This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-26 05:58:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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                               the elated state obtained                                in shich one experiences                                 pleasure and complacence                                 and for a brief moment                                 in time the world and                                  its worrisome troubles                                  appears to disapper                                 the sense of being and                                 accepting one for oneself                                  as an individual and                                   only a human being                                    secure enough to                                   let go sit back and                                 relax in one's approval                                  of themself and allowing                                 one to forget about time                                 past present and future                                a state which lacks worry                                  hatred and self doubt                                   the mood and mode of                                mind carefree like a child                                  in all years of life

Copyright © June 2005 Mandie J Overocker

This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2005-06-27 07:27:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mandie, I have to say I held my breath the entire time I read this poem. What a beautiful, righteous way to describe happiness. To obtain what you have written it in truth the ultimate of loving oneself. Loving oneself seems to be almost impossible as we all have those shadows that seem to want to destroy the love of self. How can we truly love another unless we first learn to avoid, forget, and realize the shadows in our own life are apart of life. To be frank, you have written the exact description of happiness in a beautiful poem. As I read along, I see that one would and could be elated to find true pleasure and complacence and even for that brief moment, you state that all troubles can disapper, be forgotten, hidden and the love come completely open. The fact it is so difficult but the most rewarding moment is the fact that we can forgive ourselves, know we are doing the best we can in these difficult times, and the worries and doubts of ourselves can be gone for that time. I love the way you have written this, as if that moment is your poem, the entirety of life and it's purpose, and one I desire to find for myself. You have expressed happiness to the fullest degree and I have never read anything that speaks what happiness could and is better anywhere. I love this poem and will print it out, keep it close, and realize this is the essence of life. My very best, Debbie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-27 06:41:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77966
Good morning poet......I am sure others will point out some of the typing errors so easy to do....shich should probably which.....disapper....disappear....actually when I see it in black and white I am confused but it is my cardio problems that do this to my brain cells........please forgive me...... Good structure and word flow poet, you certainly do bring out the meaning of happiness in full glory........when one stops and thinks about the last time they were happy do they have to think that hard or is it right there waiting to be touched upon......hard to say for some happiness never comes a problem with what they might expect in life to begin with........... I find such happiness within my heart and soul when I have my grandchildren around, they can brighten even the darkest of days, ease the worse of pain and bring you such memories to fall back on. Enjoyed this read very much and I do thank you for posting and sharing it with us......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-26 23:42:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46552
Mandie, Had to go through and read this a couple of times to really get a feel for what you were saying. I believe in line two you have a typo, shich=which, took me a moment to figure out but then I had little ones under foot so they did distract me. OK, now I have the quiet time I need to further look at this offering. I liked the thoughts you've place here. The structure is good, however, might I suggest the use of some punctuation when there are more than one adverbs (I think that is gramatically correct) together, such as: past present and future = past, present and future.... some of the places where you would pause in the sentence, would help the reader like me a bit. It read well, but I found I was a bit distracted by deciding for myself where there were to be pauses, then of course if that was your intent....just a suggestion. Good piece and and apt discrition of happiness. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-06-26 07:44:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96875
Hi Mandie, I am thrilled to find another on of your creations at the top of my list. Like all of the other works of yours that I have read this poem too, delves deep into one aspect of human existence. This time however, it is not sorrow or depression that sets the theme. It is that higher state of bliss that all of us strive to achieve, that all of us yearn for, that some of us even die for - the most desired state of them all - Happiness. First of all, I must commend you for representing this state of freedom, carefree(ism) and estacy in the way you have metered and structured this poem. The poem spirals into a higher realm like on the wings of a bird through its free flow. And you have chosen the ideal form to do this - free verse - uninhibited and un-punctuated. There isn't a reader who will not be able to identify with this for all of us have felt this emotion at least once in our sorrowful lives and the poem reflects your experience of this as well. Sadly, though it is the good things in life that are rarest of them all and abundance manifests itself in everything we often dislike. You have given happiness a perfect package in this piece and have elucidated its attributes to the tee. Interestingly, complacence has also been defined in dictionaries as a 'total lack of concern' and it is interesting that you have added it as an attribute. Infact, I am glad you did for it is when we are happy that we tend to get carried away and most of us seem to forget our roots and where we came from. More often than not, happiness very easily worms its way into being a seed for selfishness. Another very interesting line that can be analysed indepth. You allude to one of the attributes as a state when worries and trouble appear to disappear. How true. Happiness is often a mirage and eventhough it is a state full of bliss and is more often than not a temporary respite and troubles and worries simply appear to vanish but are very much present. Self-acceptance. This is by far the most imporatant factor that either makes or breaks happiness. 'the sense of being and, accepting one for oneself, as an individual and, only a human being, secure enough to, let go sit back and, relax in one's approval, of themself and allowing..' It is all about harmony of the mind and body, the synchronisation between spirit and soul. You mention the mind of a child and there is not a shred of doubt that children are the happier lot. Again, this ties in with all the negatives that you mention as possible impediments to finding happiness. Children, traditionally, are protected from the feelings of hate, worry, self-doubt (as they are in the first stages of their formative years), unburdened in the care of their parents. I have used the word 'traditionally' because in this day and age even children are objects of extreme cruelty and most have their childhoods taken from them. Coming to technicalities, there is a typo in line 2 where shich should read as which (this is obviously slight of mind and happens with me too), then lines 14 and 15 --- i am not too sure and it would be good if you could double check (i am no great authority on grammar :-) but should it be one's approval of himself or them self and if it were themself it should be themselves as them is i feel it should be one's approval of himself....but do ask around and when you do find out feel free to drop me a line as I could also learn a thing or two. Another good piece of writing that had me absorbed from the start of this review till the very end. Take care, Duane.
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