This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2005-11-14 10:23:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Temple of the Bard

~ Flame, cutting night’s cloak of darkness, her lexis. Soul’s candescent glow, delicate as chiffon, draws tenants of heart’s haven to its nexus. Gilded doors unlock dreams of aspiration. Sanguinity saturates her many rooms, kindling quiescent imagination Flowing tapestries, wove on inspired looms, embellish eye’s pane emblazoned with color. In benign shelter of spirit, passion blooms. Imbued with immense magnitude of ardor, we revere her role as illuminator. ~

Copyright © November 2005 Mary J Coffman

Additional Notes:
Wrote this one for another poet friend of mine, whose pen name is "Night Hope." The form is - Terza Rima: 3 tercets followed by a couplet, 11 syllables per line with a rhyme scheme as follows: aba, bcb, cdc, dd Lexis - words, expressions, language Sanguinity - hopefulness, cheerfulness, brightness

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-11-27 07:17:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.06250
Mary, I thought the diction was too complex. Maybe if the title was "Temple of the Sibyl" or something - it'd work. But I think not for the temple of a bard. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-11-16 20:13:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mary: This is an outstanding example of the terza rima form, IMO. Your friend is undoubtedly delighted with this tribute to her work. There are many things about this poem which I especially appreciate. I really admire the elegant language of this poem, for example your use of words like “lexis/nexus” – these are highly unusual end line rhymes! I am tempted to offer comment line-by-line, there is so much in which to luxuriate given here. The assonance of “soul’s/glow” and the soft, breathy ‘h’ of “heart’s haven” is sumptuous, especially read aloud. I’d have to delineate my reaction to “candescent/tenants/quiescent” and so much more to cover everything about the poetry-crafting in this work which gives me pleasure. One slight suggestion: In L1 of S3, I’d use “woven.” I’ve only seen the word “candescent” in one other poem that I recall here, and it is one which also éclairs your work. I love the phrase “eye’s pane” which implies, to me at least, what it states, but also, ‘painful vision’ at least in some sense. “Temple of the Bard” is refreshingly feminine, whilst we are most accustomed to the use of “bard” in the sense of a male identity, such as Shakespeare. You’ve given us an exquisite vision of a woman, a poet who ‘illuminates’ manuscripts with the gold derived from her passion and her receptive inspiration. My favorite stanza: Gilded doors unlock dreams of aspiration. Sanguinity saturates her many rooms, kindling quiescent imagination Glowing imagery, the sounds of ‘g’ and sibilants makes this stanza particularly appealing to me. This is a poem in which to rest one’s eyes, mind and heart. Magnificently done! Brava! My best always, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-11-15 23:50:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, Another new form for me to study and learn from. You are always offering up something new and your pen never disappoints this reader with which you command it. I apologize for not having commented sooner on this multifaceted delicacy . I have read in numerous time trying to elaborate on how each line made me feel but can not. It is the whole of your offering that imprints on my mind with great respect for your talent. You have honored your friend with this gift presenting us with a picture of someone who must truly shine in all that she does. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to view this work and sharing such a well crafted poem with us. As always, Lora
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