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This Poem was Submitted By: Marsha Steed On Date: 2005-11-03 12:52:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Emotional Vampire

Suave is his middle name, Allure, his velvet cloak. Whispers to the core of me is what he quietly spoke. Subtle teeth disguised by kisses, fell upon thirsty lips of unfulfillment and then drinks instead of sips. Arms are not long enough to push firmly away, the siren of purple prose and the connection he'll betray. His voice liquidity caresses while his hunger takes away the delicate morsels of once-guarded heartaches. Slowly he chews, painstakingly he feasts, hardly a notice takes the victim of his beasts. One day she'll awaken from the hope-numbed state of bliss to abandonment and empty arms, shuddering, he'll devastate with a kiss. Guard let down sweet allure, brittle, brown, new blood sought in the abundant field abound. Passion and pain; fear and trust; Laughter, even love in turn each thrust, Into his awaiting coiffeur lain with linen, upon table offered, spread for the impassioned glutton. Morsels of hope dipped in the gravy of sense. Coated with succulent spice of feeling precious, intense. When his satisfied meal is through the plate holds no more allures, the emotional vampire moves on to the next feast, will it be yours? You'll hear his soft sweet murmurs you'll hunger for his touch. Guard your heart I warn you nothing survives his lust.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-12-06 11:15:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20455
Marsha, Wheewww. What a ride! Glad I'm a guy. I tend to read looking for lines, phrases or stanzas that grab me: in this one, "Allure, his velvet cloak." Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-11-29 16:20:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78788
Hi Marsha, This is a stunning poem and it would be my guess that many of us have met this emotional vampire..he either feasted on our emotions and our heart strings or we watched him do it to someone else. Your word choices and images are striking throughout and are chilling. Once I started to read it (and I am not a fan of the long poems) I was compelled to keep going and was also hoping this lustful greedy man would get it in the end. But that would have been a dull climax which would have spoiled the entire tale. Very well written poem and I throughly enjoyed it from beginning to end. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-11-24 22:40:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Marsha, This reads like a poem song...and the setting is a hauntingly eerie night of mystery and charm as the vampire flies in with his thirst for blood. You've done a fine job at giving your reader a sense of what vampires are all about...their lust driven, blood thirsty hearts...a passion for the dramatic and their innocent victims. Morsels of hope dipped in the gravy of sense. Coated with succulent spice of feeling precious, intense. This verse was most magnetic in its poetic craftsmanship, imagery and innovation. Very well-written. As a suggestion, it would be good if you could give us a backdrop...I know its obvious that the time is night and we get clues from 'One day she'll awaken....' but let your reader get your sense of the surroundings...the moon, the wind, etc. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-11-15 18:58:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Marsha, Met him, he was as you say. He's a predator hunting for a sweet naive woman. His black book's full of yet to be and past ladies. With no remorse for the emotional havoc. But mostly you learned a vauable lesson. The price most likely too high. What's interesting is that your 'ability to love' expanded and that encompasses everyhing. So you love 'more'. Your poem brings all that emotion up again. Nothing disappears into, [it never happened] it leaves it's imprint behind. I like his sucking/feasting on you as a vampire would. Great job showing your emotion in this poem. Hope never to meet him, unless I had a stake and mallet. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-11-08 15:53:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marsha, I found your title intriguing, for truly there are such beings. This was an easy enough read however a bit long. I found the rhyme is good, helps with the flow, doesn’t feel forced but as if it came natural while you penned this. However, while I liked in the first part you made it personal/familiar as if from a personal experience: Whispers to the core of me is what he quietly spoke. I found it a bit disconcerting that you shifted to third party in: One day she'll awaken from the hope-numbed state of bliss to abandonment and empty arms, shuddering, he'll devastate with a kiss which for me is incongruous since the mode set was that it was a first person accounting….then with your last two stanzas you switch to narrative: When his satisfied meal is through the plate holds no more allures, the emotional vampire moves on to the next feast, will it be yours? You'll hear his soft sweet murmurs you'll hunger for his touch. Guard your heart I warn you nothing survives his lust. OK, maybe these are small points but for me it is a bit out of synchronization, IMHO. I don’t know enough about the mechanics of poetry to be able to tell you if this is part of a form of writing , etc. I did enjoy your poem and you have aptly described many of the players in this world albeit I do IMHO think that you were repetitive with your description of his vampire tendencies. The visions you conjure up with your verbiage are quite graphic and reflect the images of many a lounge lizard here where I am. In all though I would ask, are his prey victims because of his suave allure or because they choose to close their eyes to the truth of the man. As Always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2005-11-08 07:45:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marsha, I would shorten this. There are too many verses on just one point and that creates the feeling for the reader of an harangue. The lines are well turned and the ryhme is not contrived. I especially liked, "allures" with "yours". Use of inversion is a curious thing, however, and that can make ryhme look contrived when it is done too selectively. It is sad that the poem hasn't the bite (pardon the pun) to it today that it would have in Victorian times when seduction was supposed to carry more than transience; and when bars were not posting stations for one's next affair. I would, with these considerations in mind, have fastened on the psychic vampirism of the family member that works on their prey vastly more to a degree of harm than those seeking to accomodate lust. This is the realm where true evil lurks, not here, where we are scarcely able to appreciate the frightful context of a "vampire" that really isn't. Marsha, I don't want you to feel like I am picking on you...actually I like you. Yours was just the first poem designated on my list. I am going to be honest and offer something to the people here other than approbation. Maybe that will help stop the endemic drooling others offer just to keep a place in a line going nowhere. In short, you have talent and, by now, would be a better poet were the others not doing disservice to you. There has to be something terribly wrong with a system that somehow promotes a mediocrity like Lora Silvey to have more authority over deciding on poems than you or a dozen others I can name... a system where critiques are written for position (evidently) and not truth. JCH

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