This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-11-11 18:35:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Daylily In the wee bursting hours
of the morning sun
in my cottage garden bed,
privately, typically away
from my line of sight,
the daylily blooms.
Hot hued colored bold,
flashing its brightness,
displaying a golden-throated
center with stamens and
pistils erect, poised
to validate existence.
Wading through the depths
of one full day of eminence
beholding what it sees,
intimately experiencing the
elements: sky, wind, rain, earth
and most essentially the sun.
When the moon rises high
in the sky and the suns gone
once again till dawn,
the lily succumbs.
Fresh, wearing old,
a day of life unfolded
too quickly, according
to the span of man.
The existence of this
one single bloom
upon the stem
gives cause to celebrate.
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Copyright © November 2005 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-12-03 09:07:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60714
Hi Dellena,
I enjoyed this. You have taken the bud of nature and given it bloom in this flower-bed of words. And thanks to the fertile ground of your artistry, the end-result is a flower that is at once endearing.
In the wee bursting hours
of the morning sun
in my cottage garden bed,
privately, typically away
from my line of sight,
the daylily blooms.---- reminds of how we tend not to notice these gems of nature
Hot hued colored bold,---hot hued (fine alliteration)
flashing its brightness,
displaying a golden-throated
center with stamens and
pistils erect, poised
to validate existence.--- now if i had to read this in a science text book- stamens, pistils, etc- i would have been most uninterested; it's amazing how poetry turns it around - golden-throated center is nice!
Wading through the depths
of one full day of eminence ----indeed, when a flower blooms, it blooms whole-heartedly
beholding what it sees,
intimately experiencing the
elements: sky, wind, rain, earth
and most essentially the sun.
When the moon rises high
in the sky and the suns gone --- [sun's]
once again till dawn,
the lily succumbs.
Fresh, wearing old,
a day of life unfolded
too quickly, according
to the span of man. --- span of man --sounds nice off the tongue
The existence of this
one single bloom
upon the stem
gives cause to celebrate.---- and celebrate we ought to...we are so caught up in ourselves...you remind us.Thankyou!!
Well done, Dellena!!
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2005-12-02 08:44:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena,
When I saw the title my heart gave a little leap and after one reading,
this one did not disappoint.
After many readings I am enamored.
The energy of "bursting" in the first stanza propels the reader along
through the vivid colorful descriptions that put the reader in awe.
Then you put us smack dab in the garden as the daylily to
experience all that it does. This piece is a celebration of a day in the
life of a lily, of the world and of life itself.
Great writing, and BRAVA!
Thanks for sharing this one.
My Best,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-11-24 22:22:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
In the [] bursting hours
in my cottage garden bed,
my private daylily blooms
Hot hued, colored bold,
flashing bright,
gold-throated
stamens, erect
pistil poised
in promiscuity
Fleet feet of day
beholds elements:
sky, wind, rain, earth;
most essentially: sun.
With moonrise
[this needs work]
lily succumbs.
Fleetingly,
One solar sigh
One day of life
One single blush
upon the stem
Then gone awilt.
I think you need some sense of speed, and fewer words.
The magic of the daylily needs to be concentrated by boiling away the unnecessary.
Keep working on this potentially great piece.
tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-11-17 00:24:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena,
Daylily [such a soft and inviting title]
In the wee bursting hours
of the morning sun
in my cottage garden bed,
privately, typically away
from my line of sight,
the daylily blooms. [here you’ve set the stage, now I await with anticipation to see where your nature play will take me]
Hot hued colored bold,
flashing its brightness,
displaying a golden-throated
center with stamens and
pistils erect, poised
to validate existence. [such depth of description colors the mind with a full spectrum of sensual hues]
Wading through the depths
of one full day of eminence
beholding what it sees,
intimately experiencing the
elements: sky, wind, rain, earth
and most essentially the sun. [how very fitting for one who has been described in such a sensual way, much wiser is this product of nature than man, it holds dear what it has at the time not waiting to see what will come]
When the moon rises high
in the sky and the suns gone
once again till dawn,
the lily succumbs.
Fresh, wearing old,
a day of life unfolded
too quickly, according
to the span of man.
The existence of this
one single bloom
upon the stem
gives cause to celebrate. [truly one of nature’s wonders, it wakes and it sleeps, and yet it seems so much more than mortal man, in it’s self it celebrates life, in this we recognize on a lesser level but understand enough to celebrate also]
This is so soft, sensuous and yet it rushes the reader on to see what happens next. You caress the sense’s with your well penned words and massage the sleeping parts of our mind to awaken to a new understanding of the cottage garden and the gem it holds. This was an unexpected delight and much enjoyed. Thank you.
Warmest always,
Lora
Copyright © November 2005 Dellena Rovito
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-11-12 17:19:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi D.,
To me this is one of the most beautiful poems you have ever written and it is one that captures my heart. I use to have a very large bed of daylilys and it always saddened me that they bloomed in all their glory for all to see then wilted and died. Your word choices in this piece are delicious and depict what a lily like this might see on the day it blooms. I love the way you take this flower from the moment it blossoms into the evening when it goes away...but in the end you celebrate this lovely flower and that makes this poem so special. I know one other thing in nature that has only one day to celebrate and that is the mayfly. Do you know of it? They hatch, mate, and die...what a way to go. Maybe the creatures that do this have such a glorious time or an exhausting one that one day is all they need. Great poem...loved every word!
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-11-11 19:50:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena:
I love this poem because its symbolism evokes joy for me. The quiet, unseen
daylily blooms “hot hued colored bold” as do we. Taking our brief time as
time extended infinitely, we enjoy our “one full day of eminence.” The way
you write this makes me feel that “one full day” is enough. It is complete
in itself, even if unseen or away from the writer’s “line of sight.” Perhaps
it is her physical manifestation, perhaps it is her soul. In either case, its
beauty cannot be denied. I love this: “poised to validate existence.” But
I love this more:
intimately experiencing the
elements: sky, wind, rain, earth
and most essentially the sun.
Yes! Maybe we will be unheralded, but perhaps existence itself is enough.
Experiencing the elements, and “most essentially the sun” you show that
we are part of a great light ourselves, whether we can see our personal
light as significant or not does not seem to matter in this poem. It is
the act of being oneself in the time allotted that counts. The lily is often
seen as the symbol for life, death and rebirth. I think you more than hint
at these associations in this lovely poem. You remind us to have faith,
though in essence, while we are in the physical body, at least some part
of us is also in the process of death.
Fresh, wearing old,
a day of life unfolded
too quickly, according
to the span of man.
A lifetime for the lily is brief, according to our measure. To what greater beings
is our span a mere flicker? If our bodies are “wearing old” are we not yet “fresh”
in the simplicity of our inner being? I think you ask these questions here. You
show that our spans are relative, and that we are of a substance as remarkably
enduring as that of which our local star, the Sun, is made.
The existence of this
one single bloom
upon the stem
gives cause to celebrate.
You show the eternity in the moment of a single bloom, the reason to celebrate
our lives full-heartedly and with all of our passion, because we are part of the
unfolding life of the elements which make up the universe, “most essentially
the sun.”
Brava! Well done, once more.
My best always,
Joanne
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