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This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-03-04 17:55:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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An Indian Summer

In the great book of Love, her name was written. Flowing across the pages in swells and sways letters spelled forth telling of her essence. She was of the summer persuasion. Tanned over brown, cloud swept sky, blossom laced air, and a sun-bright smile. Bumble bees, fruited trees, little people's laughter… easy day earthly pleasure she wished upon everyone. Her affable nature, gave vivid colors to the palette of life. 'All things good' was her living affirmation. She moved through each day, knowing, it was her gift. Packaged in sky hue blue with a big silver bow. As always, she shared her joy with many others. Time's continuation keeps it movement. How can this world revolve without my Jackie? I shall miss her forever and ever... Existence gives a sigh and she moved on by.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2006-03-26 12:05:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, usually I am not in favor of notes, but I wish I knew more of Jackie, in a note, so that I could fully join with you the moment of this piece. From the outset, you set us in the spring and summer. You use the descriptions well, but it is more the weave of innocence and life throughout that makes each a moment that has be shared in. Almost out of place, at least in a “sun-bright smile” sense is the “bumble bees, fruited trees, (great inside rhyme) and then you tailor it to us with “little people’s laughter” – splendid delivery. Time's continuation keeps it(s) movement. You ask a question, and I always like a piece that requests a response- “how can this world revolve without Jackie” – and the plea takes your entire piece and adds passion all over the canvas. “she moved on by” how sweet are the moments that cause one to discover again, the moment. Dellena a fine piece, I enjoyed the walk, and the read. Tony

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-03-13 17:58:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Dellena, I'm really impressed by this poem - it is very moving, and full of love, a keepsake of one's heart and soul, lasting memories to cherish. It truly flows well, and without hesitation, verses blend, in telling this story from beginning to end. There are a few lines in this, that stand out among the others: Bumble bees, fruited trees, little people's laughter… Time's continuation keeps it movement. And I love the rhyming in this line: Existence gives a sigh and she moved on by. I enjoyed this one, and wish you the best, Sincerely, Denimari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-03-08 08:15:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dellena this brought the picture and scene of joy brought on by nature and someone close. You touch a cord and show me loss as this summer of ones life has ended yet the memories will linger. Favorite parts include 'Packaged in sky hue blue' and 'palette of life' very well said. Thank you for sharing memories with us.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2006-03-08 07:54:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Dellena, What is most remarkable about this poem, is the last line, "Existence gives a sigh and she moved on by". Such a perfectly gentle metaphor for a gifted passing; full of love and profoundly spiritual; the way some give far more then they take and your sense of continuity carries faith better then any dogmatic assertion ever could. The imagery of nature very reminiscent of the romantic tradition where love was idealized; and it as though you are talking about summer itself, so much do you parallel your comparisons. A friend, or a child? The eulogy so suits children, but for whoever, this poem carries much love. "Each day as a gift", if we could only live like that. Terry

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-03-07 17:02:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I like the way you wove this story. The colours are vivid...the story is scintillating. I don't know who Jackie is...perhaps you could have written about her...wove her through the fabric of this piece. Time's continuation keeps it movement.....the tense here isn't right. S/B, time's continuation keeps it moving. Thanks for posting. This was the last on my list.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-03-06 12:35:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, This is so eloquent, soft and lacey with an allure that I can't quite put my finger on. It pulled this reader through the lines without a hitch, sort of like gliding on air. Thouroughly enjoyable and easy to read, one wants to let the words linger in the mind and dance on the tonque. Only one little nit: Time's continuation keeps [it] movement should that be "it's" , just a thought, it reads a bit awkward but then that just might be me. Great job, no-phenomenal........ You've obviously thougth this out and labored a great deal over it. Thank you for offering this for our pleasure. as always, Lora

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