This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2005-11-24 10:11:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Flawed Essence My father lies not in a graveyard
he’s not in the ashes there
He drifts in the essence of wood smoke
as it curls into autumn air
His fury runs riot in winter
lashing and bitter cold
Scowling clouds glaring down
chill to the very soul
With childlike hope he breathes springtime
as sugar maples run
Misfortune’s shadow banished
by all that’s yet to come
His toil and sweat seize the summer
battling heat and drought
Cursing fate and vagaries
of outcomes still in doubt
Contentment is his harvest
though tempered by the task
Success and failure side by side
all that can be asked
My father is not in the graveyard
his spirit fills me now
Like nature flawed, no more no less
But always, head unbowed
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Copyright © November 2005 Kenneth R. Patton
Additional Notes:
My wife's uncle, a retired minister, once told me
"Everyone deserves to be remembered for their best"
A good sentiment on this day of thanks.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2005-12-01 11:56:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41509
Dear Kenneth
While I gather from your note that this piece refers to a real person, there is something about it that is almost an anthropomorhic depiction of a "nature" spirit. Almost (though the general preference is to speak of a "mother" earth, or female earth deity) as if some character of nature is depicted here as male.
Which would, of course, be unusual. And thus all the more striking.
This seems to show someone/something less at their "best" than at the peak of their powers.
Nicely done.
Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-11-29 16:47:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79412
Hi Kenneth,
This poem is so lovely but also brings mist to my eyes...when my father passed away I was devastated. I was an only child and he was my champion...even my husband nor my mother could fill that void. Your word choices here are just suberb!
My father lies not in a graveyard...............these lines are especially poignant..I can relate to them
he’s not in the ashes there easily as I have thought them myself
He drifts in the essence of wood smoke..........I love this line..they give hope to all that grieve the loss
as it curls into autumn air of a loved one
Contentment is his harvest.......................beautiful and heartfelt words that warm the soul and the
though tempered by the task perfect rhyme is musical
My father is not in the graveyard................the last stanza is a perfect ending to this stunning poem
his spirit fills me now I am so glad I didn't miss this one...it speaks to me
Like nature flawed, no more no less in every line.
But always, head unbowed
well done and a perfect tribute to your father who must have been a marvelous human being.
best...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-11-26 10:28:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96000
Kenneth, there is a ring of essentials within this piece. The wafting of “smoke” and the “contentment of harvest” hold so many images that one must “sift” through their own life, and think on themselves as fathers and mothers to determine how much of this personal piece, is us, and/or we are in control of.
I know that my father’s spirit is not in the “graveyard”, and that the “cursing of fates and vagaries” may have hastened his transition, but also accented his goodness. He was, for me, the greatest man I have known.
I appreciate your “flawed nature- no more no less” that gives a temperament to the seasons, and life itself. You have done well to bring to my mind, the many things that sometimes evade recollection.
Thank you
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-11-25 14:46:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Kenneth,
It was such a delight to find you on my list today as I noticed you haven't had an offering for awhile. Your poem gives us much to take in, to contemplate for truly you have given the measure of the man. You have offered us with this well crafted heart felt poem an in depth view of a man, his life, his philosophy, his strengths and short comings, a man whom you will always remember-he left his mark on you. I truly appreciate your work here for me, IMHO, it sends a clear message- one that we should all remember. Thank you for this posting, kudos!
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2005-11-25 12:28:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Kenneth,
I know it's been a long time since I posted, but this moved me as a beautiful poem that reminded me of the memories I have of my Dad. Mom and Dad both had problems, but I am trying to remember only the good times. You don't have to rate me, I don't even know how it works anymore. Just wanted to say hi.
Sherri Smith
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2005-11-24 18:24:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73333
Kenneth,
Love your uncle remembered through the seasons and in nature.
I'd like this rememberance for myself.
His ashes must be in the wind.
I'm not sure if natures flawed. Mans flawed but nature is only flawed
if man disrupts it as has been done.
Your rhyme was delightful throughout and it flowed well from stanza to stanza.
Scowling,childlike, drifting in wood smoke all sound heavenly to me.
Good job Ken. It fills me full of delight.
Strange for a rememberance I know.
Now a bit of music as he whispers through the trees.
Dellena
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