This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2006-04-21 21:36:18 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Lunar Clips

Ancient Chinese saw a Toad in the Moon, instead of man’s grinning face. Yin amphibians  swallowed their orb in white bites,    wide mouth devouring Night’s magic lantern-- but the Moon, disappearing, did not say a word.

Copyright © April 2006 Joanne M Uppendahl

Additional Notes:
connected haiku-style


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jason S. Moore On Date: 2006-04-30 21:59:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This is unique and difficult to pull off unforced. I am impressed with your fluid delivery and structure here. You are making it look easy, Joanne. NIcely done.


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-04-24 13:52:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Joanne, Another good poem from you, very nicely done. I've never written this haiku style, but I do like reading it. "Night's magic lantern", is a very good line - how true that the moon is magical, and is like a lantern in the sky at night. I'm so glad you pointed that out, it's very poetic. This piece has a mystical feel to it. It is short in words, but strong in meaning. I don't see anything to be changed in this. The flow is good, reads smoothly, and the images come to life - verse by verse. I really admire your style. Sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-04-24 00:02:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65385
Joanne, I am always intriqued by your connected haiku-style. This especially lends to the mind this evening, the zen of it is for me the most appealing part...ancient wisdoms so well hidden in plain site and yet we close a blind eye, why do we do that I wonder. We seek eastern understanding/enlightenment, the mysticism and then refuse to see what we've found...LOL. Why would the moon have to say anything, it knows the secrets and understands that magic works the way it must for each who imbrace it, she has been longer than the toad, longer than the dog chasing it's tail and probably chuckled at the Taosists...yes, she takes all in stride and holds her position well. Thanks for such a heddy concoction, a true confection for the transitional spirit. Namaste' Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-04-23 20:07:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
This is great..what an image.."frog" in the moon..I love the word combo."Yin amphibians " nice sound with ASSONANCE here..it just sings..like the frogs I would imagine under the moon.I love the way you make the image of the frogs eating away at the moon, and then the personification of the moon "not saying a word"..just marvelous my friend, such a beautiful and different image and a wonderful myth describing the coming of the day. you always awaken my senses and my degree of awe for nature , it being Earth Day on April 21, this celebrates the magic.
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2006-04-23 12:00:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
the symbol of the Toad can be associated to a SCOUNDREL,or the like.thats an interesting part of the poem because its like you lifted up such a character. then again lifted up in the next stanza as Yin amphibians; that i believe has something to do with a dynasty in China;Shang (shäng) or Yin, which ruled, according to traditional dates, from c.1766 B.C. to c.1122 B.C. or, according to some modern scholars, from c.1523 B.C. to c.1027 B.C. It is the first historic dynasty of China. well, please correct me if im wrong about my understanding but its really awesome for you to have made a poem thats both entertaining and educational. thanks so much joanne for this piece. april rose c. ochinang-claessens
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-04-21 22:50:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Auntie Joanne, Very much, I enjoyed this clevely crafted haiku-style art of yours. It suggests me a playful and picturesque sceneries. I also like the reference of Chinese. Have you gone to China? Just asking! And I am smiling about the idea of the snobbish moon disappearing without a word. I remember Erzahl when it comes to haiku but you cleverly did it! Write on. Jordan
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