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I Know You You're peeking around, traipsing on tiptoe Maybe even stalking a little, hanging on Expectation, hoping not to plummet Through some hole in the floor harshness Could make, chiseling at tender dreams Curdling blood of young children You've breathed more than life into, Meaning, even. It doesn't matter about the wrapping, we're all Friends here,...kinda, sorta, most of the time. Pensive at that plushness of promise Placed before us, some kind of loving thing You've brought us to banquet on. It's not too much, your eyes tell, to give Mindful allotting you've grown into pants A little weary of your waist before. I know you, you want knowing love, grasping At the words to say it, like Tarzan, at swinging Vines. Assured you're insulated from the obviousness Of it. Undenounced by those caught up in a lie they're Not so similar. But they are. Preciously, are. Does your sweet gift hold new wonder, newness Wonderfully? Has it new captives to acclaim To place so gingerly upon altars of offering? Intensely bestowed just by placement? The threat of frowns drawn together so risked But so little heeded when the courage of a moment Could have other worlds, other things to look behind? And just to know this, you are a poet. |
Additional Notes:
I guess you like this a little better, MAH?
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-02-07 06:39:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Offerings from the pen. I like the wording overall yet definately the presentation made it difficult at least for this reader. I felt that it would have been better in a more structured format but of course that is only my opinion. My favorite lines are gingerly upon altars of offering, little heeded wien the courage of a moment, Pensive at that plushness of promise. The line most difficult in relating to the rest of the poem was about the waistline...lol Maybe it is a problem for me...lol. Thanks for sharing.