This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2006-04-19 17:18:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Especially in Spring
Convince me
that the
flung silk thread
glistening in sun
swift’s trill and
chickadee’s whistle
squirrel’s leap
from yet-bare
branch to branch
sun’s warmth
on my winter face
sweet smell
of burgeoning earth
cool-soft wafts of air
bees brushing past my hair
with slightest touch
doesn’t mean
that I am loved.
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Copyright © April 2006 Joanne M Uppendahl
Additional Notes:
rev
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-05-06 16:03:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Joanne,
YOU ARE MUCH LOVED!
YOU ARE SPECIAL!
YOU DO GREAT WORK!
KEEP ON/LOVE THAT YOU ARE BACK!
dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-04-25 17:47:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85000
Hi Auntie Joanne,
I have read this one but I did not critique it until it appeared on top of my critiquing list. So, let me "devour" this now! <smile>. I just read your critique to my "Dawn Till Dusk" and you mentioned that you felt the springtime day in that poem and it seems to be timely for me to have a take on this poem of yours about spring. You started the piece with an compelling imperative and it is effective that way. And the picture of spingtime is enlivened by these animals/things movements. So much is the energy of the images yet the end is moving. I don't how to explain it but rest assured that you are always loved forever. <smile>
Take care always,
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-04-20 13:31:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joanne,
I love this. Literally, Love is all around and if we pay attention we can see it in everything.In this busy world of road rage and hurry up and work work work , we all need to take a moment to stop and take notice. Many seldom ever do. Maybe that's why there are so many uptight people in the world.
Your title tells the reader this is the time of year when we feel the love of our Creator all around us. This title is so perfect and it seems to be part of the poem body itself and launches the poem right over the top from the beginning. Then also, when you say 'convince me', I am right there hanging on every word, because I want to know what you need to be convinced of. Well, I'm terribly sorry, Joanne, because I absolutely can not even consider convincing you of this. lol. Your persuasive examples here have me on a one way plane to nature poem heaven. :-)
Flowing like a spring breeze, this piece takes the reader on a tour de nature.
"flung silk thread
glistening in sun"
What a glorious image this gives and the sound of flung/sun gives beauty in the sound as well.
Once when we were sailing in early Spring there were literaly hundreds of strings of gossamer
floating in the breeze, shining in the sun and much of it got caught on the mainsail and were
flying like flags off every stay. This image you give us reminds of that day. I miss sailing and love taking every opertunity for those memories to surface, so this is a double wammy for me.
"swift’s trill and
chickadee’s whistle"
Again Swift's/whistle is so joyfully musical.
It seems an etenity from the time the birds all leave our chilly surrounding untill they come back to let us know it's Spring again. I love waking to their songs in the AM just before first light. We have Meadow Larks that stir us here at our new house.
"squirrel’s leap
from yet-bare
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-04-20 07:30:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Joanne I really enjoy moments that show surroundings and the enjoyment that can be seen by experiencing them. Yes nature has so much for us to enjoy and you have captured a visual for us to see. Well done as always. I like the format and how you focus on each item followed by your ending showing joy. Thanks for sharing. Thomas.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-04-19 19:05:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
OH Joanne "you are loved" that is for sure, we are all loved if we can appreciate what is given us in the beauty and miracles of this Earth. This is wonderfully presented, you know I love nature poems and the flow of this one is light and easy, like the Spring day you speak of. I especially loved this line "cool-soft wafts of air" it is so well done in sounds and I haven't heard "wafts" used in so so long and it is so perfect here. Took me back to childhood, for this is a word my mother used to use. Funny how something like that can transport one back in time to sweet memories. Thank you so much for being my vechile..Great write my friend.
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