This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-10-05 15:31:30 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Precedence Up the crawl space of existence
creeping into the realm of idealism.
Colored by the centuries of old
distorted by the deeds of man
and ignorantly indoctrinated
into the principles of society
by the parents to their offspring:
Youth think they have the freedom of choice.
Their inclinations, careers, and exploits
are already dictated by the Gods of history.
Youth's worldwide view is imbued
with TV’s tyrannizing profiteering with
desirables to buy, buy, buy, a piece
of the pie pie pie and you'll be hap hap happy.
Papers of news say the same, inane.
The rules of style's the smile of fashion
and music sings devotion to emotion.
We're typically twins to every other Homo sapiens.
Time partners with the past and errors last.
Repetition is habitual and to liberate
would be to formulate new patterns for the day.
The clarity crystal's in the ball I see…….shows
certainly, possibly, unlikely, maybe!
[You choose the ending]
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Copyright © October 2005 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-11-07 16:46:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena:
Ah, home at last! I need to hurry to get these comments to you before midnight.
<smile> You start out with such a deeply philosophical premise that I am
stopped right in my tracks! I want to go line by line, as there are so many
gems in this one. On the other hand, I want to respond to its impact, for
this is so powerfully stated. When I think of my child or her child, it strikes
me with an even greater impact. What have I as a mother taught my child,
and what does she teach hers? What is being indirectly or directly taught by
me? In this great accounting of things, you show us very real effects on
our free will by exploitation and our tendency to be hypnotized by what is
seen as ‘style’ or simple repetition.
These lines are especially effective with your repetition, slogan-like,
of ‘pie pie pie’ and ‘hap hap happy.’
“Youth's worldwide view is imbued
with TV’s tyrannizing profiteering with
desirables to buy, buy, buy, a piece
of the pie pie pie and you'll be hap hap happy.”
Papers of news say the same, inane. – Great line, so very true! I don’t watch TV
news, but listen to the BBC on the radio, nor do I read the newspaper. This
results in some lack of awareness on my part, but being bombarded is, to some
extent, avoidable in a certain sense. Parents who are my daughters friends are
raising their child without TV and movies. This seems stern, in one sense, but
their son is protected, at least for now, from some influences. He attends a
school whose philosophy includes these values - Waldorf. But will his
freewill be compromised when he gets out into ‘the world’ to the same
extent as his peers? It remains to be seen.
“The rules of style's the smile of fashion
and music sings devotion to emotion.” – terrific writing, D!
We're typically twins to every other Homo sapiens.
Time partners with the past and errors last. –this rap-like rhythm has a great punch
Repetition is habitual and to liberate
would be to formulate new patterns for the day.
The clarity (of?) crystal's in the ball I see…….shows
certainly, possibly, unlikely, maybe!
[You choose the ending]
You make the incredibly effective point by ending the poem with a ‘choice’
--by leading the reader to think, and consider the idea, “Do we really have
choice?” I want “YES” and I want to make that possible for my descendents
if I can. Excellent writing!!
Brava!
My best always,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-11-03 20:41:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena:
This is a satiric treat. I witness youthful consumerism in action every time I teach a class of teens. The first stanza shows us how we manage to instil in our young the unstoppable desire to "do the right thing" according to their predecessors, said right thing usually involving the accumulation of possessions and the acquisition of a reputation. As has been famously stated by some anonymous wit, "He who dies with the most toys wins". Love "the crawl space of existence" -- an attic in which precedents are stored. In the end, the young rebel turns out to be pretty much like his parents. He'll have as many toys as they did, and abandon as many principles.
The first stanza is also more tightly-structured and intense in tone than the second one. The style is more didactic and reflective as befits a quick history lesson. But in S2, the modern update, your sense of playfulness gets free rein. There's a lot of internal rhyme, and playing with sound. Plenty of tongue-in-cheek humor that still delivers its barbs - more fun to read, yet not at all trivial.
... desirables to buy, buy, buy, a piece
of the pie pie pie and you'll be hap hap happy.
Papers of news say the same, inane.
The rules of style's the smile of fashion
and music sings devotion to emotion.
I like the whole poem but this passage is probably my favorite part. Yes, this is what kids believe, and do. Liberation from habit? Nah, not a chance! Yet ... you end in ambiguity. Who knows whether this will be the generation that actually breaks its parental mold, or merely another clone marching lockstep into the future? We really can't say, not yet. Each of us has his or her own thoughts on the possibilites; hence, we get to choose for ourselves what the conclusion should be.
Witty, with a bite: my kind of poem!
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-10-24 15:07:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena,
Well...I think you have told it like it is...as awful as it is to hear...we are all guilty. When I grew up (back in the dark ages) things were so simple compared to the youth of today. They have too much, want too much, and think they need everything life has to offer right now...and of course don't understand why they should have to work for it. You are right the media is partly to blame for this and peer pressure certainly plays a part in the scheme of things. We have raised a generation of hoodlums and now what do we do about it? I am glad my children are raised and thank heavens they all turned out very well...but I am glad we raised them when we did as I think it gets harder with every generation. Your ending...'you choose the ending' is perfect and I had to smile when I read it. For which one of us knows how all of this will end?
Well done...I enjoyed it immensely!
Blessings...Marilyn
p.s. you are a very wise person!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-10-11 17:32:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, I was drawn to this piece because of the ¡§inclinations¡¨. There is precious little that can minimize such, and in ¡§Precedence¡¨ the anvil and the hammer create via ¡§en-forgement¡¨. I wrote you my thoughts, and having read this several times, I understand that the ¡§promotion¡¨ of this piece is written to evoke, precisely the maintenance of mind that it has in mine. I usually don¡¦t even write to something that I considered ¡§flawed¡¨, but you held the line, and made the point, and the point pointed to us all.
Up the crawl space of existence
creeping into the realm of idealism. ¡V I didn¡¦t know if this was simply metaphoric for the ¡§entertainment¡¨ of such, or if this was also specific to what is ¡§going on in the head¡¨ ¡§aka: ¡§crawl space¡¨, but it is an intuitive beginning.
Colored by the centuries of old
distorted by the deeds of man ¡V not specific enough for agreement or not
and ignorantly indoctrinated ¡V not specific enough for agreement or not
into the principles of society
by the parents to their offspring: - Now, being a member of the old, and a purveyor of the new, I think this is a bit heavy handed, for to put the perversions of this present day, that of horrible horror show mentality/care for nobody immorality/worship of violence and sexuality, filthy mouths and music, and a complete disdain for whatever effort it takes to preserve humanity, I find it difficult to view this as an accurate comparison of what was and what is, particularly since I am a parent teaching my children the ¡§principles of society¡¨. I do however, understand the premise.
Youth think they have the freedom of choice.
Their inclinations, careers, and exploits
are already dictated by the Gods of history. ¡V ¡§gods¡¨ of history, and there is hope in those ¡§gods¡¨ for the fall of Babel, yielded great creativity, the ¡§gods¡¨ of Sodom yielded faith, the ¡§gods¡¨ of Greece and Rome, yielded democratic purpose, and, if one is to look closely, from the ashes of each deprivation, there arrived a new purpose and contribution. Such is the manner of humanity. I wonder if the ¡§gods¡¨ of history actually granted wisdom to preserve mankind, beyond and because of the improprieties of mankind.
Youth's worldwide view is imbued
with TV¡¦s tyrannizing profiteering with
desirables to buy, buy, buy, a piece
of the pie pie pie and you'll be hap hap happy. ¡V You without doubt have this correct, but also throw in the ¡§game¡¨ society, of filth and violence, the me first and last sentimentality, and I often wonder where the influence for all of this has been fostered. I do not think we might have differing views on the sources¡K. ƒº
Papers of news say the same, inane.
The rules of style's the smile of fashion
and music sings devotion to emotion. - Great line, and better still the pointed nature of ¡§as long as it matters to me¡¨.
We're typically twins to every other Homo sapiens.
Time partners with the past and errors last.
Repetition is habitual and to liberate
would be to formulate new patterns for the day. ¡V Ah, now we are to the cycle, that of truth and consequence, of ¡§repetition¡¨, of ¡§habitual¡¨, of ¡§homo sapiens¡¨ ¡V the resonance of society within the guise of civility!!
The clarity crystal's in the ball I see¡K¡K.shows
certainly, possibly, unlikely, maybe! ¡V and in a nutshell you sew up the seam and the sweater has ¡§three arms¡¨¡KLOL.. certainly an intrusive and interesting perspective on things!!
the ending, I¡¦ll leave it to your crystal ball, the proprieties and improprieties of society, and mostly, hope that the next incarnation of ¡§homo sapiens¡¨ have three arms!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-10-08 23:11:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
Ah, do we dare break the chains that bind us to society, dare to speak out, dare to be something other than clones of our parantage. You have encapulated the premiss of propaganda and we who think we live in a free country in our arrogance believe we are not propagandized. The plight of man, seen through the eyes of historians, literary giants and artists seems to redunatly repeat. They say we are at the top of the chain, hard to believe isn't it? Us, we are superfilous superiorty fall prey to the simplistic propaganda that subtly invades our lives each day, we turn blind eye so that we do not see the product spawned from it and the cycle continues on....I choose to hope that if one person can see this then just maybe things can be changed, maybe then there is more than one. Excellent discription of today's life.
As always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-10-08 13:47:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
My ending would be...let's bomb the shit out of this freaking place and start over!Harsh? You bet
'cause there ain't no going back m'dear (unfortunately). Some people thought smoking pot was
bad but let me tell you, meth is dangerous. There are too many idiots out there and they control an
awful lot of us behind the scenes. There are no answers except "Get on with it." That's my ending anyway.
Take it or leave it. Pink Floyd had a song out (wish I could remember it) that went something
like...
"the idiots are on the grass..." Okay, anyone remember that?
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