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This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2005-07-10 06:44:17 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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With Banners Flying

I sat tall and outwardly proud upon my prancing steed But I could see doubt clouding your eyes dulling the sheen of my armor My first instinct was to raise my shield and prepare my lance Mount a glorious charge! Win the day! or die in battle But I am not King Arthur You don’t want him I’m just me And amazingly Miraculously That is who you want I stood tall and outwardly beautiful in my lace and chiffon But I could see distance clouding your eyes Dulling the brilliant colors My first instinct was to send you off like a lowly knave Turn on my heel! Spurning in dignified rage! But I am not Guenevere You don’t want her I am just me And amazingly Miraculously That is who you want

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-08-06 20:33:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I LOVE that surprise dual perspective here! The two sides of the relationship are deftly combined, with the knight and his lady ... inside, perhaps, garbed in armor and regal robes but externally, dressed in jeans and t-shirts like most other modern lovers. Each stanza is a reflection of the corresponding one in the "other half's poem". Kind of like mirror imagery, except that you do use variants; so, for instance, we get: But I could see doubt clouding your eyes dulling the sheen of my armor and But I could see distance clouding your eyes Dulling the brilliant colors The verbs and descriptors are the same but both doubt and distance are bridged through mutual desire, and the dulling of each person's colors is more apparent than real. When fantasy dissolves, reality steps in and can be even better than the dream! This is very creative, Ken. The diction isn't difficult, the structure is also uncluttered, but the double narration really arrests attention. Good work indeed! Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-08-02 18:34:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
I just am not quite sure what this is about. Knowing that you are the Male I got confused about chiffon, and Guenevere because you spoke in first person language. I also know that knights were only Male as well. So what is this? A sex change? I read that you "just want to be me." So... okay...I openly admit that you got me with this title. I don't know whether or not to thank you for the submission you see 'cause you got me dangling! I wonder if others think the way I do~!!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-07-13 16:23:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Kenneth, Isn't love grand? You were her 'King Arthur' and she your 'Guenevere'. Both afraid, you worry about doing the right thing before you marry.... amazingly you both picked each other! And you are pleased and blessed. This poem should be dedicated to your spouse to show your pleasure. The knightly theme worked perfectly. below; I might have said [wanted instead of want.] And amazingly Miraculously That is who you want Very nice pleasant read. Good job, Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2005-07-12 08:44:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Kenneth, You have created a poem about love in a most intersting manner. I like the comparrison of King Arthur [to you]and of Lady Guenevere [to your love]. You create an image of two people so deelply in love that neither desires anyone/anything other than what these two bring to their union. His initial reaction: Mount a glorious charge! Win the day! or die in battle Her intital reaction: My first instinct was to send you off like a lowly knave Turn on my heel! Spurning in dignified rage! set the tone of your poem well...aren't we glad that in matters of love, we overcome our feelings of unworthiness, one for the other, and find true love and purpose in ourselves and what we each bring to the love feast? I am glad that you amazingly, miraculously found your one true love! Very interesting read, and I enjoyed! Keep those banners flying, Beck

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-07-11 13:35:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Kenneth, With Banners Flying {Great title, heralding an announcement or proclamation} I sat tall and outwardly proud upon my prancing steed {a vision of strength, resolve and a hint of nobility, totally in control} But I could see doubt clouding your eyes dulling the sheen of my armor {the object of your view is unsure of your intent, of your nobility and those steals part of your pride, your thunder} My first instinct was to raise my shield and prepare my lance {reactive as in a warrior, emotionally we raise our defense’s so as not to be hurt and prepare to lash out or repel any negative advance} Mount a glorious charge! Win the day! or die in battle {again pride takes hold, our wall up and reserve made} But I am not King Arthur { You don’t want him { I’m just me { these two stanza suggest self awareness { self worth and acceptance of self And amazingly { Miraculously { That is who you want { I stood tall and outwardly beautiful in my lace and chiffon { comfort in ones beauty, self assurance} But I could see distance clouding your eyes Dulling the brilliant colors { always someone wanting to rain on the parade, exceptionally hurtful if it is an intended love, causing self re-evaluation, a sadness} My first instinct was to send you off like a lowly knave {the instinct is of self protection again, to dismiss someone in order to avoid dealing with a painful issue} Turn on my heel! Spurning in dignified rage! {the feminine is to rebuke to assuage wounded feelings, to be indignant would show that the arrow had not hit its mark while it actually had} But I am not Guenevere You don’t want her I am just me {no pretenses here, not trying to be something your not, content in oneself} And amazingly Miraculously That is who you want {This is a wonderful conclusion, you’ve don’t the dance between emotions in all directions and now are liberated to be you, content with you, liking you and it is alright, for that inner person must be pleased first before we can move forward and command respect for our presence such as it is.} In this, while wrote from two perspectives, and excellently done; it is not lost that this could be the many facets of one individual wrestling with all the emotions that are welling up inside...and the questions if one should allow anyone, especially one who might be an object of love. Whatever your decisions are you have a good grip on who you are and what you want, please forgive me if I have over stepped the bounds in this last statement, it is meant with the deepest of sincerity and gratitude for your sharing such emotions with this reader. The structure and flow are delightful and make for an easy read, your underlying statements are just as well structured although not visible to the casual read. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-07-10 17:05:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Interesting word flow my friend......King Arthur you might not be nor is she Lady Guenevere but each of you seek who you are that to me is the most important part of this love affair............you are her knight in shining armour and she is your lady in waiting......how beautiful you have created this my friend, your choice of words have helped feelings, emotions and images to come forth for all to see.....feel and enjoy. Good structure as well......thank you for posting and sharing with us, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-07-10 10:56:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Kenneth Patton, what a lovely write!! Taking the thoughts of two in love and putting them into words that tell a story in themselves about lovers and what they feel in self-doubt of themselves and others. Placing them in a medieval *setting* and in a setting where they are actually in the same time and place, each seeing things in the other that may not be there, yet knowing that even though they are imperfect themselves, they are loved by the other. This was delicious! Your dearth of punctuation except for exclamations threw me somewhat, but I understand that many poems are penned in this way, so I don't know if this a true comment or not, except in my own opinion. Good write!

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