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This Poem was Submitted By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2006-04-20 12:58:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Pushing Envelops

Envelops come raining down from the cliffs from shoulders whose burdens inspire dreams of mists that repeat on digested riffs swallowed whole in whirling unconscious streams the look that calls to be looked at again are thrown to the shredder whose teeth wear dull on the innate song waiting on the pen is there any ink left for sweets to draw ears are hammered for appreciation light is refracted by knees that are eyed by heated tongues of interrogation wagging desires as the supreme spied within tornadoes in the hearts unskilled that think time isn't to be used but filled

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-05-06 22:22:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78378
Hi James, I wish to give my input on this one before the end of the voting period. Although I may not get your intent correctly but let me dare. The title you have "Pushing Envelops" is striking, it can create a not-so-usual conceptions about the action verb on the noun "envelops" which is not common to appear in the title. It may suggest a letter or maybe a postman or something like that. So let me go on... What I can conceive in the first stanza is that you are talking about a certain job or work "shoulders whose burdens inspire dreams"... If it talks about a job, this job must be hard just like the task of a farmer. The imagery of the envelops raining down the cliffs is wonderful. Your second stanza contains some wonderfully artistic lines; "is there any ink left for sweets to draw" --- nice and this may be your trademark! Well, finishing the read leaves me wonder and I don't want to give a meaning on what is your intent. What I am satisfied of is use of unique descriptors, so much to be proud of! Write on! Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2006-05-03 12:35:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Hello James, I take pleasure in your poetry, though I may miss your intent. What I like is your unusual imagery, the juxtaposition of the unexpected, the impossible. First I thought of a beleaguered mail-carrier, with your title. Then the image of the Mt Rushmore carvings, a presidential shoulder before my mind’s eye. What is ‘thrown to the shredder’ except perhaps shameful documents, things in envelops? "Hence, let us place there, carved high, as close to heaven as we can, the works of our leaders, their faces, to show posterity what manner of men they were. Then breathe a prayer that these records will endure until the wind and the rain alone shall wear them away" John Borglum, their creator, wrote. Then again, this could be an ars poetica, as you write “on the innate song waiting on the pen is there any ink left for sweets to draw” Has everything already been written, which is truly sweet? Is there yet ink? ears are hammered for appreciation – poetry slams, readings, et al. light is refracted by knees that are eyed – ‘eyed’ knees – do they see or are they seen? by heated tongues of interrogation –suggests espionage to me wagging desires as the supreme spied –tongues are wagging, indeed who are the supreme who ‘spied’? within tornadoes in the hearts unskilled that think time isn't to be used but filled This scans well, you use the form expertly, and I am mystified and intrigued. I am curious to read responses from other readers. It is good to see your work here, once more. Thank you for this unique offering. My best to you, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2006-04-21 13:43:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ed, Did you recieve alot of bureaucratic junk mail lately? This is quite a sonnet. The title is oh so intriguing. And it's very passionate. Your rhyme scheme in Stanza 3 seems a tiny bit strained the way you had to word that line to make it work. But other then that I see no nits to pick and am thouroughly entertained by this sonnet. Best, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-04-20 14:43:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68421
Hi James...glad to see you are posting poems again! This one has an important message to those who are involved in the daily grind of their jobs. It is written in sonnet style and my only nit is in the second stanza where "dull" does not rhyme with "draw." I have just written my second sonnet and am almost afraid to post it because I'm not sure if it fullfills all the requirments of a sonnet. You have good word choices and the meter is well done. within tornadoes in the hearts unskilled that think time isn't to be used but filled .....to me these lines speak volumes about the workers that strive to do their best but are never rewarded. I hope I haven't completely fractured your meaning or intent here...but your words speak to me like this. Thanks for posting.....Marilyn

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