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This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-11-19 23:36:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Overman Culture

So we took a back seat in the raincheck stalls beside the black cube accepted from the mullahs ballotechnic chestnuts tasting of the Whores of Cinnabar. Quiet for a second, the tap dripping, stopping, toes around the cord, a brief goodbye, then yanked the hairdryer, blowing like a pulpit into the excellent bathwater.

Additional Notes:
" Woodcutter. Cut down my shadow. Deliver me from the torment of bearing no fruit."

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-11-30 16:34:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79412
Hi Mark, I won't pretend to understand your exact intent here but I can't ignore that it is powerful and leaves me with a racing heart every time I read it! I think you are speaking of another culture...one that we don't completely understand. of Cinnabar. Quiet.......in my estimation these as the most powerful lines and the ones that make my heart for a second, the tap.......go pitter pat. The tap dripping gives me an image of a cold room with a light dripping, stopping,.........bulb dangling from the ceiling givng just a dull light toes around the cord,.........these next lines are chilling to me and I keep saying "who is in the bath tub?" a brief goodbye, then.........did that person yank the hairdryer or someone standing over him or her? yanked the hairdryer,.........or are these just simple questions to a complex poem that I don't understand? and perphaps this is just a metaphor for another culture that we don't understand. at least the bathwater was excellent....that is before the hairdryer splashed the calm of it. Anyway...that's what I get from this well written poem...perhaps you could enlighten me! Take acre....Mazza

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2005-11-24 21:42:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Out of this world. ballotechnic chestnuts!! Lorca would be proud. I am proud. Pass the napalm jelly. My bagel is getting hard.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-11-20 14:16:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94118
Mark, I am not sure whether you meant this to be a more personal piece or a societal reflection. Either way there is the preeminence within it of hedonism and self indulgence. I also notice that “mullahs” were inserted as Apollonian, I presume, and wonder where you place the balance of religious leadership. If this is mostly a personal reflection, then the backlighting of the issues are straight forward, if it is of society, or “a” society, then it becomes more clouded. I do know the C.S. Lewis in many of his works (Particularly his Space Trilogy and Screwtape Letters), Francis A. Schaeffer (How Should we Then Live), and John Powell, (A Reason to Live, A reason to die) found the “overman” (Nietzsche) philosophy to be self indulgent, not because of any altruistic positions, but because the “seeking of” was in and of itself, not selfless. All that said, I remain at your note, “to be fruitful” which is a very personal view and departs whatever societal connotations are associated with it all. I understand the proposition, and maybe see the result as a broader orientation. “Overman” I think, if really indwelt, whether in you or society, would be cloaked as good, as many of your examples suggest. His/Its followers, might not even see the resident egocentricity. An interesting piece, made me go over many things I have not thought on. If I had a criticism, it would be that the piece is a bit to obscure to get out the message of your note. Sometimes a message such as this in important to understand, without as much labor. I think I can honestly say, to be in harmony with the world, does not mean you can solve its problems, that is the definition of "harmony", harmony is a product of consignment, "melody" is the actualism of life. If I completly missed your point, I do try!!

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-11-20 12:43:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
So, how come you're alive to tell the story? What a hell of a way to go! But is there any better way? Chestnuts tasting of the Whores (why the capital)...quite clever though. This at least I could sorta understand. Shalom.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-11-20 06:57:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.80952
MAH, Another wonderful poem. A good poem to look at in light of the recent forum debate. Do I "understand" this poem completely? No. Do I need to to enjoy the experience of reading it and experiencing it? No. As I said on the forum, one's human aesthetic sense can feel the power of a good poem by virtue of its "expressive arrangement." This poem is about cultural differences and a Western man's experience of those differences in a non-Western land. It's powerful "expressive arrangement" begins with the phrase "back seat," a reference to the automobile, the West's beast of burden. I have no idea what the "raincheck stalls" references, nor the "black cube." Ditto "ballotechnic chestnuts." Granted my appreciation of this poem would be enhanced if I were able to understand those references. But not understanding those references doesn't take away the obviouis sense of being in the presence of an expression of some power. The verbal ingenuity of "stalls" and "mullahs" - rather, the adroit sound manipulation in confirming the association between the two - being a case in point. The "Whores of Cinnabar" is a grand, evocative image. It brings this whole culture before us - in my mind. Like the writer of the poem, we've been given our "taste." Wonderful, precise image of a dripping tap follows. Besides being a wonderful, almost tactile image, it recalls "tap" as a verb, as in a tap on the shoulder, a "hey, look," which is appropriate for this "encounter" with another culture. The "toes around the chord" is another very specific, powerful image, calling to my mind an "umbilical" chord and setting up the following "pulpit" very nicely. The last stanza is the knockout, an incredible metaphor "pulpit" (or rather simile here, "like a pulpit")out of nowhere, summarizing the stance of the Westerner to the culture he is encountering. It would seem to be that making this a simile instead of a metaphor is a slight derogation of the Westerner and his stance: it doesn't even rise to the level of a pulpit, but is just "like" that. The idea that a "hairdryer" is in the Westerner's "pulpit" is also delicious, and sums up the commercialism that now dominates the West. The description of the bathwater as "excellent," is the perfect summation. Who but a materialistic Westerner, self-absorbed and attuned to his creaturely comforts, and viewing the world as a vast bizarre in which he shops, coddles himself and acquires "excellences," would describe "bathwater" as "excellent." It's f---in' bathwater, mate. Step outside yourself and get REAL. Just some reasons why, even though I could appreciate this poem better if I understoof some things which I don't, this poem is a powerful poem worthy of a high contest vote. And that would remain so even if my "interpretation" were way off the Mark. :) This is "expressive arrangement" of a high order, and that's what distinguishes, or should be distinguished, here. I'm gonna post this on the forum, mate. Mark

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