This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2006-06-08 16:32:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Pioneer Woman

Familiar clackety-clack Singer sewing machine, lye soap and apple perfumed dream.  Flour sack aprons and chinz bonnets galore, black leather tie shoes and ankle length dresses, linsey-woolsey quilt pieces stored  in a go-to-housekeeping pie safe. Pot bellied coal burning living room stove, pastry boards and buckets of lard.  Blackberries, roses and "tommy-toes"bloom; wash house, smoke house and coal house too.  Shining  barrister book laden case companions to iron feather beds.  Long straight grey hair pulled back fast in a bun. Twinkling blue eyes in weather beaten face.  Fried apple pies and ginger short breads loving made by sun speckled hands.

Copyright © June 2006 Jana Buck Hanks

Additional Notes:
These are a few things I remember of Granny Salyer. Rough first draft..helpful suggestions appreciated. Bright Blessings Jana

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-07-03 00:30:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.73684
Hi Jana, I have no suggestions for this one. This is already effectively detailed. Your descriptions are just apt. Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-06-24 09:43:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Jana! This brings me back! I love the descriptive words you've chosen. These are my favorites: pastry boards and buckets of lard. Blackberries, roses and "tommy-toes"bloom; wash house, smoke house and coal house too. iron feather beds. (nice contrast) Long straight grey hair pulled back fast in a bun. (you've made her hair beautiful) Twinkling blue eyes ( I don't see alot of twinkling these days-maybe it came from the satisfaction of having completed hard work- I'm glad you included it) wheather beaten face. I like that description. It fits with hard work. I know it's a real face and probably a happy one too. Fried apple pies (too much work for grama's of today) and ginger short breads (oh that sounds yummy) loving made by sun speckled hands..(typo? lovingly ?) Clear, true to life pictures! I like this alot! You've given enough information to shine on the joys of that day, without over-burdening this reader with too much of the 'hard work' of the day. We all know life demanded a strong will and hard work back then. We all have a few pictures in our minds of those things. I'm glad you gave us a clear picture of satisfaction from their lifetimes'.. Don't see anything more to add. I see no reason to change a thing! It's really very good.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-06-18 18:12:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.33333
Hi Jana banana...... that describes her for sure. I think she was in the 30-40's too. I grew up with flower sacks/lye soap/clickety clack. I know her too. I could be her myself. I'm a bit old fashioned too. outhouse too.....can't forget that buggy stinky place. maybe; loving[ly] made by sun speckled Good job/love this! How you been? Hugs Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-06-11 14:08:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Very descriptive and very creative. My grandparents were not like that, but I can appreciate this totally. Flour sack aprons and the like must have been very rough to wear and use. I know of some that wore potato sack outfits...scratchy +++. Tommy toes bloom? what is that? I would love to have a barrister book case (the original kind with the secret drawer). My only advice is to change in the last line the word loving to lovingly. Otherwise I can smell the pies now!
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-06-09 06:28:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Jana...what a nice surprise to see a poem from you! I wrote a similar poem called "My husband's mother" years ago. This one really sings to is brimming with lovely descriptors that paints a perfect picture of a pioneer woman. It is well written with beautiful memories of your Granny and is a pleasure to read. I have no sugggestions...changing it would take away the emotion and love limned in the lines and that would be a shame...well done...and welcome back! Blessings....Marrilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-06-08 19:17:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Jana, So good to see you. I like what you are going for, although this seems a bit unusual for your style....almost as if reading an outline. For me, IMHO, a bit of fine tuning will do the trick. A very interesting read however your minimlistic approach is a bit stark and hinders the flow of this one. I look forward to seeing where you go with this....I love the thoughts in this and the painting you have started to create, I've always enjoyed your artristry with both words and paints, I'll await with anticipation to see what unfolds. Warmest always, Lora
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