This Poem was Submitted By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2005-12-04 18:24:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Leave-taking

She waits, my fair maid, and as the pre dawn light Begins to illumine this sepulchral night Her wildly fluttering gentle heart Beats with the sound of an internal drum Icicle breath crystals and glows amber With the coming of highland sun Hanging dewdrops refract rising light Across a faery mound amidst sweeping glen Fast approaches the time between time Merging pause, of this and the otherworld Three times circled gateway Creaks on ethereal hinges My shade clings tenuously to this Hovering betwixt Bloodied battlefield and Final resting bower Before my journey starts With the Tautha De Danann Earthly bonds of love Have to be broken My lovers whispered kiss Carried softly on scented breath Parts body and soul Eternal youth awaits Until the next life My beloved!

Copyright © December 2005 stephen g skipper


This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-12-31 20:43:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71875
You should continue this story. It needs to be expanded. I like these kind of stories. HNY.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-12-25 22:44:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Steve: Title: Leave-taking This is a poem which IMO deserves to be heard. Reading it aloud, I stumbled a bit over the pronunciation of ¡§Tautha De Danann¡¨ but realize that some things are meant to be imagined and not attempted. <smile> The poem is a romantic¡¦s dream, and I think it helps if one has knowledge of Celtic legends. I don¡¦t have much of that, but I appreciated the theme, language, voice, sonics, and imagery of this piece. I wasn¡¦t clear about what happened at the end, except that the two lovers will not be parted at death, or ever after. A lovely reading experience! Here are some minor suggestions and a couple of queries. Keep or toss the suggestions! <smile> She waits, my fair maid, and as the (predawn) light Begins to illumine this sepulchral night „²suggest ¡¥illuminate¡¦ Her wildly fluttering gentle heart Beats with the sound of an internal drum Icicle (breathes) crystals and glows amber With the coming of highland sun Hanging dewdrops refract rising light Across a faery mound amidst sweeping glen, <love the Celtic storyteller¡¦s voice Fast approaches the time between time Merging pause, of this and the ¡¥otherworld¡¦ „²sets the scene so beautifully Three times circled gateway <walk widdershins? Creaks on ethereal hinges My shade clings tenuously to this Hovering betwixt „²again, a nice touch, the archaic diction suits this well Bloodied battlefield and Final resting bower Before my journey starts With the Tautha De Danann „²in your notes, I¡¦d love to learn more about this Earthly bonds of love Have to be broken (My lover¡¦s) whispered kiss Carried softly on scented breath Parts body and soul Eternal youth awaits Until the next life My beloved! I don¡¦t know Steve whether the closing couplet is meant ironically; as you refer to ¡¥eternal life¡¦ in the strophe above it. The ¡¥next life¡¦ could be the afterlife, or it could be the concept of reincarnation. I like the mystery of not knowing! A great read! Many thanks for this. Best wishes, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2005-12-25 22:12:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Stephen, I am glad to have encountered your poetry again. This one is tearful yet very inspiring. The assurance of love to your sweetheart is beyond measure. As always, you are profound with love and so much inspiration. Thanks for sharing this with us! Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-12-09 14:20:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Stephen, This is excellently structure and well thought out. The flow offers an easy comfortable read, for me, somewht lyrical as I found myself getting lost in your language and the pictures you've offered. Even as weary as I am at this time, this soothed those darker places the mind often goes too. IMO, you've given us a most deliciously soft romantic poem. It is most difficult to say which line/lines I'm drawn to however your: Until the next life My beloved! keep echoing in my mind. This poem you have offered is for me like an heirloom, something to keep and treasure...I find I'm having difficulty finding the words for the feelings this invoked...so I'll just say kudos my friend, well done. Warmest always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2005-12-07 14:57:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
This is a beautiful poem of love that has left in body but not soul for it still lives within. You have captured this reader by showing the togetherness even in passing. Well done and enjoyable to read. thank you for sharing.
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