This Poem was Submitted By: Paul von Kempf, JR. On Date: 2006-01-08 16:34:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Rhyme It's fine to rhyme
But I decline to rhyme.
When hearse rhymes with verse
That must be my curse.
Rhymes bounce around my brain,
Like an ape
Trying to escape,
Causing me pain.
It's fine to rhyme
When you learn to follow the rules
And use the tools
By design
But freeverse has simpler rules
And fewer tools
To ease the curse
until the hearse
takes my freeverse
Again. |
|
Copyright © January 2006 Paul von Kempf, JR.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-02-02 15:38:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Paul
It's not often rhyme is used these days without putting people to sleep.
This is neat. Mind you, I'm not sure what's harder to write: good free verse or good rhyme.
I keep having an each-way bet.
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-01-11 14:09:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Well, it's quite certain that you don't know how to rhyme...but that's okay 'cause I have trouble counting syllables and would much rather use free verse. So, I hope that the hearse hasn't come by to pick you up yet!
Very amusing, yet so true. BTW, free verse is two words!I would also suggest that you change the title to make it more intriguing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-01-10 15:15:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a lark, very very clever. I'm sure nothing invites this more than
verse labored to step in candence with "rhyme". It is doubtful that anyone
can pen a rhyme scheme today without wondering if their poem is not too
clumsy at the effort...at the expense of meaning and, perhaps, presenting
the line better in less contrived manner.
Then to, as you may here, reach the self-revelatory point where it's all
so much guff. Certainly better than being self-congratulatory. My reaction
is to think up excuses to sublimate free verse and kind of snicker at those
that handle this structured stuff better than me. Sometimes I get caught,
though.
How much you charge for a ride in this hearse? Might like to tour NYC in
it....at least as far as Greenwich Village.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-01-09 09:04:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.66667
Rhyming is difficult for some while free verse is difficult for others in communicating a complete thought. You showed us the difficulty in maintaining the structure of rhyming within this piece for you flip flop from every other line, to next line ,to fourth line in your piece. Simpler rules for freeform yet one must consider the flow and the presentation. Just a thought and enjoyed to attempt at rhyme you did a pretty good job for this reader making sense of it.
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