This Poem was Submitted By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-09-19 23:27:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Rumination on Love #1 Our souls are revealed
by the scents we wear -
your Romance on the counter
with my True Love.
And you are
effortlessly, endlessly romantic
like a storybook prince.
And I,
the fairy-tale princess,
effortlessly, endlessly in love.
Truly.
Succeeding in the
here-and-now
but failing when it comes
to scents never written
on perfume bottles -
Everyday Monotony,
Constant Commitment,
Occasional Argument.
I prefer the fairy-tale,
where princes never turn
into toads. |
|
Copyright © September 2005 Jillian K Sorenson
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-10-02 09:48:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jillian, I have a soft spot for “series” and the topic of “love” is undoubtedly my favorite theme. Reading your verse did not dissappoint the romance of those thoughts.
Rumination on Love #1 – “Rumination”, is a far underutilized word. Its scope is so vast that should one want to speak on any subject, it would suffice. To use it with “love”, creates a universe of passion to be absorbed.
Our souls are revealed
by the scents we wear – There is no doubt, it is proven over and over again that scent is the greatest of all memory senses. For the good, but also for the bad. Where love is involved, there is this magnificent recognizance that records and reinforces.
your Romance on the counter
with my True Love. – There was early in my life when I could not walk anywhere without Chanel 19 giving me the Goosebumps. That was such a younger man. Later, and to this day, Jasmine, grants me melodious moments. Counter or not, “true love” is the issue.
And you are
effortlessly, endlessly romantic
like a storybook prince And I,
the fairy-tale princess,
effortlessly, endlessly in love. - . – I have often “ruminated” on such a topic. When love first really struck me, within the aura was the “storybook”. It hadn’t been there from early, uneducated affection, but when it overcame me in an instant, that story had to be told.
Truly.
Succeeding in the
here-and-now
but failing when it comes
to scents never written
on perfume bottles – I smiled at the obtuse realities you brought us to. From the “storybook” to the realities of the day, and what a splendid metaphor – that the “loves” attached to a scent, should have a “warning” or “premonition” label on the bottle about to adorn us. Truly one of the best metaphors I have read in a long time. Bravo!!
Everyday Monotony,
Constant Commitment,
Occasional Argument.
I prefer the fairy-tale,
where princes never turn
into toads. – You leave us with the results of such a love, of living, of relationship... and WAAAA, there is a toad within that sometimes peeks out when the fairy-tale gives up a little of its magic. Rivet!! Rivet!!, and somewhere, somehow, it becomes time for a new site, a new visage, a place where only the scent, and the power, and the prince and princess, can redeem the magic. Yes indeed, love is a many splendored thing, but it can be a royal pain in the arse as well. Excellent piece Jillian, excellent.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-09-28 13:58:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
Jillian,
I particularly enjoyed the well structured easy flowing offering. I could visiualize the counter, the perfumes, smell the scents and see the players. Yes, isn't it a shame that the real scents of life aren't in bottles but then who'd wear them willingly. I also prefer the fairy tale ending but all too often the prince does turn into a toad, *smile* Thanks for a delightful read that leaves something to ponder.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-09-27 21:39:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Dear Jillian,
I really like this piece in it's entirety. The simplicity of it, is what made it stand out for me.
The way you mix the good/bad parts of a relationship is unique;agreeing with your comments. The fairytale part, the uplifting, never can live without part is wonderful. Clever way to make a statement, the negative issues of an attraction are never advertised, are they? That would actually be a great marketing idea. A bottle of mens cologne with a Prince on one side, and the Toad on the other..lol. Of course the womens bottle should have the princess on one side and a maid on the other.
Very good poem, flows evenly and had a touch of humor to set it off.
sincerely,
DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2005-09-22 10:27:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94444
Dear Jillian;
I like the fresh new approach in using the metaphor:
our souls are revealed through the scents we wear.
and then you continue the comaparison from Romance scents
of beginning love..to the scents of constant committment,
everyday monotony and occasional argument. The appropriate
ending in this end of honeymoon tale is the lament
that you prefer the fairy tale where princes never turn into toads.
But we all know reality must rear its ugly
head and snarl a bit before dinner...
so in this sense your work is a cross-section of
different moods(scents) that pepper a relationship
with a realists ending that your partner may indeed
be a toad.
Nevertheless we hope you can still appreciate
the romantic toad and work through these minor
realist flaws.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-09-21 19:41:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jillian:
What a delight to see a submission of yours after a long absence. You were
one of the very first poets I met when I joined five years ago and I recall
the welcome you gave me. I’m glad I’m still here to welcome you back.
Starting with the title and your name, reading and enjoying this poem
was a certain bet for me. The word ‘rumination’ conjures spending time
with thoughts, feelings, words shared generously. And that you title
it #1 builds anticipation for the ones to follow. Are we ever done
talking, speculating, or ruminating about romantic love? I think you
make a very good case for an answer of “No!”
I couldn’t help but smile at the pun within “scents we wear” – as ‘sense we wear’
whether intended or not. The titles of the fragrances are ironic, and actual. As
someone who appreciates both fragrance and irony, I enjoyed the pairing of
these on the counter.
And you are
effortlessly, endlessly romantic
like a storybook prince.
Such is the ideal of romantic love in the first stages of relationship. The keyword,
as you have it here, is “endlessly.” Those long-married will smile. Some will
smile more at “effortlessly” because of the untiring work that any long-term
relationship requires, the constant adjustments, the shifting, the realignments
with commitment. I think that most of us grew up with the ideal of the “storybook
prince” which is still being touted, for example, with Barbie and one of her series
of endless consorts – maybe Prince Stephan. What little girl is not going to be on
the lookout for this noble prince when she grows older?
We as women are also taught to envision ourselves as someone desirable
by princely standards from an early age. The keyword in the above lines
for me is “fairy-tale” – can anyone live up to the unreal?
Everyday Monotony,
Constant Commitment,
Occasional Argument.
I prefer the fairy-tale,
where princes never turn
into toads.
I love the names of scents you have chosen to replace the fairy-tale ones!
The final word, “toads” strikes me as comical. But not a bad compromise.
I happen to really enjoy the company of frogs and toads. They are not
argumentative, do not have to have the last word, are not bossy, do
not have unreal expectations and nor expect maintenance and upkeep.
They are never short-tempered and they are good listeners until they
decide to hop away and find their ‘hoppy’ place by the pond. In short,
I really love this poem. I can think of other fragrance names, now that
you’ve got me started. Great stuff. I am looking forward to the next
installation.
My very best to you,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-09-21 11:21:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Hi Jillian,
I liked the way this covered the contrasts between our fantasies and realities......a treat for the romantic at heart. You end the piece with the unveiling of our most feared nightmares - that of our lovers turning into 'toads' --- you allude to this disappointment from the point of view of a woman but this could very well be true for men as well --- i've had first jand experience with a 'toad' princess. I don't recall reading many (or any) of your poems in the past but this was excellent...concise, well-executed, wonderful!!
Your title was interesting and it tells me that there are more ruminations to come.
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-09-20 18:19:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Jillian,
Eau De Joy! Loved your idea. Perfume and Romantic love hand in hand.
That's really being infatuated..and it can last forever.
When you still cook/clean/etc. for him after seeing he is a toad.......
that is love. And that acceptance is pretty darn romantic.
The monotony, willing commitment, arguments are really your bag, not his.
The fairy tale is your toads no toad.
Loved the idea marriage can grow stale, but I contend it needn't.
Good job....fun poem.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-09-20 17:08:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35714
Oh how funny, and partially true. Well written 'cause you headed me into an ending I didn't see
coming. I too prefer fairy tale endings. I don't think I've turned into a toad yet as I can't find any warts! I wonder what your love #2 will be. You must keep us aprised. P.S.: stay in the here and now.
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