This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-02-15 22:03:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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In Another's Obsession The whining drag on an old engine
Clutching slippery on fly-wheel.
Breaking before the grinding stopped.
Pouting lips, I wondered what other
Places might do when stroked.
Looking away suddenly, like distraction
Came so easily.
Her easiness seemed slightly forced.
Were we East of Eden?...the motionless thought
Rang inside One brief astral second
It was velvety inside her, then I thought of
Tapioca pudding.
Had I thrown her trust to wolves? Or bent
To passion she invoked? Merely.
Something passed, not to come back again.
The light rain beginning to fall might tell
The clutch was clumsy again, gears clunking
In semi-engagement startled into submission
By a whining of a drive-train poorly torqued.
"I love you", slipped out in-between-it-all to slide
Down my spine touching new questions on
How I might survive this night. |
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Copyright © February 2006 James C. Horak
Additional Notes:
Living in a small town when I was in my early teens, knowing everyone,
was not without its disadvantages.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-03-07 13:26:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
James,
In the realm of why can't we all just respect eachother's poetry and get along I want to
acknowlege this poem spoke to me and I found myself rereading it and finding multiple
issues you speak to. I found myself laughing and enjoying this immensely. Hopefully you
won't find that to be insensitive. :)
Most of all, I think many will relate to the last part about surviving the night.
Best,
Jen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-03-02 04:54:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
JCH
Early teens, eh? You did get away to an early start, didn't you?
While the velvet-turned-to-thoughts-of-tapioca is not the sole preserve of the first encounter, it does work with the not uncommon after-thought of "Gee ... what was all that about?" And the almost obligatory "I love you" that must be worn on the sleeve, emblematic of "I did not abuse your trust."
One suspects though that it is the narrator's trust that had been abused.
The scene is familar, so too the denouement. The night has ended, but what it contained leaves the disquieting question as to whether one will survive it or not: the emotional aftershocks reverberate.
To make sense of the obsession being "another's", I find myself having to impute "loose morals" to the partner, especially since "Her easiness seemed slightly forced." It's not her first time, apparently.
The parallel of the "relationships", such as it is, with the engine/clutch that whines and engages by submission is intriguing. The "mechanics" of love: The grinding. The whining. The clumsiness. The doubt...
But above all, the doubt.
MAH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2006-02-28 18:10:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I have not done much critiquing on TPL this month, and so want to touch upon some of
the poems I thought were so good. Naturally, the reference to the vehicle is perfect, as
girls and vehicles seem to alternate places of great importance in the mind of the teenage boy.
"tapioca"? That must be Texan slang, as I've not heard that before; so I actually had to
guess...oh...that's what he means. Early on, some awareness of consequence was there, quite
a step out for an early teen.
My brother has a man, PHD, in thermal physics helping him with the burners on a machine; grew up
in Transilvania, now Serbia. His parents sent him to boarding school after he lit a roof
on fire, experimenting with powders on his model airplanes. Yes, small towns have trouble
permitting genius to express. Or, to return to the poem, love has its limits in a moral man;
and in a teenager, lust and love are easily blended. The reservation of the girl, the
awareness of her trust, is so gently expressed.
Poetically, this poem is quite superb. You have such an interesting way of
line placement. The thoughts/words are compressed, yet move into each other
in a perfectly parallelling way.
Terry
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-02-23 13:40:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
So, you made love to a machine!! What a wonderful analogy. I had patients who made it with sheep and pigs!
I find the punctuation somewhat distracting, i.e.: the capitals at the beginning of a new line where it's not needed. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be somewhat humourus...Maybe you were East of Eden (belch).
As ever, your rustic poet!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-02-19 18:24:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
James, this is delicious.
in a moment, while preoccupied with a motor, thoughts of her slipped in.
they were the momnts of experiencing, reliving, being with 'her'.
we sometimes meet the right person, at the wrong place and time.
i had a fellow in high school. I foolishly let go. I will never forget him and he'll
always be in my heart. I was too immature to know what I had!
[love this: it takes one to the edge......
Down my spine touching new questions on
How I might survive this night.
Find her James, it may not be too late for you![although you already have her essence]
Wonderful poem!
Hugs,
Dellena
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