This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-01-28 06:27:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Drummer boy

That’s my son on the drums banging away smacking art with passion. Embarrassing. He’s not vain  enough to shirk exercises, splay in fields and force ripe his beat, pinch up his sprouts before their time has come. Bang on, boy. Beat this urge out of yourself: admire yourself, but later. First things first: DNA mandates you first bang on and deafen the neighbours.

Copyright © January 2006 Mark Andrew Hislop

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-02-07 06:32:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Here is a poem that I can really enjoy for your presentation, thought, flow doesn't waver. Like how you start it by the impact. Do I see a reflection of yourself in this piece, like father - like son. Well presented as I mentioned earlier. Thanks for sharing.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2006-01-31 20:52:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77273
MAH: This seems to be structured prose. Humorous prose. A prosey poem. The best line: Beat this urge/out of yourself: The worst: bang...neighbours. I'm with Schlepper: the ending needs help. Needs to help its prefix. Dug
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-01-28 22:36:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Dear Mark, Great sense of humor used in this poem, and the visuals are wonderful. Use of good imagery, makes me see your son, sitting behind his drum set, sticks in hands, going at it like a star, and he should. Everyone should pursue there interests - Beat this urge out of yourself, good line. My son is evolving his personality, with video games, kind of makes me wish he was banging on drums, or anything else for that matter - that does not require a controller. I like the short, lines, easy flow structure, and the touch of humor in your last verse. It made me smile. Thank you. Favorite line in your poem is: smacking art with passion - because art, is full of passion. Sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard Andrew Geiger On Date: 2006-01-28 21:54:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Dear Mark: Loved this piece about your son learning to play the drums...torturing his audience... The DNA part is an allusion to his hereditary lack of musical ability....inherited from his "old man"//??? Lovely that he should torture the neighbors first, afterall what are neighbors for? Very enjoyable piece....especially for the musically challenged....confession.....I'm so musically challenged I can't even play the radio. Thanks for sharing, Your friend, Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-01-28 12:44:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.78571
Is that what you did Mark? Made your neighbours deaf? Bad boy! Quite an unusual use for the v. splay. And also unusual that you compare his growth to sprouts. Okay I get it now. My father used to say I was growing like a weed or you're really sprouting. Okay...Keep this one for your son and let him read it if he gets married.
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