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This Poem was Submitted By: laura j dean On Date: 2005-11-02 08:25:58 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Can I Borrow Your Legs?

Can I borrow your legs for one day? I no longer have any to claim My own have deserted me leaving only the mirage of their promise to support my worth Can I use your legs for one day? I will give you anything you need All of my worldly possessions are offered to you forever if I can use your legs for one day May I try on your legs for an hour? Oh, to experience what you feel when they glide freely running or fill your heart dancing or showing the world your walk May I feel your legs for an hour? To enjoy them working for me without stiffness and painful frustrations would allow the rest of my body rest I know how important they are and promise to take care of them The reality of wishful thinking has not abandoned my senses Yet to dream of independency helps me get through each day As my eyes close I again ask Please Can I borrow your legs?

Additional Notes:
I have parkinsons disease

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2005-11-27 23:16:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Hi Laura, This poem is interesting, because it points out to all, what is so commonly taken for granted. You tell the reader you don't have the use of your legs, completely without bitterness, and it is nostalgic to the extreme. Yet, humor and light-heartedness sail through the stanzas, bittersweet almost. I would trim a little, the second stanza seems too extravagant, and poetically adds little to the poem. Also, I would punctuate, just a little more then you have. Also, in the last stanza, "the reality of wishful thinking has not abandoned my senses" and "yet to dream of independency" doesn't quite work...it might be "reality has not abandoned my senses, yet wishful thinking IS to dream of independency". Or change "reality" to "dream"; or some less tethered word then "reality". You might even change the ending to a prayer -"please, Can my legs remember what they knew." This poem gives the reader a insight into what thoughts might accompany the handicapped. A little fixing-up and I think it would be a fine addition to one of the magazines devoted to health and healing. Terry

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-11-24 22:47:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Laura, A very heartfelt and emotional piece that does have the intended impact on the reader. This is infact, symbolic of all those who are impaired in some form or the other...yes, even emotionally. it does become cumbersome when one looks around and finds that they are isolated in a world of obstacles while most people have entire playgrounds and seas at their disposal. You bring out that feeling very well. I would like you to replace one 'rest' in this line: 'would allow the rest of my body rest'. it's best not to repeat a word in the same sentence even if it's meaning is different. Also, you might want to exclude verse 4 as the previous and successive verses do well to make your point. Keep writing. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-11-19 14:45:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Laura, First let me say that I am sad that you are devastated by this disease. My husband had neuropathy in his legs and hands due to diabetes and I often cried to see him in so much pain. Even though your heart is heavy and legs don't work very well you still possess the ability as a poet and writer to grab the readers attention and hold it there to the very last word. A gift not always given to all writers. Your words are full of emotion and you don't ask for much...just one day of being able to do the things you used to be able to do...just one day...that would be plenty. And then you ask for healthy legs for just an hour and this is what is so gut wrenching to me. It would be nice if they had loan closets for body parts like they do for equipment like wheel-chairs and walkers. I am sure that all who read this plea would be more than happy to lend their legs to you just so you could glide on your own for just one day or one hour. Well written piece full of emotion but absent of self pity. Bravo!! Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-11-10 02:32:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Dear Laura Here: take my legs. I must advise you to be on guard, though, of the memories they contain. Memories of traps walked into, memories of forbidden places where no-one should ever have set foot. Their memory does have its uses, though. They can carry back to me the memory, now imprinted on them by close association, of how precious they would be to a poet I recently met... ... even for one day. Warm regards, Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-11-09 06:27:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
If I could stitch you a pair of new legs poet I would..........I feel your desire to be able to once again walk, dance, run, feel and most of all be free.........I have neuropathy in both legs and have loss the ability to climb stairs, walking a distance of ten feet sometimes wipes me out but I have to keep pushing.....your structure is good, your words allow for the images to be created in the readers mind thus bringing to life your request.........thank you for posting and sharing with us and please never give up your fight...........I can only assume your faith has sustained you to this point in your life as I know mine has and I would like to share with you that more then once I felt the breath of God as I laid dying and He held me in His loving arms.........there is no feeling to compare to that my friend...... I will pray for you knowing you are in good hands. God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-11-04 11:05:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Oh Laura I really empathise with you. Being a (retired)nurse I at one time took care of many Parkinson patients. It is really debillitating to say the least and you have brought forth some great feelings about not being able to use your legs...but at least you still have your brains and thought processes. I liked the way you brought this from one day to one hour. If I could I would certainly let you borrow mine. Doesn''t Stephen Hawkings have the same disease? He is one of the great persons of our time with a disability. There was a Canadian about ten years ago that made a round the world tour in a wheel chair. He called it "The Man in Motion" tour and raised millions for spinal cord research. Shoot, can't remember his name. He''s a para. Thanks for posting this.

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