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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-11-09 17:29:22 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Somewhere

Somewhere between ruin and rapture lies my pain I have no rock of refuge Even as lust for life throbs inside My soul insidious seeds of agony are lurking Somewhere between ruin and rapture

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-12-04 08:47:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63333
Hi Marilyn, You've brought a vital aspect of life to the fore - stagnation, hopelessness and that desire to fly away which is often impossible. The dark side of depression is a prison and the tiny barred window to the spread of sky is a teaser....a hope stabber...a bully. These are the thoughts I get from this dark piece of writing. There isn't much hope to be seen here. The insidious seeds of agony have clogged the soul. There is a thirst..either to ruin or rapture....the in-betweens of life are almost always a lot more painful. I'm no newbie to dark poetry and I appreciate this piece very much. I honestly find no room for improvement as it stands as it is. Your title gives us a strong sense of loss and disorientation. Well written!! Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-11-26 01:00:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, Please forgive me for having not seen this gem sooner. These eyes or this mind must be somewhere else for this is truly an offering not to be overlooked. Your poem has a definite difference in it's feel, somewhat melancholy yet content in it's own knowledge and truths, almost an acceptance. I especially like the opening and closing being the same, sort of brought full circle. Your verbiage is exquisite and paints quite haunting pictures in this readers eyes. I can't quite put my finger on it, it has that certain something, this one will stay with me for a long time...kudos, par excellance! Warmest always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-11-24 22:40:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Hi Marilyn. You don't need the last line in this short poem. and I would change "are lurking" to "lurk" If you want to use the last line, pare it down: "There between ruin and rapture." Hope you're well. Keep your chin up. tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-11-23 19:07:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Marilyn, I empathize with you. This is what I hear from the poem: I think this is called a double edged sword. The only answer I know is to be happy with yourself. There is always the day comming that we'll all be alone. That means we have to 'love' ourselves unconditionaly, be able to entertain ourselves, stand up for ourselves,support ourselvbes [financially-spiritually-physically] Everything in life brings one to this point. Nobody wants complete self suffiency. We are choice-less. What reward is the knowledge you can stand alone, and you can stand up and be counted. You will survive, it just isn't a cake walk! Hope my words are of help. You will be all right. Hugs across the miles, dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-11-11 05:43:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Marilyn, I do like the ambiguity of a piece like this. I guess because when you wrote it you didn’t give in to ambivalence, but took a stand. I have often had this discussion, maybe at times more passionate than others, but I am not unfamiliar with it. (In fact, critiquing on this site this month seems full of ambiguities and partials). Somewhere – Not much here, and that makes the poem more alive. One can presume of place or position, but one cannot assume the nature. Good title. Ambiguous. Somewhere between ruin and rapture lies my pain – I didn’t separate these two lines. I think having characterized “ruin and rapture”, I looked for at least a reference to rapture within this verse- to keep alive the ambiguity. I don’t know if I found it. I have no rock of refuge – “no rock” to provide refuge. Foundations are vital for construction, and for support systems. Refuge provides the possibility of rest, and another go at it. These are such sad lines. Even as lust for life throbs inside – This is the redemption in the verse, of “lust” and “life” yet there is that which hinders and causes the knocking from inside. No release for the muted, and the muted is screaming. Even here, there is such sadness, and I so wished to find redemption. My soul insidious seeds of agony are lurking Somewhere between ruin and rapture – Marilyn, the vision you have created is quite powerful. It is of loss and redemption, however you have sealed the redemption into a vial, and allowed the reader no redress for the need. This matches the feelings you have spoken of. For me, I would have soared at just a glimmer of redemption. If I have not that, I am lost in the throbbing within. Powerful verse. I hope there is an avenue left, for joy.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-11-09 18:40:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mazza I can relate to that. Bless you for refraining from self-pity. Let me know if you find the happy medium "between ruin and rapture". I'll take a dozen. Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2005-11-09 18:39:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Marilyn I like this piece! seems to be written on quite a few differnt levels, forgive me if i get it totally wrong(there be no suprise if i did!) reference to you're departed husband is powerful "rock of refuge" the poem is worthy just for that line! as we both know through the pain of seperatin, life is still beating in our breast, (also the pain of toothache drives you to distraction) insidious seeds of agony...? loneliness, pain, death, tooth? not sure which way to read it? all seem to fit. somewhere between ruin and rapture...? i know that when i'm in pain either physical or spiritual i swing for high to low so much so i dont know which way is up. thisline describes that well. using it twice gives it a very strong feel sorry its not a constructive critique ie try this do that, i like it as it is! take "acre" be happy steve

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-11-09 18:33:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn: The way you have structured this poem immediately captures my attention, for the esthetics of its form meet its tone superbly well. The beginning and ending lines give boundaries for the intermediate lines, forming a definite container for “somewhere between.” We are suspended within this form with a sense of suffering in the present moment’s enclosure. Your write of your own pain, but readers will identify with this poem because of its authenticity. It strikes a very universal note. Somewhere between ruin and rapture lies my pain I have no rock of refuge You identify the pain as a place, or as a measurement on the scale of experience. In my mind this makes it more bearable, when considered this way, as part of a continuum, and not a permanent state. Your use of language is economical and intense. “I have no rock of refuge” bespeaks such complete vulnerability to the present circumstance. Even as lust for life throbs inside My soul Very effective use of enjambment here! I’m thinking of a quotation now by Martin Luther about the multitude of possible agonies stored up in the body. You show us your experience of this awareness, our existence in the body which contains “insidious seeds of agony” as a truly human state. Insofar as I am aware, only the human species is aware of the potential for greater or future suffering. Your use of sibilance, and especially the sounds of ‘u’ as in “ruin/refuge/lust/insidious/lurking” suggests a kind of container as well as the shape of the letter itself. And the two ‘u’ sounds – both short and deep vowels - at least to me, imply a moan. This poem has a psalm-like quality and is very poignantly written. I only wish that the inspiration for it would become a thing of the past for you, that your suffering will speedily end. It is beautiful and demonstrates great endurance on your part. How we are tried and tested in life at times! You are in my prayers and heart. My best always, Joanne

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