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In Welter Perchance hawks excrete behind the misty clouds, What would befall to their dung? Would it drop wholly on rooftops? Or vanish into thin air like a shooting star shattered before reaching our clasping hands? Perhaps, not all that fall, reach aground, Object may fling with direction uncertain; What is freed from our hands (or fell from the outer space) may arrive no clime. Lucky's the man on parachute, he alit atop roof, The lost kite--hung above lamp post; The drizzle shed upon a void cruet-- Ah, what a Physics! Where did your laughter echoes when it bounced the lagoon? Where did your words hover when no ear to catch them? Ubiquitous, my mind roved afoot like a vagabond, In welter, ever and anon stunned by the quagmire; The lovers' wraiths after the suicide aloft on cliff-- Had they throbbed in wilderness? Fell into the abyss? Or wafted at zero gravity? |
Additional Notes:
I appreciate if you can provide me a good title on this one. <smile>
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-05-30 10:39:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
I really thought your title was an excellent choice to describe the turbulance of thought within your poem. Very interesting write Jordan. The continous questioning gives this piece the feeling of anxiousness which makes the reader go for a tumble along your lines, and also makes you think which is good. I like that in a poem, when the reader actually has to think about what is written. I got lost in your lost thoughts..(smile) You have done an excellent job of composing and presenting your poem, very approperiately to the subject. My favorite parts are "Where did your laughter echoes
when it bounced the lagoon?
Where did your words hover
when no ear to catch them?" also your last stanza really hit strong and left a lasting impression.