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This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-11-13 17:19:06 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Replenished

I tasted the rain today. It rolled profusely down my face, gathering, catching at my mouth corners. Cool, clear, clean, rainwater. Satisfying the need to experience it, I licked my lips. Nice, it was pleasant tasting. I took it in. Heavens tears had poured out of the eyes of the sky tasting of sweetness. The precious water washed over me spraying me clean, and clearing my mind. As if watering a half dead flower, it permeated my being. Thoroughly saturated I was revitalized. In communion with the rain, I had become me again.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Troy D Skroch On Date: 2005-12-04 22:25:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, After I read your poem I had to go and put in some CCR (Credance Clearwater Revival). They have a song called, "Have You Ever Seen The Rain?" Actually, I'm listening to it right now. It makes me not afraid to die. What is it about water that makes us live in the "cool, clear, clean"? I love the idea of reaching up to catch "Heavens tears." Truely a "communion" with life and nature. When you cry in the rain nobody sees you. It's wet, but private. I think I'm going to do that this summer. I like your poem Dellena and you are pretty special too (smile). I hope that you have a great holiday season and that your past stress is just that- past. May the eternal breezes bring you rain and always leave you replenished, T

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-11-29 10:56:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35417
Dear Dellena "I tasted the rain today" This is striking and clean from start to finish. "I had become me again." Nothing fancy, nothing overstated. Just clean, pure, unadorned "feel". Lovely. Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-11-24 22:36:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
I tasted [] rain today. It rolled [] down my face, gathering, catching [in] my mouthcorners. Cool, clear, clean, rain[we know]. Satisfying the need to experience [don't give IT away], I licked my lips. Nice. pleasant tast[e]. I took it in. Heaven[']s tears [] poured [from] the eyes of the sky tasting of sweetness[????what?]. The precious water washed over me clean[sed me], and clear[ed] my mind. [Use the active voice as much as you can] As if watering a half[??} dead flower[;] it permeated m[e]. Saturated [implies thorough] I was revitalized. In communion with [] rain, I become. Again. I think you'll find that if you throw away useless articles, cling to the active voice, avoid -ing endings except in rare circumstances (when action and motion are essential to the mood of the piece) your poetry will tighten up and become more readable, carry more punch in each line, and hold your readers, force them to work a little, ... it'll also allow your phrases to hide behind nuance and suggestions as they become less transparent. good luck. tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-11-16 13:52:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Dellena, I don’t know what has happened recently, but your latest poetry has sort of echoed you’re “replenished”. There is an upbeat tempo, and get on with it feeling to it all. Replenished – Of course, on personal notes this is, “restoration” or “sating” or even “finally”, a title that tells the story, sans embellishment, but tells it well. I tasted the rain today. It rolled profusely down my face, gathering, catching at my mouth corners. Cool, clear, clean, rainwater. – I so enjoy being in the rain, at least when I want to be- and that refreshing sound is almost as cleansing as the actual water rolling off- easy and hard, each its own personality. Satisfying the need to experience it, I licked my lips. Nice, it was pleasant tasting. I took it in. – Pleasant tasting, must have been after the first five minutes…LOL, and yes, in fact I would often gather rain water for my sun tea, sort of an ironic turn of the refreshment stand. What remains is “you took it in”, now there is the reason that rain should be hailed, period. Heavens tears had poured out of the eyes of the sky tasting of sweetness. The precious water washed over me – The image of “tears” and the sky having the “eyes” which can weep, there in its happiness or sadness ( I wonder if the raindrops taste different depending on the reason for tears), and that sweetness, tasting precious- There are many things said in this stanza, through your eyes, mostly the “precious/washing” of the person- one is a value judgment, the other an acclamation of that value. spraying me clean, and clearing my mind. As if watering a half dead flower, - Here is the journey to the replenishment- a half dead flower, waiting for the attention of the sky- waiting to be revitalized, and there is a rain fall that makes it happen. it permeated my being. Thoroughly saturated I was revitalized. – Something spiritual comes from the beauty around us. Recognizing the symbiotic needs of this beauty, of the desires and the detractions, more than makes the journey- palatable. “Revitalized”, now there is a reason for celebration. In communion with the rain, I had become me again. – Find the discovery, finding me, can we ever “find” a greater fulfillment- I once read a book called “why am I afraid to tell you who I am” – and at the time, I never thought that was me. When discovery overwhelmed me, I was astonished at who I was, and that I liked that discovery. Excellent Verse, one might say “replenishing”!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-11-15 12:36:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, Replenished [very fitting] I tasted the rain today. It rolled profusely down my face, gathering, catching at my mouth corners. Cool, clear, clean, rainwater. [truly one of natures awesome gifts, so freeing] Satisfying the need to experience it, I licked my lips. Nice, it was pleasant tasting. I took it in. [I see you with your face lifted skyward, relishing natures gift] Heavens tears had poured out of the eyes of the sky tasting of sweetness. The precious water washed over me [yes, for those in-tune with this earth it is a reaffirmation, a bonding] spraying me clean, and clearing my mind. As if watering a half dead flower, it permeated my being. Thoroughly saturated I was revitalized. [replenishing your spirit as it does for those close to the earth, those who walk with her, and respect her] In communion with the rain, I had become me again. [baptism by nature and heavens, a gift of celestial essences that few know or relish, it is a spirit thing, one that comes from ancestral roots both spiritually and lessons handed down] Thank you, I walked with you, let the rain wash over me and cleanse my weary spirit, you have replenished me with this affirmation of this gift that we take so often for granted. Yes, a return to the old ways, paying homage where it belongs, respecting our gifts, our ancestors did and how far away have we come from that. We have moved into the world of the others, in doing so we forget our culture and it’s teachings—another way of diluting our people. Keep the faith, so few of our people understand, you’ve given voice to that which we tend to forget. Thanks again Dellena, osiyu visvi Always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-11-15 01:53:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Dellena, I will have to agree. Sometimes, the best way to replenish ourselves is to commune with nature. There can be nothing fresher. I have partaken of countless rain-baths and felt the surge of spirits within my burdened being. The image I get from this is of a human being overcome with life's burdens seeking a source of emancipation. Lo and behold, the heaven's begin to cry (a trite cliche though) and the raindrops, with their healing touches, wash the depressive spirits away. I especially liked the second paragraph with the imagery and freshness it projected. I've tasted rain water too!! Nice thought, Dellena. if I were to offer a suggestion while asking you to keep the same theme, it would be to use the raindrops in a way that is different from tears from the heavens. It would then give the piece a unique angle that readers have never or rarely come across. Looking forward to more. Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2005-11-13 19:28:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena: It has been a while since one of your poems popped up. This one has a nice title and in Stanza 1, last two lines, there are five words beginning with the hard "C". That consonant sound...K...lends a great foundation on which to lay your poem. In Stanza 2, I would delete or move the word "satisfying" Unable to resist the need for tasting it, I licked my lips. Nice, saccharine, sweet on my tongue; I took it in...satisfying. I hope you do not mind, but your poetry is so lovely and ACCESSIBLE, I cannot resist noodling with it. Your metaphor of rain as "heaven's tears" works well and you tell of the rain's washing over your body and at the beginning of S 4, you place two hard-C words... clean and clear. Nice simile in Stanza 4 which is the pivotal point in the poem as this is the place in time where you are baptized perhaps, a point of saturation which revitalizes. In communion with the rain, I had become me again. Great couplet to end your lyric poem. Dellena, your style, your themes, use of rhymes and images remind me so much of my own writing and though we are diverse, we are more similar than not. Now I have boxed myself into a corner with no way out except to say this is a premier piece of writing. Any + remark you receive goes to me as well. Let us face the music that I enjoyed your poem very much! Brava! Best wishes, Your alter ego.

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