This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-11-30 18:49:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Golden Leaves in Crimson Hands

Golden leaves crumble  Like shattered glass tumbles From jagged mirrors Edges tear Life apart from inside out Millions of pieces scattered about Within a frozen well of mind Icicles standing in time Melting slowly drip by drip Coming alive sharing their bit Of horror scenes And nightmare screams Till once more the dawn it comes And wipes away the fearsome ones Frozen again and timeless still In raging burning fire’s grills How can fire freeze in time? How can ice burn a line? Of blood stained hands  And guilty lands The timeless pieces They do stand The time it’s come To be undone One crackle at a time The ice it melts  Fear runs about Naked truth is mine Drip one drip two And three and four Till inside out Frozen no more Each drip gives breath To a new life Burning sights Into the mind Recalling times I left behind But they hold fast Till each story’s last Final words are duly cast Each gruesome tale Weaves into one A life of horror,  She’s come undone But who will put her back together? The golden leaves crumble In crimson hands And fall to the earth  To be lost again Among the hundreds Of frozen lives Bearing witness To keep her alive Each separate one Encapsulated Held in place No time no space Where if she chooses To let dawn in The light, it’s warmth Renews again And drip by drip  They come alive And dance they do Upon the wind

Copyright © November 2005 Mandie J Overocker

Additional Notes:
This is another that just kinda came intended rhyme scheme or form.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-12-06 09:47:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86275
Mandie, I'm not quite sure what to say. I follow your thought, your stanza's throw me off with their line counts, and in line 4 stanza 4 at the end "fire's grills" possibly should be "grill". OK, IMO you actually have two seperate poems here albiet about the same subject with similar verbiage. I would contemplate divide this piece into two seperate poems possibly at the juncture between the 5th and 6th stanzas. This is just my opinion. You've colorful verbiage painting vivid pictures. Earth mother replenishes and goes dormant in order to prepare for renewal.....invocative and beautiful....just needs a bit of fine tuning... Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-12-03 08:36:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63043
I'm glad you mentioned you had no intended rhyme scheme 'cause I was going to tell you the rhyme is forced...but you got your message out although to my taste it's way too long. See what you can do by shortening and tightening the lines.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-12-01 14:01:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Mandie, Wonderful title. Not much of a commentary, but . . . there it is. Thanks for supporting TPL with your poetry. Mark
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