This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-02-06 14:57:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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How to press a button This first mistake
cannot be undone.
The catalog of fingers
performs a leucotomy.
The croupier from MIT
authorizes fact-finding
missions to Damascus.
Tea leaves counsel
cost-benefit analyses
of weathervanes.
Ink, extracted from butterflies,
hydrates a mirage. This serves
no purpose.
In all that water, salt
unwinds an infinite loop
of buttons.
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Copyright © February 2006 Mark Andrew Hislop
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-03-05 10:31:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You grasp the thing, the "first blood" principle.
Thank you, I thought another element of accountable
manhood had declined to vanishing. You revive enough
of it to matter.
Yes, opinion making is like lobotomy. Every bit like
it. The liars know that so well.
Military strikes are ALWAYS a gamble...whether they'll
be taken as justified (against cities, how could they
be?) or as an act of aggression against the world.
"croupier", again, well taken.
It is a toss in the air, decided by nothing..."Tea
leaves counsel". Classy.
A most superlative image, undresses so much, "Ink
extracted from butterflies,/hydrates a mirage." Drop
the next line, it is like a neon pointer to a rare
orchid.
Yes, tears.
The best thing you've done this month and where the
bulk of my voting weight will go. About friggin time
you started aiming that gifted "abstraction" device'
you have going at some inevitable conclusions.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-03-03 11:32:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
A leucotomy? My med. dictionary has no such term, and as a nurse I have never heard of it but otomy means to remove. So, I assume you hit a button with your fist? What that all has to do with the rest of the poem is beyond me, but I am sure someone will come along after this and think it absolutely brilliant. For me, I think it is c..p!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-03-03 08:56:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Mark,
Where to begin...This is my first crit in a long time and I pick this one. Actually let me take a
step back and say that yes I am critiqueing and planning to post, as well. I will try not to be
too nicey nice and not to get my feelings hurt too easily by any misunderstood people. As far as my critiques, I have always given a summery of what effect the poem had on me and until I learn some
thing different that's mostly what you're gonna get from me. But the good news is , I could give a
rat's booty whether you give me a 3 or a 10. Or maybe that's the bad news, remains to be seen.
Anyway, I hope we're sraight on that. Point being if you want to give me a three and then tell me
what you really wanted to hear, go ahead.
The title intrigued me and drew me in. Each stanza became more thought provoking as I went along.
Talk about fresh images. These you deliver. I feel like you pick your words carefully giving the
reader a razor sharp image of what you want us to see. My favorite part poeticlly is
"Ink, extracted from butterflies,
hydrates a mirage. This serves
no purpose."
But the ending is a superb snap that makes the reader come away going "Oh wow".
The only suggestion I would have is not of much import, but to make the first two stanza's
tercets like the rest from a visual standpoint. Sorry, I know that is kind of silly, but I tried!
Good luck in the contest.
Best,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-02-09 09:50:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I enjoyed this one of yours Mark for it makes me think on each stanza looking into each aspect of one pushed there is no retraction. If error is made it cannot be undone, if analysis is complete then one has a better chance. Each one a different result. Like the format, the flow, the thought, and the read to this. Wouldn't change anything for you capture the reader. Thanks for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2006-02-06 21:57:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You need to slow down. All this reading is making me dizzy.
Lots of interesting imagery. I cannot the "sole unshoed ..." (nor tie)
this one together in a neat little bow. My fav line:
"...This serves no purpose."
I suspect this has something to do with that Problem on the other side of the Poem.
Tinker
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