This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-04-15 08:44:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Moonlit Night Summer sun rubs
The window pane
As dusty memories
Wrapped in cellophane
Flit like larks in
un-curtained sky
Enchanted youth gone in
The tic of an eye
I sit within fire
Of blazing light
Awaiting the brilliance
Of a moonlit night
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Copyright © April 2006 marilyn terwilleger
Additional Notes:
You know I am posting old poems....but this one is new
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-05-06 16:07:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Doll!
Hhope your bright moonlit night holds promise!
You must go kick up your heels.......it's time to enjoy the rest of your life!
Theres so much more to come.....
'
Loved this moment in time.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-04-27 10:59:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn,
A new poem of yours and it certainly doesn't disapoint! This is dazzling!
I had to laugh because the title is "Moonlit Night" and I was all ready for one of your
gorgeous descriptions of same and then you start with 'Summer sun'. :)
What an awesome starting line! "Summer sun rubs". The allit with the assonance beautiful. And
from there it gets even better with the imagry and very fresh rhyming.
Dusty memories wrapped in cellophane!!!! Love that image--sounds like a memory wrapped up like salt water taffy. lol A little piece of sweet candy for the mind.
This piece is so eye catching. I loved experiencing every nuiance of it.
Blessings,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2006-04-17 19:37:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn:
You captured me in the title, already. Your first line is like a massage.
The ‘uh’ sounds and sibilants induce a state of relaxed awareness. The
‘window pane’ suggests ‘widow pain’, at least it does to me, and dust
and cellophane telegraph a sense of tender melancholy. Reverie with
bittersweet remembrance – a minor chord in music to my ear. Though
the memories ‘flit like larks’ they are elusive in the un-curtained sky.
I thought about this term, ‘un-curtained’ and concluded that it seems
as though a giant hand had taken down or drawn back the curtain,
as if life were a play, and the curtain which opens before it had
been removed as the play has concluded, the theatre empty. The
poem’s tone is elegiac; what was once enchanted and seemingly
to last forever has vanished. Clever ‘tic of an eye’ instead of
the tick of a clock. The clock’s sound vs the slight spasm
suggested by the tic – amazing parallelism. The verbs you use –
rubs/flit/sit/awaiting – suit the poem’s reflective mode. While
it is yet day, as the speaker is within the sunlight, she awaits the
night. A suggestion of the longed-for presence of the one who
is missing, with whom the speaker shared youth and memories.
The liquid sounds of the doubled l's in 'cellophane/brilliance'
are very effective, and the internal rhymes are wonderful.
Very evocative – beautifully written – and brought a sting to my
eyes, once more, as your poetry often does.
I love this. Thank you for writing a new one. I hear a new voice
emerging, and look forward to more. Though there is sadness
in the poem, there is also hope for reunion. I believe in this with
my whole heart.
My very best always,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-04-16 19:31:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
I just love the metaphores you use here and the flow of the poem. Great images and wonderful word choices..nice "w" and "m" sounds along with the smooth and soft "s"..and again in the repeative "l"..makes this little piece sing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-04-15 16:25:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn,
I just have a nice read on this one and it left me a smiling face. So much personification so that I feel alive. (got a slight fever and cold)...I will also be reposting my old works as I have no time to create one these days...kinda busy with my work and family.
Take care...
Jordan
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