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This Poem was Submitted By: stephen g skipper On Date: 2005-12-08 18:10:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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08/12/05 (am)

Sound of snow falling A mental blizzard abounds Shelter silently Enforced solitude Brings a daylight loneliness It’s colder inside New direction sought Alter-passion is needed Hurts to write a rhyme “Guilt”ed gifts received “Un” confessional payment Cold winters bring pain

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-01-04 13:12:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
I see a winter scene yet also a chill within the soul of a person. You have given both a physical and spirit profile to the reader. Interesting style at the end using "Guilt" and 'Un' didn't do much for this reader but your last line did of Cold winters bring pain since you had described it so well in the first three stanza's. A enjoyable poem.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2005-12-23 22:08:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Stephen, I know I miss the snow, and I know the cool touch of the snowdrifts in the soul. I know the solitude and lonliness, particularly after the warmth and eternity of love. I know the cold of writers needs, and the needs to write, when the subject hurts like hell. I know the winter of the souls content, and the summer of the souls discontent. I know cold winters bring pain. Usually, for me, those winters abound in creativity, whether they wish to or not. I see your well crafted verse, and I am not alone. Excellent imagery, lonely or not.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-12-10 17:28:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Whoa...have another hot toddy mate. No need to write in rhyme. This is well understood. Very evocative and truthful feelings on your condition. Stay inside and bundle up. This piece is a different directiion for you. I have lived in snow country half my life, and never heard the sound but it's quite indicative of your feelings and what's going on for you. Thanks so much for sharing.I can almost feel your pain.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-12-09 13:55:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Stephen, This well thought out offering is truly what I'd call a poets poem. Through the many layers offered hear, the reader views poet struggling with the quiet within, no muse, no voices, no particular direction or inspiration....the winters of the mind. So often during a time such as this we appear to wander aimlessly through our minds, thoughts are like blizzards, they come fast, hard, relentlessly but dont' seem to be decipherable...yes, this does bring pain to those who make the choice to contemplate. Good structure, a piece that one needs to ponder, coming away each time with a different view. Thanks for the brain teaser... Warmest always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-12-08 18:33:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Steve: "Hurts to write a rhyme" is a powerful line. It struck me hard. I know the feeling today. I am not sure I am getting your intent for it accurately but it resonated for me. There are times when it is more painful to write than to not write. Either way, it's tough to be a poet inside oneself, is it not. I think you bring that idea across incredibly well, at least for me. The first line takes me immediately to standing outdoors, listening to the flakes hit leaves and the ground. A kind of soft 'ponk' sound. Indoors, I can't hear it at all. It is a deep silence. You bring us into the silence immediately. Then you show us that it is an internal "mental blizzard" which shelters "silently." Enforced solitude "Brings a daylight loneliness" It’s colder inside You show very effectively how it can feel colder inside oneself than in any literal blizzard. The second line is another great one, IMO. But line three below is the one which really captures my attention, made the poem speak to me personally. New direction sought Alter-passion is needed Hurts to write a rhyme The final stanza sounds miserable. It suggests 'gilt' as well as 'guilt' and such gifts are costly to receive. I'm not sure I grasp the second line below, except to imagine that the gift has caused pain of which the giver is completely unaware. The poem makes me reflect upon such gifts as I have received like this. “Guilt”ed gifts received “Un” confessional payment Cold winters bring pain The final line seems to sum up the piece, for the cold inside and the cold outside meet the writer's/speaker's reluctance to write the rhyme for it hurts to do so. I believe I understand this reference and wish there were some way to remedy the situation. What helps one doesn't work for another, but what has helped me is, as you've suggested above, finding an "alter-passion" when poetry brings hurt. In spring and summer it's easier, because I can always work in my flowers. I hope there is some equivalent for you in winter. For me it's a task to find something else I love as much. May you find warmth and that writing again brings comfort. My best to you, Joanne

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