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This Poem was Submitted By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2005-07-31 19:06:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Upon Her Leaving

She is leaving. In many ways she is already gone. I look around for her to gather a few more glances for keep’s sake. But even on those occasions when I see her it is just her clothes adorning someone that resembles her. Once someone knows they are leaving, they look at things differently and somehow they are changed. They are sorting through things trying to decide what has become part of them and what they have merely borrowed. What they can do without and what they will continue to need. And so, she is trying, with utmost concern, to return myself to me.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2005-08-06 09:14:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Rick, snapshot vignette of seperation on multiple levels. The resignation of one party to a partnership is never a pleasant happening, and your plain verbiage paints the picture well. The construct with short lines breaks, forces the reader to ingest the action and respond to the situation. If this is a personal episode, I hope it passes quickly. Having been a participant in a similar situation, I can completely commiserate with the feelings and outlook. The final semblance, noting in the process the "utmost concern" in returning "myself to me." is extremely well put and heart rendering. Kudos on this fine work. Peace, Paul

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-08-05 19:53:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The Hit Parade continues from the master of disengagement. I hope she wraps it in satin. tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-08-05 17:27:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.48148
Rick, I'm upset she's leaving/left! I hate heartache. It seems so much easier to not care. As if we could control it all....... I do know what you mean by the last sad line. How kind! Poo! Once someone knows they are leaving, they look at things differently and somehow they are changed.[yes, they move forward and away] They are sorting through things trying to decide what has become part of them and what they have merely borrowed. What they can do without and what they will continue to need.[evaluation time/great!] I've had so many different people pass through my life. I remember most fondly and carry them with me always. Then as I wish, I conjure them up and voila they are back. There is always a time people must part. A fact of life. But the opportunity to know them/love them is usually worth the price. I hope this proves to be such.... I'm Sorry Rick. Hugs to you..... Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2005-08-03 23:02:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78947
Rick–-I’ve been there, done that and have a divorce decree to prove it. Scribe has limned an effective dramatic narrative rendering what happens to a great number of married couples in America (over 45% w/children; 66% w/o children). I only hope that breakup of this family is fictional. Inference via title paints the fairer sex as the lone culprit. IMO, this Poem of Address presents a literal theme of an ever growing trend in these times. This conversational styled piece has a sardonic, realistic, and redeeming tone. A melancholic read with excellent and apt images depicted. The post clearly recalls for this reader similar circum- stances. Thanks for sharing another well written glimpse of the real world. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-08-02 17:49:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rick...I will e-mail you when my depression eases....Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joyce P. Hale On Date: 2005-08-02 09:10:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53488
Ah, Rick, what insight to a foundering relationship!! Of course, not all those who have decided to leave are as thoughtful as the one in your write; but lucky are those who can look at it in this way. It is unique and introspective write. I enjoyed it very much. One comment on *keep's sake.* I was not sure if this was a typo or a play on the word *keepsake.* Excellent write, though!! Thanks.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-08-02 08:29:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95238
Rick, ... Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Audrey R Donegan On Date: 2005-08-01 22:05:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
hey rick, hope all is well. so much has transpired since our conversations and I would love to fill you in. my email is still the same, write me if you would like. y the way, this piece is bursting with emotion. So many times I have lost myself in someone else and when they were gone, I felt like I was too. Thanks for everything thus far... Audrey

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2005-08-01 13:07:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84848
Hi, Rick Very powerful, dramatic poem - one of your best, and that is saying a lot She is leaving. In many ways she is already gone. This sets us up - right at the beginning for the story that is to come. I look around for her to gather[great verb here] a few more glances [and great assonance/alliteration in gather/glances] for keep’s sake. [wow - interesting form of that word - puts us in touch with the etymology of "keepsake." But even on those occasions when I see her it is just her ["clothing"for the rhythm I think] adorning someone that resembles her. Once someone knows they are leaving, they look at things differently and [-somehow] they are changed. They are sorting through things trying to decide what has become part of them and what they have merely borrowed.[great pathos here] What they can do without and what they will continue to need. And so, she is trying, with utmost concern, to return myself to me. Fascinating - so the beloved is still caring enough to make those gestures of concern on which the relationship was probably mutually built - Lots to think about here best to you always, hugs, Roni

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-08-01 09:11:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85185
Oh my! That is a very revealing peace told in a forthright manner. I have been through what you describe, and I totally understand. She is leaving. People who have made that decision have made it weeks and weeks before the happening. In many ways she is already gone........living a lie? I look around for her to gather a few more glances for keep’s sake................... s/b keep-sake I hear the agony here. Your last line is gut wrenching. Here you are saying that she is right (correct) in leaving you for she has changed you, and has come to the realization that she has. However, the changes could only have been done by yourself. I only have one criticism of the way this was written and that is you jumped between first and third person statements. I would keep it all one way or t'other. It can be done without changing the meaning.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-08-01 02:04:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65789
Poet.....why anyone would want to leave you is beyond me.........this read has brought forth so many memories of my separation and then divorce from my first husband, the feelings you describe, the emotions associated with as they are so right on.............to love someone fully, completely, with all your heart, to share seventeen years (personal time for me) with this man, three children born to the both of you, and then he is gone.......torn is your life, he takes so much with him, memories that cannot be forgotten remain though within the lining of your heart...........Of course I never did find the person I was before he left and perhaps that was a good thing for I had to grow on my own and raise three children alone.......which was done with the help of God... I remember when Steve left the biggest part of me that he took was my heart......and a part of me will always love him..........thanks for the read, I hope you are well and not too torn by this if it is a personal matter between you and your lady.........God Bless, Claire

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