This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-02-08 03:27:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Village of Lear Up-river manufactories
are slopers to the grade
of the waters of Lear.
All fathers to the bastard child
court his mother with a stipend,
a knowing wink, a smile
that turns to sullen distance once
her skirts have dropped again.
And they return to business.
And as they reach the village
limits, they shake their shoes
for dust, and they depart. The boy
collects insolvent dusts, waters,
and turns them into art.
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Copyright © February 2006 Mark Andrew Hislop
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-02-14 10:28:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Now just what purpose do you have in mind coining, "manufactories"?
One offers a superb poem and tethers it to such an artless embellishment?!!!
Something's turning the wrong way in Aussieland and it's not just the
flush in commodes.
I don't ask for much and when I do I always offer more.
Make only this one repair, after striking this poem from the site;
repost it and I will, I promise, throw it my voting weight. You will
get the critique it will, thus, deserve and I will have done my
part in saving it from oblivion.
Shame, shame, shame.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2006-02-08 14:14:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
MAH,
This is solid. I'm assuming you want echos of King Lear to reverbarate in our heads, what with the "bastard child" and all. I'm guessing that Lear may be an actual village, too. Love the nice iambic rhythm throughout. Well, not throughout, since there's a lot of variation, right from the opening lines. There is some regular iambic rhythms in the body, though. This has a charm, a certain magic. And it is universal, not time bound. I can't but help picture, being a Hart Crane devotee, Hart waiting for those checks from his rich, bourgeois, successful old man as he tries to build his bridges into eternity. In fact, I could see my Hart Crane writing this - a compliment of the highest order there, chap.
To me, this is a big breakthrough for you. Let us see what the Jimbo has to say.
And I'd say you said, "f- it" in this one, and gave head to your Romantic side. 'Bout time.
Wonderful, and your best.
MSS
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