploring this unknowable and vast universe that our souls inhabit. If so, I share this sense of wonder!
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-27 06:53:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77966
The Dream....good title and most befitting this one poet......good structure, word flow, images and emotions associated with it all play in together as it shold........Weeping Willow......actually a beautiful tree in its own right, love the easy flow of the two souls walking around the pond together too.........you are allowing the reader to take your words and go with it and perhaps it might just find itself within the confines of their own dream.......Thank you for posting and sharing with us, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-26 23:22:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45614
Mandie,
This is great, flows well, like the rhythmn, the words are just right-not overly discriptive, and your transition between what once was and what is now, is very distinct. Bravo, an uplifted bit of spirit here, and a treasure. Hold the thought and feeling, you are starting to fly.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-06-26 17:12:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58824
Dear Mandie,
This poem is so sad. "Weep for me no more", "I have left them behind", pushed back away, blocked out of the mind for sanities sake, I suspect. Moving on, past hurtful events is a courageous thing to do. To write about it, express it, and let others share the experience is a very open minded thing to do. God Bless you, and send you all the happiness you deserve.
Another good post! It's free verse flows well, and the content although of a deep nature, is easily comprehendable to the reader. The only thing that stumped me here, was the title. I'm sure it ties in significantly for you as the writer - but I sense this written not from a dream, but from a true reality.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
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