Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2006-04-13 00:02:30 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Venus on the Half Shell

Seawater pleads my pearl to open her shell. My wild rose asks you to breathe her scent, breathe into me. Open your window, ask the Moon to press her face against yours. We wait for your kiss.

Additional Notes:
Inspired by Rumi's "Some Kiss We Want"

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-05-06 16:49:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Jo-up, I didn't think of shells opening with the moon....cool. Lovely descriptive piece! I want a kiss from the Moon, my windows open. I smell the ocean and hear the water's wave. Nice! dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ronald D Istivan On Date: 2006-04-18 20:27:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Very lyrical, the words do a good job of explaining the senses in the poem. I believe the third stanza is the strongest, and although not everyone may agree with me, I think the ending is appropriate.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-04-14 21:31:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Auntie Joanne, I am glad to see your submission here. I always cherish to read your poems as I can see your heart speaking physically. This one is so inspiring, I can see the God/goddess of love alive, here. So much in the brevity of your art. So much to tell, so much to inspire, so much to live on.... Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-04-14 12:09:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
oh Joanne this is so beautiful..wonderful use of personification. Oh I just love your nature writes and this is short (which is my favorite kind) and makes for seculant treats to all the senses. The ending of this keeps the reader waiting for the kiss. This has such a feeling of being wtih one with nature and the world around us..all the little miracles that we sometimes forget are "miracles". I just simply loved this my friend. thanks so much for giving me a big smile and an awakening of miracles.

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-04-13 17:58:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Joanne, This is wonderful, for two reasons. One, because you wrote it, and I'm so happy to see a poem from you, see I'm smiling! Two, because your talent wakes my heart up, and makes it listen! Your inspiration, gave you these verses, softly stated, relaxing words, that make the reader feel satisfied. I also like the title you chose for this, it's appealing, and makes the reader curious as to what it's all about. You possess a natural ability, to entertain a reader, and that is such an important part of writing. You are truly blessed, with this talent, and I for one am always so grateful to read your poems. Your own individual style sets you apart, superiorly, to others and so far this month, this is my favorite poem. "We wait, for your next poem." Best as always, Denimari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-04-13 15:29:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14286
Joanne, As always a delight to read one of your creations. I drifted away with this, to the sea-to the sea, and if only someone would come and set us free, let us be the women we are, love us, enjoy us, share with us so we can become one. breathe into me = yes, breathe into, exhale into, co mingle our essences, let the dance begin and I will feed you and nurture you till you bloom with understanding ask the Moon to press her face against yours .....then you will know what it is to be woman, to be of the cosmos, to know the taste and feel of you.... aphrodite or siren, we women are of venus, your title is most appropriate--- we offer all served up pleasingly, who will recieve what is offered so freely and with compassion Wonderful, I believe you've out done yourself with this one, simply delightful and eloquent and so fitting for this time of year as all buds bloom.... Warmest always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-04-13 07:39:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.80000
Dear Joanne....Oh what a pleasure it is ro see a poem from you....I thought you had left us forever! As usual you have written a lovely poem with beautiful word choices. Each stanza is full of magic and wonder. My wild rose asks you to breathe her scent, .....these might be my favorite lines but I cannot be sure as they are all breathe into me. ....unique and well limned. Just to bring you up to date...I have joined fanstory.com and have enjoyed some success there. I was amazed at how well my work has been received. However, this is my home and I just can't abandon it...I am elated that you feel the same. I will look forward to more posts from you and again...I am so glad you are back! Big hugs...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-04-13 07:33:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Joanne, I have never been so happy to see a name on the screen as I am this AM. Oh my goodness, I have missed you so much and am so glad you're back. I hope it's permanant, as the Loss of Mell has left me reeling and I can not bear the thought that this site might never be blessed with your work or your mentoring. Thank heaven for the inspiration from Rumi, because for me this transcends "Some Kiss We Want". Your title calls the reader without giving away what lies within. You use no more words then needed to create imagry through personification that is magnificent and does so much more then just pull the reader along. I am reminded of those cartoons where the aroma of something delectable causes the character to float through the air inhaling heavenly scents and gliding unaware of the fact their feet are not even touching the ground. That is where I am right now as I read and reread this treat for the senses. I can only offer my gratitude that you bless us with your work. Welcome back and Best Wishes, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-04-13 07:33:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Now I will have to read Rumi's piece. I can see the seawater inticing the shell to open in the first stanza, nature at its finest in the second especially the wild rose without restriction. In the last I feel the light of the moon giving me a glow and visual of the surroundings. Well done as always. Enjoyed reading. Thanks. Thomas.

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!